


Fucking Fight Me Then

by MizDiablo



Series: Yielding [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftercare, Alternate Universe, Clint Barton & Tony Stark Friendship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom Phil Coulson, Dom Steve Rogers, Dom/sub, Domdrop, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Light Bondage, M/M, Nightmares, POV Alternating, Protective Phil Coulson, Recovery, Smut, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Sub Clint Barton, Sub Tony Stark, Subdrop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 14:42:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 46,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18919099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizDiablo/pseuds/MizDiablo
Summary: Going back to work is not exactly fun, but Clint is still a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and part of Alpha Team.Now he just needs to learn that being broken might not be all bad...





	1. Back to Work

Going back to work is fun in absolutely no way. Phil is the first to go back. Clint is somewhat stable by now and Director Fury has been asking Phil to come in and check up on a few things. At first, it seems like a good idea. Being two people in Clint’s tiny apartment is no exactly easy, but since Clint mostly needs to be close to Phil it has been working out. In the future, they have to find another solution, but for now they make it work.

They eat breakfast together and before he leaves, Phil holds Clint close for a very long time. Some part of Clint wants to make a joke about it or say that he doesn’t need it, but the truth is he does. The truth is that he wants Phil to stay and hold him for the rest of his life. So he closes his eyes and breathes deeply, fixing the feeling of warmth and safety in his mind.

Phil eventually does leave. Clint spends some time building the muscle memory for his new bow. He and Tony have finally made a version that works like they both want and Tony has added ideas for several new arrows. So Clint needs to know how to operate the weapon before he goes back to work.

When he starts making several mistakes in a row, he puts the bow away and goes to get lunch. He feels twitchy. It’s not painful. It’s not even something he can really describe. He just feels restless and uncomfortable. Eating doesn’t help. Waling around the apartment doesn’t help. Watching TV doesn’t help.

It doesn’t make sense. He should be stable. He used to be able to function for weeks alone. Now he can barely get through a few hours on his own without feeling uncomfortable in his own skin.

He starts to feel cold and curls up in bed, covering himself in blankets without closing his eyes, but that doesn’t help either. At least it’s soft and dark.

At some point the door opens and someone calls his name, but he is unable to move. The cold has turned his bones to ice and he can’t move. The door to the bedroom is open and Phil comes in after a moment, but Clint still doesn’t move.

“Clint?”

Phil goes to the bed and carefully moves the coves a little, so he can see Clint’s face. “Hey… What’s wrong love?”

“Don’t feel good…” Clint mumbles. “Cold…”

“Okay…” Phil takes off his jacket and shirt, throwing it on the floor by the bed, before lying down next to Clint. “Move a little… There we go… How does this feel?”

Phil wraps his arms around Clint, pulling him close. Clint takes a deep breath, feeling how the ice begins to melt. “Better… Warm…”

“Good… We’re going to stay here for a while, until you feel better… I’m sorry I left you alone for so long… That was thoughtless of me…” Phil says softly.

“’m stable…” Clint mumbles into his skin. He should be able to get through the day on his own.

“You are almost stable… “ Phil gently corrects him. “But you have gotten stable by being in almost constant physical contact with me for the last couple of weeks… Going from that to being alone for several hours is jarring for your body… I should have though of that… I’m sorry my love…”

“’s not your fault…” Clint says, enjoying the way Phil’s arms feel around him, chasing away the cold inside him.

“It is my privilege to take care of you, to make sure you are okay. I should at least have called to hear how you were doing.” Phil says firmly. He is mad at himself and Clint hates that. He nuzzles a little closer, hiding his face in the crook of Phil’s neck and kissing his jaw. Phil hums softly. “Okay… No more talk of that… How are you feeling now?”

“Okay… Want to stay here…” Clint grabs onto Phil a little tighter. He could probably get up by now, go have dinner and continue the evening. He could manage like he did before, getting by on the bare minimum of what he needs. He could pretend and hide like before, but it’s not before. Phil is there. He promised Phil to tell him what he wants and Phil promised to tell him if it’s too much.

“As long as you want my heart… As long as you want…” Phil kisses his hair and Clint closes his eyes. For once, he doesn’t expect any sounds to disturb them.

Clint actually falls asleep. He knows because he wakes up to Phil petting his hair. He feels warm and relaxed, safe in Phil’s arms. He feels loved.

With a content sigh Clint shuffles a little closer to Phil, whose hand pauses on Clint’s neck. “You awake again Clint?”

“Yeah… Didn’t…” He clears his throat, his voice is rough from sleep. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep like that…”

“Don’t worry about that. You know I never mind you sleeping.” Phil says gently and Clint does know. After his kidnapping and torture it’s still hard to sleep most nights, so ever time he gets any sleep feels like a victory both for him and Phil. “How would you feel about ordering some pizza and eating in front of the TV?”

Clint breathes for a moment before answering, assessing if all the cold is gone. Phil would wait if he asked, but he finds no reason to wait. “I like the sound of that… Will you feed me?”

“If you want me to.” Phil says, kissing him for a long moment before slowly getting out of bed.

Phil orders pizza while Clint finds a movie for them to watch. When the food arrives, they sit down on the couch together, Phil alternately eating his own and feeding Clint bites of pizza. When the movie is over, Clint can hardly remember how the cold felt.

But even if Clint forgets, Phil doesn’t. The next morning is much the same as the day before, breakfast together and Phil holding Clint for a long time before leaving. Around lunch, Phil calls Clint to make sure he is doing okay. It surprises Clint how much just hearing his voice helps with the unease that has been building inside him. He tells Phil the truth; that he is feeling mostly okay, but probably won’t be in a couple of hours. Phil leaves work early and gets home before Clint starts to feel cold.

They take their time building from there. Every day, Phil stays at work a little longer. Every day, he calls to make sure Clint is okay being alone. At first, Clint feels a little bad about Phil having to cut his work short because of him, but Phil is adamant that Clint is far more important than anything at S.H.I.E.L.D.

The rest of the team have started working as well, using Bucky as their sniper and Agent Hill as replacement. Clint is the only one not back yet. No one tells him to get back. The only thing they have asked is that he sees a therapist and he can do that without returning to work.

Sam is nice, letting him deal with the events in his own time and clearing him for active duty after some weeks, if he keeps his appointments. He doesn’t mind that. Talking to Sam is nice most of the time and even when it isn’t, it still helps.

So he goes back to work. There are several tests he has to go through, both physical and mental, to prove that he is ready to come back, but when they are done, he is cleared to return to the team. They don’t test his resistance to commands and no one mentions his training.

Work starts out slow. They don’t have any missions planned, so his first day back at work is dedicated paperwork. It’s boring and he makes several paper airplanes in the process, but it’s work and he is still a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.

At lunch, there is a knock on his door and he quickly puts the half folded paper away before answering. Phil is on the other side of the door, raising an eyebrow when he sees Clint.

“What were you doing that you were not supposed to do?” Phil asks.

“Um…” Clint scratches the back of his head. “Paper airplanes…”

“Of course you were…” Phil shakes his head, but smiles. “Do you want to have lunch with me?”

Clint’s stomach drops. They are together. His team knows that. They are his friends and have been to see him several times since he got rescued. Of course they know. But he never thought about the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. finding out that he is with his handler. He never thought about how it might reflect on their work.

“Is that… Are you sure that’s okay?” Clint asks.

“You are not a secret Clint. You are my boyfriend. I’m lucky that we are working together. I want to have lunch with my boyfriend, if he can tear himself away from making origami of important documents.” Phil says firmly, making Clint smile.

Already before they sit down to eat, Clint feels the eyes from his colleagues. Being the center of attention is not exactly a new thing for him. In the circus, he was often the main attraction, capturing the audience with his tricks, but since he became a sniper, his role has been far more hidden. He doesn’t act like a sub. He doesn’t sit on the floor, doesn’t let Phil order for him, doesn’t let Phil feed him. Never in public. Still, he knows what they are thinking.

“They are talking about us.” He says when they have found a table, looking over his shoulder at someone whispering his name.

“Look at me.” Phil says and Clint obeys, even if it’s not a command. “Does it matter?”

Phil takes his hand. Phil, who has always been there for him, patient and understanding. Phil, who never complains about how much Clint needs and doesn’t mind that he is broken. Phil, who loves him.

“No… Not at all…” Clint says, kissing Phil’s hand.

They don’t get to eat in peace but that is to be expected. Neither of them are surprised when Natasha sits down next to Clint, not pausing in her argument with Bucky. They are discussing the best gun. It’s a well worn argument and Clint sometimes take part in it, but today he opts out, choosing instead to ask Steve how Tony is doing.

Getting back to work after lunch is easier. He even gets done with some of the paperwork and unfolds most of the airplanes.

He finds Phil on his way out and they walk together. In celebration of his first day back, the entire team and Bruce are invited to dinner in the Tower. Steve, Tony and Bucky have more room than the others put together, so most gatherings happen there.

Bucky made dinner, which means that it’s very good. They eat at the table, all of them, even with three of them being subs. Tony is never on the floor, not even when he is alone with Steve and Bucky, and doesn’t expect any of his guests to be.

The dinner is wonderful, but Clint is still eager to get home. He has made a decision.

As soon as the door closes behind them, Clint grabs Phil by the shirt collar and pulls him in for a passionate kiss. Phil makes a surprised sound, but puts his arms around Clint’s waits and returns the kiss.

Clint’s hands move to open Phil’s shirt while his lips moves on to his neck. Phil’s hands stiffen a little. “Mmm… Clint, wha… What are you doing love?”

“Want you… Want to be yours…” Clint mumbles into Phil’s skin, biting down gently. 

Phil’s grip tightens around his waist, but the he pulls away to looks Clint in the eyes. “Are you sure? You’ve been drinking. Maybe we should –“

“Not that much.” Clint says firmly, looking Phil in the eyes. “I decided this before we started drinking. I want this. I want you.”

“Really?” Phil slowly smiles, sliding his hands into Clint’s back pockets, pulling them closer together, but still hesitates a little. “Promise me this is not just a spur of the moment thing. Promise me you are ready.”

“I promise. I’m ready.” Clint says, kissing him again. It seems to be enough to chase away the doubt in Phil, because a second later he feels the agents hands sliding up under his shirt. The feeling makes him shiver and he bites into Phil’s lip a little.

“Bedroom…” Phil gasps. “We should… Bedroom…”

“Yeah…” Clint mumbles, trying to catch his breath.

They stumble towards the bedroom, never letting of of each other and on the way they both loose their shirts. The bedroom is almost completely dark, as always, but they don’t bother closing the door, so a little light spills in from the living room, making it possible for them to see each other.

Phil pushes him down on the bed, straddling his lap before kissing him again. His eyes are dark in the dim light, pupils blown with desire. Clint makes a soft wanting noise that gets swallowed by the kiss. Grinding his hips up into Phil is not enough.

“Phil…”

“I know… We need…”

“Nightstand…”

Phil leans over and Clint uses the opportunity to kick his pants completely off. When Phil is back in front of him, he has a small bottle and a condom in his hands. He is smiling. “This really wasn’t just a sudden impulse…”

“Told you…” Clint says, pulling Phil closer again. “I’m ready… I want you…”

“I’m glad. I want you too.” Phil leans in over him, kissing his lips, his cheek, his jaw, his neck. His lips feel like fire and Clint never wants it to stop. He is grabbing at everything he can reach and quite possibly making a lot of marks on Phil’s skin. He is hoping Phil will leave marks on his skin as well.

It takes a little work to remove Phil’s pants, but then they are naked in bed, Phil’s body covering Clint’s, making the rest of the world disappear completely. Nothing else matters but the two of them.

For a while, that’s all it is, enjoying the smell and taste and feeling of each other. Long kisses and lingering hands. Their naked bodies grinding against each other. It feels amazing, but it’s not enough.

“Phil…” Clint moans, trying to get more friction.

“Okay… Yeah, okay…” Phil reaches over to grab the bottle.

“I… I don’t know… I haven’t…” Clint is suddenly insecure. He has not been with anyone since Natasha and never a man. He knows he wants this, he wants Phil, he’s just not sure how.

“It’s okay… I’ve got you love, I’ve got you… Just relax…” Phil kisses him from his lips and down over his chest, biting a mark into his chest. Clint lets out a small sound and grabs the sheets.

It gets a little harder to breathe when Phil grabs his cock, stroking it gently. Clint can’t remember ever wanting anything this bad.

“Just relax for me…” Phil says, opening the bottle and slicking his fingers up. The stretch is unfamiliar and a little strange, but not entirely unpleasant.

“You okay?” Phil asks, not moving for a moment.

“Yeah…” Clint smiles, looking at his lover. “Yeah, I’m good… Just… Slowly?”

“Of course. Breathe for me love, I’ll take care of you…” Phil says, leaving soft kisses on Clint’s skin while his fingers move.

Clint breathes, trying to relax into the new sensation. It doesn’t feel that strange anymore, it feels… Good. Really good.

“Phil… Oh, fuck…” Clint moans, his knuckles white as he clings to the sheets underneath him.

“I know love. You’re doing great, being so good for me. Just be patient, I’ve got you. I’ll make you feel good.” Phil says gently.

Clint already feels good. Phil is doing something that is making him see stars and he can’t imagine it getting any better.

So of course it gets worse.

Phil removes his hand and Clint whimpers, suddenly feeling empty and cold. Phil puts a reassuring hand on his chest. “Easy… Just give me a moment, it’s okay… Deep breath for me.”  
Clint closes his eyes and does as he is told. Then he feels something and this time it’s not Phil’s fingers.

“Oooh…” Clint opens his eyes, looking up at the man above him. Most of his face is in shadow, but what Clint can see is intense and fully focused on him. The stretch is a little different now and then Phil is close to him, covering most of Clint’s body with his own.

“You still good?” Phil asks, kissing his jaw gently.

“Yeah…” Clint breathes. He feels a little loopy, being so completely covered in Phil’s body, being so close to him. “Good…”

“That’s good baby.” Phil smiles. “Just keep breathing, okay?”

Clint nods and then Phil starts moving slowly. Now it is better than before and Clint grabs Phil shoulders to steady himself. This time he is pretty sure he is leaving marks. Clint wraps his legs around Phil’s waist, needing to keep him close. He doesn’t really think Phil would leave him right now, but it feels better to be entangled with him like this.

“You are so gorgeous Clint…” Phil says, breathing hard but still moving slowly. “I’m so glad I waited for you, so glad we are finally here. I’ve always needed you here with me. I love you so so much.”

“Love… Ah… Love you too…” Clint has to focus to open his eyes, to find the words. He is on the edge of subspace, getting lost in the pleasure. “Need you… N-need to be yours…”

“You are mine.” Phil says, kissing him firmly and moving a little faster. “I’m here. I’ve got you. You can let go.”

Coming tips him over the edge and even as he is shaking through the aftershock he can feel himself sink deeper. Phil comes a little later, breathing quickly near Clint’s ear.

They don’t move after that, just stay close together while Clint drifts.

“You far away love?” Phil asks after a while.

Clint just hums and snuggles a little closer to Phil. Words seem impossible right now.

“Okay…” Phil kisses him softly. “I’m going to leave for a moment, but I’ll be right back okay? Just going to get you cleaned up a bit.”

Clint still whines a little when Phil leaves the bed, so Phil pauses and runs a hand through his hair. “I’ll be right back, promise. It’ll only take a sec.”

Then he is gone and Clint curls up on himself a little, but before he can get uncomfortable Phil is there again, running a warm washcloth over his skin. Clint sighs happily, loosing his grip on reality. He only vaguely registers that Phil lies down next to him and pulls him into a firm embrace. Cuddling is nothing new, they have slept in the same bed since Clint came back, but this time they are both naked and it feels so much better.

At some point subspace turns into sleep without any anxiety or nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I made another thing :) I have no idea how long this one will be yet.


	2. Impressing Director Fury

When the phone buzzes the next morning and Clint wakes up naked, it takes him a moment to remember why. Then he smiles and wraps himself a little tighter around Phil.

Phil slowly opens his eyes. “You good love?”

“Better than good lover.” Clint says, lifting his head so he can look at Phil. “Wanna do that again.”

“We will.” Phil smiles. “I want to see how flexible you really are. But not now. We both have to work now, remember?”

“I’m flexible like you wouldn’t believe.” Clint makes an annoyed sound, stretching in bed. Of course he is flexible. He grew up as an acrobat. “I need a shower.”

Getting to work meant more paperwork. But it also means Natasha, who seems to know what happened as soon as she sees him. He’s not surprised. He has never really been able to hide anything from her. More than that, he wants her to know. Ever since Budapest she has always been the one to know everything that goes on with him. Everything he would let anyone see, that is. But he is not hiding anymore and he is definitely not going to hide his happiness.

Getting home means showing Phil a few acrobatic tricks. Turns out there are a lot of fun to be had when you can do a full split or get your feet behind your head.

At home Phil rarely commands Clint and at work the orders are never said like commands. Not because he doesn’t want it or fear that it might trigger something. Clint knows he can be good without the commands, Phil has assured him of that several times. He had to. After everything that happened with the man, Clint no longer feels the same compulsion to follow commands. He is broken.

He still feels the commands, the desire to be good and obey, but he can fight it if he wants to. The longer it goes on, the harder it is to fight it, but for the few of Phil’s commands he has tried to resist, he has been able to do it without too much trouble.

Clint normally doesn’t ignore it when Phil commands him. He likes to obey Phil. No one else has tried to command him since he got back, but it seems likely that he would be able to ignore most commands, unless they were to keep it up for longer than usually.

Working slowly becomes routine again. Paperwork when he has to, training with his team, showing the newer agents the ropes, going on missions. So far none of the missions have been dangerous and Clint is pretty sure they are trying to keep him from a firefight for a while yet. He thinks he should be mad, but he’s not really. He doesn’t mind waiting a little.

A firefight is not the only thing he would like to postpone, but he knows what’s coming and he needs to be prepared for it.

“How soon are you going to resume my training?” He asks one night over dinner. They are both sitting on the couch. Clint would rather be on the floor, leaning on Phil’s leg and being fed by him, but he needs to be lucid for this conversation.

Phil pauses for a long moment before putting his fork down. “Do you want your training to resume?”

“I… No… I just… I want to be ready…” Clint looks down. He really doesn’t want to start his training again. He hated it before being captured by HYDRA and he doubts he could go through it now without remembering the man. Even if he can ignore commands, he doesn’t like the though of someone trying to command him against his will.

Phil reaches over and takes his hand, capturing his eyes. “I don’t think training you is the best idea after what happened. Besides, you’ve already proven that you can resist.”

“But I…” Clint swallows, the memories too close now. “I didn’t resist. I told him my name, I…” He chokes a little, unable to continue. He remembers the man’s voice, the way his hand felt in Clint’s hair. He remembers obeying his commands, leaning on his legs unable to tear himself away and letting the man pet him.

“Clint…” Phil places a gentle hand on his cheek. “You didn’t just obey any command thrown your way. You were tortured to your breaking point, kept awake and in pain for days until you were too weak to fight and still you didn’t give in. You didn’t tell him anything about your team, you kept resisting until we could find you. What you did was amazing. I have never known anyone as strong as you!”

Clint feels lightheaded and leans into Phil’s touch, closing his eyes. Phil’s words are almost enough to pull him under and he needs a moment to collect himself before opening his eyes again.

“I hate the training…” His voice is barely more than a whisper and he can feel the tears threatening to spill over. Phil is watching him very closely. “I hate it. I can’t breathe afterwards. It hurts and I always drop when I get home.”

“You never said anything…” Phil says quietly.

“I couldn’t. If you knew… I was afraid I’d… I’d loose my job and be sent away… I…” The tears are falling now, Clint is unable to stop them. It’s the first time he has ever voiced how much the training affected him.

“My dear heart…” Phil gently puts his arms around Clint and pulls him in close. “I’ll make it stop, I promise. You don’t have to do it anymore. You don’t need to prove anything.”

Clint burrows close to Phil, crying quietly. Phil kisses his hair, his forehead and cheeks, wiping away the tears but otherwise letting him cry as much as he needs.

After a while, Clint is just resting in Phil’s arms. He is relieved that Phil will make sure he doesn’t have to train any more. He can’t imagine it would be a pleasant experience, even if he is able to resist the commands.

“How are you feeling my love?” Phil asks after a long silence.

“I’m okay, just… Promise me?” Clint says, resting his head against Phil’s cheek.

“I promise. I’ll stop the training.” Phil kisses him sweetly and Clint lets out a relieved sigh. He knows Phil will take good care of him. He trusts Phil.

Clint eventually makes a request to Director Fury to be allowed to use the bow Tony made in the field. The director is not exactly happy about that, but he does agree to let Clint show what the bow can do before making a decision.

Knowing that he has to show everything the bow has to offer, Clint goes to see Tony to plan out the demonstration. With Tony’s flair for presentations and Clint’s showmanship they manage to create something that will hopefully prove the use of the new bow. Clint has been practicing with it every day since Tony first showed it to him to make sure he can use it to its full abilities.

He is still nervous when the time comes to show it. Director Fury is not an easy man to impress. Somehow his entire team is there to see the presentation even of they should be working. Clint suspects Natasha’s hand in arranging that. Phil is there too, both as their handler and to support Clint. Tony is there to help set up the target range.

They made it as a training course for him to run, Tony activating different obstacles as he comes close. It’s not as big and impressive as Tony would have wanted, but the track is limited and they didn’t have much time. Mostly, it’s different enemy shaped targets popping up at random, a few targets that need to be taken out, but not killed and maybe some surprises that Tony won’t tell him about.

Clint double-checks the bow and arrows and takes a deep breath. He is good, impressively so, there is no doubt about that. He can do this. He is never really nervous in the field, trusting his skills and his team to get through whatever happens (recent experiences not included), but this is different. He is nervous.

He can do this.

When Tony gives him the signal, he stars running and leaves the nervousness behind. He is a skilled agent and an excellent archer. The first few targets are easily dispatched, then come a target that needs to survive and he changes to a tranquilizer dart with the buttons on the grip. He weaves between obstacles, planting a tracker on a target trying to leave and blowing up a few barriers to get through. He is actually enjoying himself.

Then the floor disappears under him.

For a moment, he is stunned, but then his hard earned muscle memory kicks in and he pushes a button on the grip, changing the arrow a second before he shoots it off. He grabs the bow with both hands and when the arrow hits above him, a rope is pulled tight between the arrow and the bow. It only takes a small flick of another button to make the rope start to retract, pulling him up again.

When he emerges, he finds himself surrounded by enemies. Actual people this time, no just stationary targets. Using the bow as a blunt weapon, he fights his way out, using another tranquilizer to knock out the last enemy.

The he hears applause and there is no doubt in his mind where it is coming from.

“Fuck you and your surprises Stark!” He yells, turning towards the engineer. Tony just smiles, still applauding and showing no signs of remorse at all.

Clint shoves him a little before pulling him in for a one armed hug. He is not actually mad. The fall surprised him, but he is pretty sure that Tony wouldn’t consciously do something that would put him in danger.

“That was quite an impressive show Agent Barton.” Says a firm voice behind them and Clint turns to see Director Fury approaching with Phil and the team. Both Natasha and Bucky are grinning like mad, while Steve and Phil look a little worried.

“Thank you sir.” Clint says, standing a little straighter in front of the director.

“How many different arrows?” Director Fury asks.

“That depends on what’s needed. It can be changed to fit a specific mission.” Clint answers.

The director nods. “I see. Mister Stark, I need to see the schematics and expenses of the weapon as well as any patents. If this is to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. approved weapon, I want no one else to be able to get their hands on one.”

“Of course.” Tony smiles. “I’ll have them sent to you.”

Director Fury turns to leave. “You have almost convinced me Agent Barton. If there are no problems with the schematics or a collaboration with Stark Industries, I will approve the use of a bow on certain missions.”

“Thank you sir.” Clint just gets to say, before Fury leaves the room.

“That was so fucking cool.” Bucky exclaims giving Clint a quick hug while Natasha kisses his cheek. “You were incredible.”

“How much of that did you know?” Phil asks firmly before Clint can say anything. He still looks worried.

“I… Uh… Most of it?” Clint says, getting a little worried himself now. Is Phil mad?

“Did you know about the trapdoor?” Phil says.

“No, I… Not really…” Clint bites his lip and looks down. He can hear Steve sigh. “Tony…”

“I knew he could do it.” Tony says, sounding surprised at their worry.

“You could have gotten hurt Clint.” Phil says, stepping a little closer. It’s nice, knowing that he worries. But he doesn’t need to. “I didn’t. I’m fine.” Clint looks up, meeting the eyes of his dom. “I’ve trained for weeks, I know how to handle surprises. I’m a good agent. “

Phil pauses with his mouth open, ready to say more. Then he lets out a breath and the worry disappears with the exhale. “I know you are. You really were incredible. I just…”

“It’s okay to be scared…” Clint says with a smile, putting both arms around Phil’s waist and kissing him softly. They don’t normally kiss at work, but there is no one but their friends in the room, so it’s doesn’t really count.

When he pulls away again, Phil is smiling. Looking around, he sees that Steve has an arm around Tony, so he is not mad either.

They have to go back to work after that, but when the day ends, they go out to celebrate Clint and Tony’s success. It’s a wonderful evening and it only gets better when Phil and Clint get home.

Coming apart in Phil’s arms is quite possible the best thing that ever happened to Clint.

It takes a few more weeks before the approval is official and only for missions where the bow is deemed an appropriate tool, but it still feels like a victory. His skills and Tony’s tech made it possible. Natasha has talked about getting Tony to make her something special too.

It takes less time before the rumors about the bow and his performance starts to run through S.H.I.E.L.D. Not everyone is happy about Clint getting special treatment, because he is. The entire team is getting special treatment. Alpha Team holds the record for most successful missions (Clint’s abduction being their first failure in a long time) and is known for their high skill level. They get special treatment because they are the best. But the rest of the team are doms and they are expected to get special treatment. For a sub to be singled out like that is something that many doms see as an insult. A lot of people are jealous of the A on his uniform.

Most people keep to whispering about him when they think he can’t hear them. Some don’t bother to whisper. Some choose a more direct approach.

“So, it’s Coulson…” The voice is harsh and Clint turns to see three agents coming towards him. The room is empty except for him and the three men are blocking the only door.

“I always thought he was the captain’s pet…” One of them says.

“They probably share. Rogers and Barnes share their little sub toy.” The last one says.

Clint knows who they are. Rumlow, Rollins and Pierce. Part of the Beta Team. There has always been a less than friendly competition between the Alpha and Beta Teams. Beta Team is always second in both mission success and skill. Alpha Team is just better. Steve makes them better. Steve makes them _want_ to be better.

Like several other agents, most of Beta Team never thought a sub had any place in S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Can I help you gentlemen with anything?” Clint asks, straightening a little and looking Rumlow in the eye.

“You can get on your knees boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad to hear how much you like to return to this 'verse :) You are very welcome to live here with me from now on
> 
> Next chapter will be up monday


	3. Not a Toy

Phil is used to being called into Director Fury’s office, so he doesn’t really worry until he opens the door and sees Clint with a busted lip and a black eye, arms folded over his chest and rage in his eyes.

“Clint, what – ” Phil starts, but is interrupted by a very firm voice. “Agent Barton has been involved in an altercation with three agents from Beta Team.”

Phil looks from Director Fury to Clint. “What happened?”

“I’m not a toy.” Clint says firmly, getting to his feet. “I’m not a toy or a pet or a boy. I’m a grown man and a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent.”

“Of course.” Phil says, confused, but he is getting an idea of what this is about. “You’re… What happened?”

“Why? So you can question me too? I’m not going to talk about this. Watch the surveillance video.” Clint snaps. Phil can’t remember Clint ever talking to him like that before. “Clint, please, just let me –“

“No. I don’t need _you_ right now.” Clint says, turning on his heel and striding out the door. Phil is too surprised to stop him. He is also more than a little hurt.

He takes a moment to collect himself before turning back to Director Fury. “Show me the video.”

Phil wishes it were the first time he saw someone violate Clint on a surveillance video.

There is no sound, but that doesn’t make it better. The three agents corner Clint in a room with only one exit. They talk to him. Phil knows it’s a command, even if he can’t hear it. He can see it in the eyes of Rumlow when he talks.

This time, Clint isn’t starving or weak or scattered. He is strong and balanced and furious. He keeps eye contact with Rumlow as he punches out two of his teeth.

The fight that follows is rough and dirty. Phil is actually surprised that Clint didn’t get more than a black eye and a split lip with the amount of resistance he is meeting from the Beta Team agents. It doesn’t stop until several other agents show up to tear them apart.

Director Fury is quiet while they watch it, making Phil think that he must have seen it before.

“Where are they now?” Phil asks.

“Suspended.” Fury answers.

“Suspended? They tried to command him!” Phil says, turning to face his boss.

“And he hit them. Barton threw the first punch. Be glad I’m not suspending him.” Fury says, completely unimpressed by Phil’s anger.

He leaves the office some time late to go look for Clint, but he is not surprised when he can’t find the archer anywhere on the S.H.I.E.L.D. premises. Calling his phone only gets him to voice mail. He leaves a message, asking Clint to just tell him he’s okay. Then he goes to his own apartment.

The place is slowly getting covered in dust. He practically lives with Clint, even if the apartment is too small for the both of them but going back right now doesn’t feel right.

 _I don’t need_ you _right now._

It hurts. It hurts that Clint left because he didn’t want to be close to Phil. It hurts knowing that Clint is in pain and Phil can’t help him. It hurts knowing that someone tried to command his love against his will again.

He doesn’t do anything, just wanders around the apartment, moving things from one place to another, watering the dying plants.

He calms down a little when he gets a text from Steve, letting him know that Clint is with Tony.

It makes sense that Clint would go to Tony. They might be friends for more reasons that that, but Tony being a sub means that they can share something Phil can never understand. After being assaulted by three doms, Clint probably needs to be in the company of someone who doesn’t have the ability to command him.

Phil stays in his apartment until Steve lets him know it’s safe to come by. Then he hurries to the Tower.

Steve doesn’t say anything when he arrives, just leads him to Tony’s workshop with a tight expression. Tony gets up when he enters, leaving without a word to go with Steve. Phil slowly walks closer to Clint, who is sitting with his back to the door.

“You can come closer… I’m not… I’m not going to yell at you again…” Clint says. He sounds very tired.

“You didn’t yell at me.” Clint says, going over to sit down next to Clint.

“I did. I… I’m sorry…” Clint says quietly, looking at his hands and not at Phil.

“I saw the video. I’m not surprised you were mad.” Phil watches Clint’s fidgeting hands, wondering if it would be okay for him to take them in his.

“I wasn’t mad at you… I shouldn’t have…” Clint grabs one hand with the other, forcing them to stop moving. Phil gently covers them in his. “I know… It’s okay…”

Clint lets out a sigh and some of the tension slowly fades from his shoulders as he lean on Phil, who puts an arm around him.

“I hate this…”

“I know… I’m sorry that it happened…”

“What happens next?” Clint asks after they have been sitting quiet for a while.

“We go home… I take care of you and make sure you are okay… Somehow we figure out tomorrow…” Phil says, running a hand through Clint’s hair.

“Am I fired?” Clint’s voice is very quiet.

“No sweetheart, of course not.” Phil says, turning his head to kiss Clint’s hair. “You were just defending yourself… But you did hit a fellow agent, so you get a verbal warning… Consider it given…”

Clint sighs and closes his eyes. “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble…”

“You were not the course of the trouble love… You were victim of their stupidity…” Phil ensures him.

Clint hums quietly, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder.

“Do you want to eat here?” Phil asks.

“No… No, I just want to go home… With you…” It almost sounds like a plea.

“Of course.” Phil pulls Clint in a little closer, kissing his hair and forehead. “Let’s go home…”

Tony walks them out, giving Clint a hug before they leave. The trip home seems far too long and even when the door closes behind them, Clint doesn’t seem completely at ease.

“What’s wrong Clint?” Phil asks, putting a hand on his shoulder. Clint looks away. “I… I was afraid that… That you’d be mad at me… That… That you would…”

“I’m not leaving.” Phil says firmly, lifting Clint’s face with a gentle hand so he can’t look away. “Clint, this… This is nowhere near enough to even make me even consider leaving you… You did nothing wrong! Hell, I’m glad you hit them. They deserve nothing less.”

Clint smiles carefully, the worry leaving his eyes. He leans in for a kiss, but stops as soon as they touch.

“Ouch…” Clint raises a hand to his now bleeding lip.

“Let me take care of that.” Phil says, guiding Clint to a chair and pulling out the first aid kit. “Did anyone look at this? Steve?”

“Tony… I…” Clint looks away again. “I couldn’t… Be near a dom… Not Steve… Not even you…”

“It’s okay…” Phil gently starts cleaning the blood away. “I understand. You needed some space.”

When there is nothing more Phil can do for Clint’s wounds, he packs the first aid kit away again. “Do you want some painkillers?”

“No, I…” Clint stands slowly. “Can we watch a movie or something?”

“Sure… Anything you want love…” Phil gently takes his hand and leads Clint to the couch, where they sit down together. Clint leans on him and Phil wraps both arms around his archer, kissing the uninjured pars of his face. “You’re okay… You did good today, no one is mad at you…”

Clint lets out a sigh, resting his head on Phil’s chest and closes his eyes. Phil rubs a gentle circle on his arm with his thumb. “Anything you want to watch?”

“No… Just… Wanna stay here…” Clint mumbles, his voice a little slurred.

“Okay… Just drift love, I’ll take care of you…” Phil says with a quiet smile. He finds a historical documentary that he knows Clint has no interest in and watches it while he absentmindedly pets Clint’s hair. They stay on the couch for several hours after that, Clint drifting in and out of consciousness and Phil caressing his hair and neck while watching TV.

Going to sleep that night is difficult. Clint is shaking before they even get to the bed and crying by the time they are under the covers. Phil holds him close, hiding him from the world and whispering words of love and care for hours, until Clint finally starts to relax. It takes a little while after that for Clint to actually fall asleep and several nightmares wake them up before morning.


	4. Changes

For the second time going back to work is horrible. Agent Sitwell, the remaining member of Beta Team, has been busy telling everyone that Clint attacked his team unprovoked, claiming the it is a clear result of an uncontrolled, high ranking sub. Most of the other agents are dom and several share that point of view.

It takes less than three hours before Natasha finds out and starts telling another story. Before the day is over, most agents know that Clint resisted a command and punched the dom that tried to control him. The look at him differently after that, but he can’t tell if it’s better or worse.

In the end, it doesn’t matter. His friends treat him the same as always. They have lunch together, Natasha complimenting him on knocking two teeth out with one punch and Phil holding his hand. Bucky spends a long time debating how best to punish Beta Team when they return and Steve offers to report them for anything that will keep them away from Clint.

No matter what the other agents say about him his team will always be there for him.

Getting home is still a relief. Clint is tired from his restless sleep last night and knows that Phil must be too.

“How are you feeling love?” Phil asks, putting an arm around his waist.

“I’m okay… Just tired… It was a long day…” Clint says, leaning into Phil and resting his head on the agents shoulder.

Phil gently rubs his back. “It was… Do you want to feel that you are mine tonight?”

“Mmm… Always want to be yours…” Clint says, idly playing with Phil’s tie.

“Then I better make sure you feel good, don’t you think?” Phil says. He puts a hand on Clint’s cheek so he can tilt the archer’s head up and kisses him. Clint’s lip still hurts a little, but not enough for him to break the long kiss. Then Phil lets go of him and takes a step back. “Go to the bedroom and take off you clothes.”

“Yeah… Okay…” Clint already feels a little breathless and it takes a moment before he is able to actually walk to the bedroom. Moving gets easier with every step and when he gets into the dark bedroom, it is easy to undress. He throws his clothes somewhere on the floor. Phil has tried to make him fold it or at least gather it on a chair, but Clint doesn’t really work that way.

After a moment Phil enters the room, holding a length of soft rope in his hand. Clint lets out a small whine.

“Do you want this love?” Phil asks quietly.

“Yes… Yes please…” Clint breathes, knowing that his arousal is obvious at this point.

“Lie down on the bed, hands above your head.” Phil says and Clint rushes to obey. When he is lying on the bed Phil sits down next to him, wrapping the rope around his wrists and tying it to the hooks on the wall. “Smart of you to have these installed.” Phil says conversationally. “Makes this so much easier.”

Clint just watches him, unable to think of an answer. He already feels a little spaced-out just from the ropes around his wrists. Phil kisses his hands before getting up from the bed again and undressing agonizingly slow. Clint whines a little, making Phil smile. “Patience love. I’ll take good care of you, I promise.”

Phil does fold his clothes and put it neatly on the chair, before going to the bed and leaning in over Clint. They kiss slowly, Phil’s hands resting on Clint’s ribs and neither of the moving more than they have to.

After a while, Phil moves on. His mouth travels from Clint’s lips down his jaw and neck, over his chest and stomach. He is meticulous and patient, paying equal attention to every little patch of skin, kissing and biting and licking. He doesn’t get very far before Clint is breathing raggedly, trying to grind his hips up into Phil to get friction. He is so hard it almost hurts and he really wants Phil to touch him.

Instead of touching him, Phil grabs his hips and holds him down. Clint whines again, louder this time. Phil squeezes his hips lightly. “Impatient. Be good for me now and I’ll be good for you.”

He wants to be good. Phil makes it so easy to be good, he never asks for anything Clint can’t do, he is so patient and kind. Clint closes his eyes, breathing deeply to steady himself a little. It hardly helps at all, but Phil runs his hands over Clint’s hips. “There we go. Just breathe and relax. You are doing great my love.”

Clint lets out a long moan that has nothing to do with Phil touching him and everything to do with the knowledge that Phil loves him. It took a little while for him to believe it, to accept that he was worthy of that love, but he can no longer remember a day where Phil didn’t prove the truth of it in words and deeds. Sometimes Clint still doubt that he deserves it, but Phil seems to have a sixth sense for knowing when that happens and will then spend hours holding him, just being there. They both know that nothing Phil says will convince Clint of his own worth, but Phil’s patience and presence is slowly working its magic.

Being the center of Phil’s attention like this doesn’t hurt either. Phil runs a hand over Clint’s leg and kisses the skin under his navel, licking down a little so his chin is grazing Clint’s cock. Clint is shaking with want now. “Phil… Phil, please…”

“I know my heart. I’m here.” Phil says, his hand caressing Clint’s leg all the way to the base of his cock. His fingers wrap around it and Clint lets out a small gasp.

“You are mine Clint. My heart and love. The only one I ever wanted, so good and strong. You are mine and I am yours. No one else.” Phil says while his hands move over Clint’s skin.

“No one else…” Clint echoes, but his voice seems far away. He couldn’t string together a sentence if he tried and is glad he doesn’t have to. Phil doesn’t say more either. Instead, he busies his mouth with Clint’s cock.

The world is fading away, leaving only him, Phil and the pleasure building inside of him. He is making several unintelligible sounds, but Phil just squeezes his leg, letting him know it’s okay.

Clint is practically screaming when he comes.

After that, the world becomes too fuzzy and distant for him to understand. He is dimly aware of Phil moving, untying his hands and rubbing feeling back into them, but he is too blissed out to care.

When Phil puts his arms around him, Clint snuggles closer to his warmth, feeling safe and loved and deserving.

The nightmares are vague and far between that night and none wake him up.

The following morning is lazy and pleasant. Phil always makes sure the clock wakes them in good time in case they need extra time after a difficult night. Because of that, good nights mean they have plenty of time before work.

Clint realizes the unbalance in the universe while he is looking for clothes to wear. Phil is shaving and Clint goes to see him in the tiny bathroom without bothering to put what he found on.

“I just remembered…” He says, grabbing Phil’s wrist and gently forcing him to put down the razor. “That you were good for me last night, but I didn’t do anything for you…”

“You don’t have to do anything for me.” Phil says while turning towards Clint. “It’s not a scoreboard.”

“No, thank God. I’d already be hopelessly behind.” Clint says before kissing Phil lovingly. “But I still want to do something for you… I want to be good for you…”

Letting his left hand rest on Phil’s hip, he moves the right between his legs. Phil is still wearing his soft pajama pants, making it easy to feel the hardening length between his legs.

“Mmm…” Phil closes his eyes. “If you really want… Who am I to stop you?”

Clint smiles, going to his knees in from of his lover. He pulls down Phil’s pants and kisses the soft skin on his hip. The smell of him is intoxicating.

He can’t take as long as he wants, they still have to get to work, but he doesn’t rush either, taking his time to lick the length of Phil’s cock before sucking the head into his mouth. It is still relatively new for him and he likes to have more time to do it right.

His first few awkward attempts had had Phil fighting not to laugh, but the Internet proved to be an excellent teacher. Even Phil says that his skill has greatly improved. True, going from no skill to any skill at all _is_ a great improvement, but Clint chooses to believe that Phil likes what he does. The way his breathing is becoming faster seems to prove that Clint is right.

“You look so good Clint…” Phil says, his voice breaking a little, his eyes dark when Clint looks up at him. If Clint didn’t have his mouth full, he’d say that Phil looks pretty damn good himself. He must remember to mention that later.

Slowly, he finds a steady rhythm, taking a little more of Phil’s cock into his mouth every time. Phil’s fingers are in his hair, controlling his movements gently. Clint doesn’t go completely under, but his mind goes soft and quiet.

He feels safe. Being naked and vulnerable on his knees in front of Phil makes him feel more protected than any armor S.H.I.E.L.D. ever issued him.

“Why don’t you touch yourself for me love? I’d like to see that…” Phil says above him. It’s barely a command, but Clint is happy to obey. Before this, before Phil, he would never have guessed that sucking another man’s cock would turn him on like it does.

Without Phil’s hand in his hair Clint would probably loos his rhythm pretty fast, but the hand is both guiding and grounding, keeping Clint from going too far down.

“Are you going to come with me Clint? I want you to. Can you be good for me?” Phil asks breathlessly.

It’s easier when it’s a question and not a command. If Clint fails, he knows Phil won’t be mad. He will get a chance to try again later. He will still be good.

They do come almost at the same time, Clint beating Phil by only a few seconds. Clint licks the come from Phil, but finds himself unable to get up afterwards until Phil grabs him by the arms and helps.

“Did you enjoy that love?” Phil asks, supporting Clint.

“Was supposed to be for you…” Clint mumbles, still working on getting back to himself.

“I like it when you have fun.” Phil says, kissing him and placing a hand on Clint’s neck. The touch is grounding and helps him come back a little faster.

He is completely lucid by the time they go to work and that’s lucky, as they are assigned their first combat mission since Clint’s kidnapping. Apparently, Director Fury thinks that the best way to prove that Clint belongs at S.H.I.E.L.D. is to put him on a mission where he has to prove his worth. He doesn’t say that of course, but they get the idea.

It’s a rescue mission. A Wakandan prince has been taken hostage by a group of rebels and it is their job to get him back. USA is trying to establish trade relations with the sovereign African nation and saving a beloved dignitary would be a strong show of goodwill.

Normally they don’t do missions for political reasons, a missing person is a missing person. The prince, however, is known to be progressive and intelligent as well as the only son of the king. He is the promise of a bright future for Wakanda.

They plan out the mission as always, Natasha and Clint gathering as much information as possible while Steve comes up with a plan and Bucky points out flaws in that plan until they arrive at the best possible solution. They get ready to leave as quickly as possible.

Clint gets to bring the bow.

Finding the rebel base proves easy enough and getting in is no trouble either, courtesy of the smoke arrows Tony prepared for Clint. Inside, they do meet resistance. The rebels might not be well trained, but they outnumber Alpha Team seven to one. As always, Clint keeps back, providing cover or his team.

In the end, they rescue the prince with a minimum of injuries to their side. Clint is grazed by a bullet, two plates on Bucky’s metal arm get damaged and Steve gets a very impressive bruise on his left arm and shoulder.

The prince, T’challa, is unharmed and very calm during his rescue. He thanks all of them politely while they return to base and if he is surprised by Clint’s designation, he doesn’t show it.

The entire team gets commended for the rescue, but the only praise that matters to Clint is the one he gets from Phil when they go home.

They get the next day off, mostly because of Steve, but everyone enjoys the extra rest. After having his wound thoroughly checked by Phil, Clint goes to see Tony and find him working on Bucky’s broken arm.

It takes less than a minute before Tony is talking at full speed. “He has no idea of how to protect himself! I know running straight into danger is your job, but at least you try to take cover. Natasha takes cover. Bucky takes cover, even if it is only behind the arm so I have to repair it all the time. Steve has no fucking regard for his personal safety.”

Clint rolls his eyes and smiles. It’s nowhere near the first time he has heard these complains about his captain. Mostly, he has heard them from Bucky. It seems the two of them agree that their boyfriend needs to learn how to protect himself.

“You know, for someone working for S.H.I.E.L.D., he is terrible at shielding himself. He…” Tony stops. His hands pause on the metal, the arm completely forgotten. Clint recognizes that look by now and knows that the best way to deal with it is to just wait Tony out, so he goes to play fetch with the bots.

After a while he hears Tony start working again and goes back to him.

“New idea?” Tony asks.

“Don’t know if I can get the metal yet.” Tony says, focus back on the arm. Clint leaves it, knowing full well that Tony won’t say more about it until he starts working on whatever it is.

“Is Bucky walking around with one arm while you fix that?” Clint sits down on the table again.

“No, he has one of the old ones. This one is better, so I need to fix it. The other one is cold. I don’t like cold.” Tony says, not bothering to look up.

“Sometimes I think you just improve his arm for your own sake.” Clint muses. Tony smiles. “When do I ever do anything that doesn’t benefit me? Speaking of, have you thought about my offer?”

“Yeah, I just… I haven’t asked Phil… I don’t know…” Clint says. It could work, he thinks, but it would also be a big change. And maybe a little weird.

“You have to make a choice at some point. You can’t stay in that apartment for much longer. Does Phil even have any of his stuff there?” Tony says.

“Mostly clothes… His computer… Some toiletries and books… There isn’t really room for much more.” Clint had meant to bring it up. There had just been so much they needed to take care of, it slipped his mind. Mostly. Talking to Phil means bringing up the future and somewhere in the deepest darkness of his soul, he is still terrified that Phil doesn’t want Clint to be a part of his future. “I’ll talk to him when I get home.”

“Let me know what you decide.” Tony says while picking up a tool that looks made for maiming and not building.

When Clint gets home, Phil has made dinner. Clint is lucky that Phil can actually cook and that Phil does not expect Clint to, otherwise they would be living of take out. Sitting down at the table reinforces the need to talk to Phil. There is only just enough room for the two chairs. Most days they eat on the couch with Clint on the floor, both because they both like that but also because there is more space in the living room.

“I… Um… I’ve been thinking…” Clint says, unsure how to continue, until Phil looks at him questioningly. No backing out now. “About us… And about… About the future…”

“What have you found out?” Phil says gently and places reassuring a hand on Clint’s.

“I… The… The apartment is too small for the both of us… It worked when I was scattered and you had to stay with me to take care of me, but now it’s…” Clint fumbles with the words. He is scared, but Phil’s hand helps him focus. “It doesn’t work anymore. I… If… If we are to keep living together we need to find a bigger place…”

“Clint…” Phil abandons his food, getting up from the chair so he can stand in front of Clint, placing a hand on either side of his face. “There is no ‘if’ in that unless you want it. I told you, I’m not leaving. No one else my love.”

“No one else.” Clint lets out a long breath and leans into Phil’s hands. “I don’t want there to be an ‘if’… I… I still need you… I think I will always need you…”

“And I will always be there for you.” Phil says, kissing him affectionately. “But I wouldn’t mind being there for you in a bigger apartment. Should we start looking for a new apartment for both of us?”

“Well…” Clint looks up at Phil. “The thing is… We might not have to… Tony has offered us a floor in the Tower…”

“A floor?” Phil looks surprised and a little impressed. “So… He’d empty an entire floor for us?”

“There are several empty floors just below Tony’s… They belong to him, but he doesn’t really use them…”

Phil sits down on the chair again. “So… We’d live with them?”

“No, it’s… It would be like an apartment. We’d have our own keys and they’d not be able to get in without us opening the door…” Clint says. Tony had talked about it for a long time, promising them as much privacy as they wanted.

“I would prefer that. How much would we pay?” Phil asks.

“Nothing if Tony gets his way.” Clint says and continues when he sees the look on Phil’s face. “But we could probably figure something out.”

Phil nods. “Would you like to live in the Tower?”

“I… I think so, yes… It’s closer to work and if it’s anything like Tony’s own floor, we would have more room than I know what to do with…” Clint says. Phil nods again. “Okay. It might work… We can at least go talk to him and see the floor… If we don’t like it, we can find something ourselves.”

So they go to see Tony that weekend. He shows them the Tower and the vacant floors. They are just as big as Clint imagined and empty except for some appliances. He tells them about how it would work, where they could go without him and how would be able to enter their floor. He explains that all floors are soundproof and that there is no surveillance unless they want it. He even offers them access to JARVIS if they want.

Phil and Tony spend quite a while discussing the rent while Clint wanders about the empty rooms. It’s not that he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t care as much as Phil does. Phil is already a little annoyed that Clint won’t let him pay part of the rent on his apartment, but Phil has to pay for his own apartment as well, so it doesn’t seem fair. Clint has already told Phil that he does not want to be a kept sub. He has a good job and earns enough to take care of himself. Sharing an apartment with Phil would mean they would both pay half of the rent. He likes the thought of sharing the expenses with Phil.

When they get home they discuss it at length. And they continue the discussion over the next week. It’s not really that they disagree. It’s more that they want to be sure they are making the right decision.

In the end, they move into the Tower. Tony is very excited when Clint tells him and offers his help with anything they need. He starts making preparations for the floor at once.

Clint has moved a lot already and knows how annoying it is, especially with two apartments instead of just one. At least their floor in the Tower will be big enough that they don’t need to throw anything out unless they actually want to and they do. They throw their old beds out and buy a new one that is big enough for both of them. They combine the rest of the furniture and end up having almost everything they need. They also make sure their new bedroom is set up like Clint’s old, with complete darkness and as little sound as possible.

They don’t get to move alone. As soon as they mention it, they have help from the entire team. Natasha, Bruce, Tony and Clint start packing up Clint’s apartment, while Steve, Bucky and Phil take care of his. It turns out to be very effective. No one is surprised when Steve takes command and arranges the packing of Phil’ apartment, but it is a little surprising that Tony proves to be a very efficient organizer and manager of Clint’s apartment.

Tony took care of transportation too, so in a few days all their stuff is moved into the Tower. Their friends help with most of the big stuff, but leave the personal things for them to do later. Moving day turns into a pizza dinner at Steve, Bucky and Tony’s floor and then into movies on the wall, where JARVIS projects whatever they want to watch.

Bruce sits on the floor by Natasha’s feet on a pillow and Clint is a little surprised that no one seems to care. Phil must notice him looking, because he leans in close. “Where do you want to be love?”

“With you… I just…” Clint bites his lip. He actually has no idea.

“How about this?” Phil asks and pulls a blanket and several pillows onto the floor before sitting down on them with his back against the couch. Clint smiles, crawling down to sit next to Phil. No one seems to care about that either and Clint leans into Phil’s side. He should have known that normal sub/dom rules don’t count in Tony’s home. So many of them on the floor mean that Tony has a lot of room to drape himself on his doms on the couch.

Clint is rarely obvious with his designation with anyone but Phil, but these are his friends. They have always known that he was a sub and never treated him different because of it. He can trust them with this.

One movie turns into several. Sitting with Phil on the floor feel safe and Clint relaxes into his dom. Around the third movie he falls asleep with his head on Phil’s lap.


	5. No Longer a Victim

Living in the Tower is a little odd at first. They have to go through the lobby to get home and take a private elevator to their floor. It’s strange to live in a place where one of the floors is a private gym and shooting range. The range was originally built for Bucky, but when Clint moves in, it quickly becomes adapted for archery as well. Because of this, competitions between Clint and Bucky become a fairly regular thing. Tony’s reaction to that is to fit the room with a scoreboard, showing the results of the latest competition and the overall score.

Living in an apartment where there is room for both of them and room enough for Phil’s things makes it feel more real for Clint. Phil isn’t just there for a few days until Clint gets better. It’s not a temporary solution. It’s permanent because Phil wants to be there. Because there is no one else for either of them.

Living close to Tony, Bucky and Steve proves to have both good and bad effects. It means that there is always help and company nearby and they start having dinner together once a week when their missions allow. Unfortunately, it also makes it very easy for Phil and Steve to continue working when they get home, discussing strategies and training regimes for the new agents. More than once Clint, Tony and Bucky have to break them up and pull them home.

Still, it’s not enough to make it a bad place to live.

“Do you think I can convince Natasha and Bruce to move into the Tower too?” Tony asks on the way home one day. Tony had to go to the opening of a new facility because Pepper told him to and Clint had a day off, so he had offered to accompany his friend. It had been vastly entertaining to see all the fancy dom guests stare at the two subs walking around like they owned the place (which, technically, Tony does).

Leaving the drive to get the car home, they decided to walk. It’s not far really and the weather is nice.

“Have we become some kind of collectible to you?” Clint asks, smiling. He knows by now that Tony didn’t have many friends before he met Bucky and Steve and it’s not really surprising that he wants to keep his new friends close.

“You gotta admit it would be nice to have the full set.” Tony says.

Clint laughs. He is happy and relaxed and it takes too long before he notices that the park is far too empty for the time of day. The realization makes hip stop and Tony turns towards him, surprised. “What? It’s not like I was going to display you on my mantle piece.”

“Something’s wrong.” Clint says, quickly searching the area with his eyes. There are several men in the area, acting casual, but Clint knows a concealed weapon when he sees one. “Come.” He grabs Tony by the arm and turns to leave as quickly as possible.

They don’t get far. As soon as they turn a corner, they are stopped by several men in dark clothes blocking the road.

“Mister Stark. How lovely to meet you here.” One of the men, obviously the leader, says as he steps forwards.

“Can I help you?” Tony says, eyes darting between the men. Clint knows he is nervous, even if he is trying to hide it behind his media façade. All the men are doms, doing nothing to hide their designations.

“You and your friend can come with us.” The man smiles and Tony takes a step back. Clint automatically positions himself between his friend and the enemy.

“This will be much easier if you cooperate like a good sub. We don’t want to hurt you.” The man’s voice has an overbearing tone, a tone most doms use when they think the sub in front of them is too stupid to understand what is best for them.

“I’m afraid we don’t have time for field trips.” Tony says turning to leave. He stops abruptly and makes a small, surprised sound. Clint isn’t surprised. He keeps his eyes on the leader, but he heard them come while he was talking. They are surrounded.

“It’s not your choice I’m afraid. Get on your knees.” It’s a vicious command. Behind him, Tony falls to his knees with a choked sound. Clint is still standing and the man steps so close that Clint can smell the cigarette on his breath. “I said, knees. Now!”

There is nothing but the voice and the eyes. It’s a forceful command. But the man is not Phil and Clint is never going to obey commands from anyone but Phil ever again. And he is definitely not letting these men command Tony against his will.

The man’s eyes widen in surprise when Clint stabs one of the knives from his sleeve into his gut. “You can’t command me.” Clint hisses as the man coughs blood on his face. “I’m broken.”

The man collapses in front of him before the others react. Then they rush him and Clint is vastly outnumbers. He only has a few knives with him. For once, he is glad that working for S.H.I.E.L.D. has made him so paranoid that he can’t leave home without weapons.

His only advantage is that the men attacking them obviously want to take them in without harming them. Clint has no such reservations and starts by throwing a knife into the eye of another attacker. Two down. He has no idea how many are left.

Behind him, he hears Tony speak, but the words ‘Mark five’ means nothing to him, so he focuses on the fight in front of him. He does his best to keep close to Tony, needing to keep his friend safe but not daring to look for him with so many enemies in front of them.

He manages to take down four more before they pin him down. He can’t struggle without breaking his arms. One of the men step in front of him. The man has a split lip and a knife in his hand.

“They told us to bring you in alive.” Split Lip says. “But they didn’t specify uninjured.”

Clint grits his teeth and waits for the pain. But before Split Lip can get close, a metal hand knocks him down. For a moment, Clint thinks it’s Bucky, but then he sees the red and gold alloy and the emblazoned M5 on the shoulder.

It’s a suit. But it’s like no suit Clint has ever seen before.

The suit moves fast, knocking the two men holding Clint down away and extending a hand to him. “You gonna let me have all the fun?” Tony’s voice asks. It’s light and jokey, but Clint knows Tony must be furious. He hates being commanded more than anything. Even Bucky and Steve only command him when they have to bring him back from a panic attack. Having a stranger command him like that is a nightmare for Tony.

Clint grabs his hand and gets to his feet. The arrival of a metal suit knocking their friends down has made the attackers pause and gives Clint a moment to count them. There are fifteen left. Even with the suit, the odds are bad.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a phone built into that suit, would you?” Clint asks. He does have a hearing aid with a communicator in it, but it’s only for missions and on normal days he wears one without.

“Like I am ever not in contact with Steve.” Tony huffs. Clint nods. After his disappearance Steve must have needed the communicator that links him with Bucky and Tony at all times even more.

Knowing that the cavalry is coming does not really help their current situation. Still, impossible odds never stopped him before.

He can’t throw any more knives as he is down to his last two. Having Tony fight in the suit is impressive, but it’s clear that it is not something he is used to do. In time, he could probably handle all fifteen men on his own, but right now his skills are just enough to keep the bulk of them away while Clint dispatches them one at the time.

Then the enemies start dropping before even getting close to them and Clint looks over to see Steve, Bucky and Phil, guns out, all three looking furious. The remaining men are down in seconds.

“Clint…” Phil runs towards him.

“Sir.” Clint says, making Phil stop with a surprised look on his face. “We need to secure the area, make sure no more hostiles are lurking nearby and that no civilians have been harmed.”

“Of course Agent Barton. I’ll see to that.” Phil says. Clint is relived he understands. He needs this. He needs this to be work, to see Phil as his boss. The second he sees him as his dom, as his lover, he is going to collapse and there is a lot to do before he can allow himself that.

He looks over at Tony to see Bucky tearing the suit away with his metal hand as Steve supports the engineer. Tony looks as wrecked as Clint feels. He is pale and his eyes are wide. Clint is very glad his friend is safe and taken care of.

Phil calls in more agents to take care of clean up and bring the wounded men into custody. They still need to figure out who attacked the and why, but for now it’s all Clint can do to help with the cleanup and explain what happened.

There is still much to do when Steve comes over to him. “Clint…”

He pauses and turns. Steve looks tired and worried. “We are taking Tony home. He can’t be here and we… We need to be with him now…”

“Of course.” Clint says, casting a sidelong glance at Tony, who is almost completely hidden in Bucky’s embrace. “Take good care of him.”

“We will. Clint…” Steve pauses, putting a hand on Clint’s arm. “Thank you…”

There are more feelings in Steve’s voice than words can express. Clint just nods, knowing that his own voice would betray him if he tried to speak.

After Steve and Bucky leave with Tony, it takes more than an hour before Clint feels he can leave in good conscience. As soon as he stops moving, Phil is by his side.

“I…” Clint feels himself falter. He won’t be able to hold it together for long. “Can we leave now? Is… Can we go home?”

“Of course. Let me just inform Agent Hill that we are leaving.” Phil says and calls the agent over. When she leaves again, he holds out a hand towards Clint. It’s as much a question as an offering and Clint shakes his head. He can’t do that. Not yet.

They get home without talking and without touching. It’s taking everything Clint has to keep moving. When they get home and the door closes behind him, he just stops. Suddenly he feels numb.

“Clint…” Phil steps closer and puts a hand on his shoulder. “Talk to me love…”

“I… I’m… I…” He is supposed to answer, to use his words and explain how he feels. It just isn’t happening.

“Okay… Easy…” Phil gently takes his hands. “It’s okay… We’re home… You have done so good, been so strong. You can let go now… I’m here, let me take over…”

For a moment, Clint just stares at their joint hands, the words not making any sense to him. Then something inside of him gives and he starts shaking. Phil lets go of his hands and puts his arms around him, holding him up. He is running a hand up and down Clint’s back, letting the other rest on his neck, grounding him.

Clint takes a deep breath, grabbing Phil’s shirt with both hands and leans into him. Slowly he lets everything he needs to be an agent seep out of him, leaving him feeling small and unsteady. Phil is the only reason he stays on his feet.

“There we go… Good… Just keep breathing… I’ve got you… I’ve got you my love…” Phil’s words are like a beacon, guiding him to safety. He takes a deep breath, filling his lungs with the familiar small and letting the warmth of Phil’s arms envelop him.

“That’s good… You are doing good love… I’m so proud of you…” Phil says. Clint lets out a small, pleased sound. He feels safe. He did what he had to. He resisted a hostile command, protected Tony and got both of them home safe. Phil is proud of him.

After a while, Phil runs a hand through his hair. “Why don’t you go change for bed and I’ll go get dinner? We’ll eat in bed and watch a movie on the wall with that… That computer thing Tony made…”

“JARVIS.” Clint laughs, hugging Phil tightly for a moment before letting go. “I’d really like that.”

Clint is practically lying on top of Phil while they eat, but Phil doesn’t complain. He never does. When the food is gone, Clint just snuggles closer, feeling himself relax. Phil runs a hand through his hair. “When you are ready, I would like you to tell me what happened today… But not tonight…”

Clint takes a deep breath and nods. He knows he has to tell Phil. He has can do that. Just… Not tonight. But Phil is patient.

He falls asleep with his head resting on Phil’s chest in the middle of some movie he can’t remember the name of. Nightmares wake him up twice, but Phil stays awake with him until he falls asleep again.


	6. Mark V

“It’s not your choice I’m afraid. Get on your knees.”

It’s a command. It’s a command and Tony hates it. He hates the feeling of helplessness as he falls to his knees against his will. He even bends his head and looks down. He is completely obedient and weak, so he is pretty surprised when he hears the man repeat his command.

“I said, knees. Now!”

But the command is not aimed at Tony. It’s aimed at Clint. The archer is still standing, his hand balled into fists, but he is looking straight at the dom.

“You can’t command me. I’m broken.” Clint says as his hand shoot out into the man’s gut. The man looks surprised and collapses on the ground. It’s enough to break the command and Tony pushes away from him, stumbling to his feet.

If Tony weren’t still scared, he would be impressed. He has seen training and sparing matches, but he has never seen any of his friends fight like this. Another man falls to the ground, the handle of a knife jutting from his eye.

Tony taps his watch. ”J., activate the Mark V. Now!”

He doesn’t hear JARVIS’ affirmative answer, because he suddenly gets very busy avoiding the fight. Clint is moving like a blur, hitting and kicking at everything within reach, but he is alone and there are so many of them. Clint is doing his best to keep the attackers away from Tony, but in the end they overpower him and force him down. One of the men pulls out a knife.

Then Tony’s suit arrives. He has been working on it for a while, but never done more than wearing it around the workshop to iron out the kinks. It does, however, make him feel better to have a layer of metal around him and the hostile doms.

“Tony? Tony, answer me! What is happening?”

Steve’s voice. Tony almost forgot about the communicator in his ear. The sound gets amplified inside the helmet. Steve sounds like he has been trying to get Tony’s attention for a while. He probably has. Tony has been a little preoccupied.

“I’m going to need a bit of help as soon as possible honey. I’m sending our coordinates to your phone.” Tony says, before turning down the communicator. He needs to focus.

He knocks out the man with the knife first. Steve sometimes talks about prioritizing targets and the one with a weapon out seems like it should take first priority. The two holding Clint seem to surprised to do anything for a moment and Tony uses their confusion to knock them away before holding out a hand to Clint.

“You gonna let me have all the fun?” He asks, hoping the mask will hide most of what he is feeling. Punching the scumbags who tried to command him seems like the only reasonable thing to do right now.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a phone built into that suit, would you?” Clint asks, getting to his feet.

“Like I am ever not in contact with Steve.” Tony answers. They are coming. His boyfriends, they are going to help him. Bucky and Steve will always find him. He just needs to hang on until they do.

Between them, they have two knifes and the suit. Clint makes good use of the knives and Tony does his best to act as a buffer between Clint and the men, keeping most of them at bay with easy hits to anything exposed. He has no skill or finesse, but the fact that he is punching with a metal glove means that most of the people he hit goes down.

He doesn’t notice them before a man just in front of him drops for no apparent reason. Then he spots Bucky, running towards him at full speed without even lowering his gun. Behind him is Steve and Phil, both aiming carefully before taking down two more of their attackers.

It’s over pretty quickly after that. Tony takes a step back from the fallen bodies and tries to catch his breath. It’s much harder than it should be.

Then Steve is in front of him. “What were you thinking getting into the fight like that? You could have been hurt, you could have –“

Tony doesn’t hear any more. Steve is mad at him. It’s worse than the fight, worse than getting commanded by a stranger. He has no idea what to do. He might very possibly fall apart right there. He can’t breathe.

When the faceplate opens, the words die in Steve’s throat.

“Oh no, sweetheart… Tony, I… I’m sorry baby…” The anger has completely left him as he walks closer and places a hand on Tony’s cheek, the only part of skin he can reach. It helps. Tony can manage to breathe a little.

Bucky is next to him without Tony even noticing him arriving. “We need to get you out of this doll. Can you help with that?” He asks, his voice carefully even.

“No…” Tony whispers. It’s all he has the strength for. “Not… Not here…”

“Okay. So I’ll just have to improvise.” Bucky says, gripping the front of the suit in his metal hand. He pauses for a second, looking at Tony, who just nods. He needs to get out. He can build a new.

Bucky strips the suit off him piece by piece with the arm. Steve grabs Tony and steadies him as soon as he can.

When the last part is gone, Tony practically falls into Bucky’s arms, clinging to him and hiding his face. He is shaking and can’t speak. He has lost sight of where they are and can’t remember how they got there or why he is so afraid. He just knows that Bucky is there, holding him and it is the only real thing in the world.

He has no sense of time, focusing only on Bucky’s breath and voice. Tony can’t understand the words, but the tone is soothing and familiar. When Bucky moves, Tony lets out a desperate cry. If Bucky leaves him, he _will_ fall apart. They will come and take him away to that cold dark place where there is nothing but pain and fear and loneliness.

Bucky stops moving then, holding him closer and the panic recedes. Bucky is talking to him, but the words still don’t make any sense and Tony just clings to him. Then the ground disappears beneath him as Bucky picks him up from the ground and carries him somewhere. Tony has no idea where and it doesn’t matter, not if Bucky stays with him.

The world starts making a little more sense to him in the car. He recognizes his own name in Bucky’s voice. He feels a hand combing through his hair. He is leaning on something warm and firm. Bucky. If Bucky is there, Tony is safe. But Steve… Steve was mad. Did he leave? Is he still mad?

“S… Steve…?” Tony can hardly hear his own voice, but it seems to be enough, because someone takes his hands. “I’m here Tony... It’s okay, we’re here with you…”

“I’m… I’m s-sorry…” It takes effort to get the words out but they are important. He can’t handle Steve being mad at him. The grip on his hands tightens and there is a kiss to his forehead. “No baby, don’t be sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry! You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not mad Tony. No one is mad at you.”

Tony is sitting in Bucky’s lap in a moving car. Steve is in front of him, still holding his hands. Steve isn’t mad at him and he is safe with the two people he loves the most in the world. Tony lets out a small sigh and relaxes into the familiar warmth. Bucky’s hand moves from his hair to gently resting on his neck, grounding Tony.

“How are you doing sweetheart?” Bucky asks gently.

It takes a long time for Tony to answer. He wants to tell them, to explain, but he is not really sure himself.

“Better… I… Don’t leave me?” It sounds a little childish, but he still feels like he would go to pieces if they were further than arms reach from him.

“Of course not baby. Not ever.” Steve says, his voice soft and loving.

The car stops moving. Steve gets out first and goes around the car, opening the door next to Bucky and helping Tony out. He’s unsteady on his feet and needs to lean on Steve not to fall.

Between Bucky and Steve, Tony somehow gets back to his floor of the Tower. They undress him and tuck him into bed, lying down on either side of him like a fortress to keep the world’s darkness away. Tony grabs on to anything he can reach and lets their closeness bring him home in a way that has nothing to do with the Tower.

They bring him breakfast in bed the next morning, only leaving one at the time, so Tony always has one of them to wrap himself around in the bed.

“Tony…” Bucky says while Steve is in the bathroom. He is talking slowly, meaning he doesn’t want to spook Tony. “When you are ready… I have a lot of questions about what happened yesterday…”

“I know…” Tony says quietly. He really doesn’t want to think about it, but he knows he has to.

He starts talking when Steve gets back. He has to stop several times, pausing to collect himself while they just hold him, but in the end he gets through all of it.

“I can’t believe you did that…” Steve says quietly when he is done. “Both of you… I mean, I know what Clint can do and I know you… But still…”

“You would probably have taken care of all of them on your own if we hadn’t shown up.” Bucky says with a smile, kissing Tony.

“I’m glad you came…” Tony is leaning against Steve, letting the soldier play with his hair.

“I’ve told you before. We will always find you Tony.” Steve promises and Tony hums happily. He feels so much better now.

“Did you really make that… The Mark V?” Bucky asks, his eyes wide and eager.

“Yeah, I… I’ll have to make a Mark VI now that it’s broken…” His mind is already planning some upgrades that would have been nice to have in the fight yesterday.

“I think we better start paying more attention to what you make in that workshop of yours.” Steve says. “If you managed to make five of these without us ever noticing.”

“I’ve told you about them” Tony says. He has. He has spoken at length about the suits.

“I know. I just never thought they were… Like this…” Steve says, smiling. “I want to see them. Do you mind?”

“No.” Tony smiles brightly. “No, I’d love to show you.”

He does, later. He shows them every suit, explains the differences and tells them about the changes he wants to make for the next one. They end up at the workstation with his most recent projects. None of them are related to the suits.

“They are really impressive, Tony. But I still don’t understand why you made them in the first place. Why do you feel you need an armor like that?” Steve asks softly.

Tony looks at the suits, putting his arms around himself. He could tell them he planned to sell the suits to the army, but that would not be the truth. He doesn’t make weapons anymore. “When I was captured… I was left alone and naked… I was in pain and vulnerable… I don’t… I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I want something… Something between me and everything else… Something that would make it possible for me to fight back…”

Steve gently puts his arms around Tony, holding him close for a long time before speaking. “We will never let that happen to you again. But I understand if you need to be able to do something yourself. You can always rely on us, but if you need to be able rely on yourself too, I’m glad it’s like this. A suit of armor that keeps you safe.”

Tony nods. Bucky steps over to them and gives Tony a long kiss. They do keep him safe, he knows that. But their job is dangerous. What he doesn’t say is that he needs to be able to do more if one of them disappears. He needs to be part of the fight. Just watching for so long while Clint was missing had been horrible. If it happens again, he needs to be ready.

They say like that until Tony starts to feel a little squished between the two larger men. Bucky goes back to the workstation. “What’s this?” He asks picking Tony’s most recent project up. It looks like a long bracelet made of several cylinders.

“Those are for Natasha. She wanted a way to really shock her enemies in close combat.” Tony says with a smile. Natasha had asked for something that would help her incapacitate people and Tony is very happy with the result. “I call them Widow’s Bite.”

“Widow’s Bite?” Bucky raises an eyebrow.

“If there ever was a better Black Widow than Natasha, I don’t know of them. She’s beautiful, secretive and deadly.”

Bucky laughs, putting the Widow’s Bite down again and turning to a large box. “Does that have a name too?”

“That…” Tony says, walking to the box and putting both hands on it. “Does not need a name.”

Both Bucky and Steve are looking at him expectantly. He had really meant to wait a little longer, do a few more tests, but he can’t resist doing it now. It is the perfect time.

“Do you remember saving that Wakandan prince?” Tony says.

“Prince T’challa?”

“Yes him. His country is home to a very rare and special metal. I put in a request for some of the metal, as a thank you for saving him.” Tony explains.

“A request? How did you put in a request to the prince of a foreign country?” Steve asks.

“Through S.H.I.E.L.D.”

“Does S.H.I.E.L.D. know about that request?”

“They didn’t really need to. Besides, they are going to benefit from this as well.”

“Tony…” Steve is rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Did you hack S.H.I.E.L.D. to make that request?”

“Um… A little bit?” Tony bites his lip. Bucky bursts out laughing and Steve shakes his head with an exhausted sigh. “Did you… You know what? I don’t want to know. What’s in the box?”

Tony smiles and starts opening the box really, really slowly, just to mess with Bucky and Steve.

“A present.” He says, carefully removing the lid. It’s not fragile, not at all, but it is very important to him even if Steve will end up not liking it. Suddenly he is afraid he might have spent a lot of time on something completely stupid. “It’s… Um… For work… For when…”

“Easy…” Steve gently puts a hand on his arm and smiles. “I’m sure you made something wonderful Tony. Take a deep breath and show us.”

“Right.” Tony clears his throat and opens the box completely. “So, I actually made it after you got back from saving the prince. Because you got hurt. Again.” He sends Steve a stern look and is met with an apologetic smile, but not interrupted.

“You seem committed to running headfirst into danger, so I needed to find a way to prevent that danger from hurting you.”

He takes it out of the box. He just had it painted, mostly for fun, since it has no actual effect on the use. But it looks flashy and it fits with Steve’s nickname, Captain America. A red circle around the edge, then a white and then red again. The center has a white star on a blue background.

The metal is thin and the curved, making room for an arm in the straps on the back. It’s round and big enough to cover most of Steve’s torso when held in front of him.

“Is that… A shield?” Steve asks surprised.

“That’s a target… You painted a target on it.” Bucky says.

“Good. Then people will shoot at the target and not at the face. I like the face. I want to keep the face.” Tony says firmly, looking at the storming grey eyes. Steve carefully takes the shield. “Did you make this for me Tony?”

“Yes, I… I thought maybe… I wanted to keep you safe…” Tony says, turning away from Bucky. He is a little surprised by the look of sheer awe in Steve’s eyes as he turns the shield over in his hands, examining it closely.

“It’s beautiful…” Steve whispers. Tony feels himself blush slightly.

“How resistant is it?” Bucky asks, walking over to get a closer look at the shield. “If it’s supposed to stop bullets it has to be pretty sturdy.”

“It is. It’s… The metal, vibranium, is almost impenetrable when treated correctly. It should be able to deflect most bullets. I’ve tested it a little, but I’ not really good at handling guns…” Tony explains.

“I’ll shoot it.” Bucky volunteers. “Get a feeling of how much punishment it can take before it needs a fresh coat of paint.”

Tony nods, looking at the two soldiers. Steve is still completely absorbed in the shield and Bucky seems pretty impressed when he tries to bend the edge with his left hand and finds that it won’t budge.

They take the shield to the shooting ranger, only to discover that Bucky can’t make a dent in it with any of his guns. He does make a few marks on the pain and Tony offers to change the design when he repaints it, but Steve refuses, so the star stays.

After that, Steve starts training with the shield. It’s impressive how fast it becomes part of his style. It seems like he was always meant to fight with a shield.

Tony designs a semi-magnetic harness for his uniform, so Steve can carry the shield on his back when he doesn’t need it and quickly get it when he does.

Convincing S.H.I.E.L.D. to let Steve take it on missions takes a while, but finally Director Fury agree on a trial period like Clint’s bow, after seeing Steve fight of Bucky, Clint and Natasha using the shield.

Tony starts designing his next suit and when the Mark VI is usable Bucky and Steve show him how to fight in it to use the extra strength to compensate for any lack of mobility. It gets easier every time they train.

Natasha interrogates the captured attackers and they prove to have far less resistance than HYDRA soldiers, so they break pretty fast and tell her everything they know. None of them have a name, of course, and they are all just hired muscle. Tony helps trace their payment through several shell companies before getting to a company associated with Hammer Industries. Tony is, surprisingly, not surprised. He would have expected something like that from Hammer.

Getting back at Hammer is not easy. They don’t have enough evidence to actually prove that he was indeed behind the attack (but he was), so they have to try something else. Tony gets his own private revenge by banning anything to do with Hammer from Stark Industries and anyone who wants to cooperate with them. No Stark tech can be sold in the same shop as Hammer tech, making Hammer’s stocks take a serious hit because SI tech is still more popular and efficient. It’s not enough, but it’s a good start.


	7. Training

Waking up in complete darkness took some getting used to, but by now it feels normal. Even if it didn’t, knowing that it helps Clint sleep is the only reason Phil needs to keep it like that.

The darkness means that he can’t really see Clint, but he can hear him breathing slowly and feel the warmth of his body, snuggled up close. Clint seems to be more combatable the closer he sleeps to Phil and Phil doesn’t mind at all.

For once, the reason they went to sleep late had nothing to do with nightmares and everything to do with the ropes still on the floor. The night had been quiet after that and Clint had slept through it. He was still sleeping, completely relaxed against Phil. It’s humbling, knowing how much Clint trusts him, knowing that he is ready to let himself go completely because he trust Phil to be there and take care of him. It’s humbling and wonderful.

Phil has had other subs. He had a bonded sub for a few years when he was young, but never anyone like Clint. Their bond is strong, even if it’s still pretty new. Any dom and sub can form a bond, but unless there are real feelings involved, the bond will be weak and eventually break. Phil is not worried about his bond with Clint, not after Clint finally let himself have it.

There are still times where Clint feels he does not deserve to be with Phil, where he feels he is bad and broken and should be alone but they are getting fewer and farther between by the day and Phil makes sure to be near Clint if he thinks he is having a bad day.

Yesterday had been good and Phil has every intention of making sure today will be too. Starting with letting Clint sleep as long as he needs. It’s weekend and they have nowhere to be until dinner.

Clint moves a moment later, lifting his head. “Phil? Wha’s’a time?” He asks confused.

Phil puts a hand around his neck and gently pulls him back down. “It doesn’t matter. It’s Saturday. No need to get up love.”

“Mmm… Y’r the best…” Clint mumbles as he pillows his head on Phil’s chest and goes straight back to sleep. Phil slowly rubs his neck and listens to his breathing. It feels far more relaxing that actually sleeping.

The rest of the day continues just as lazily and they mostly stay in bed. They can’t stay in all day though, because tonight is their first real date.

Phil has wanted to take Clint out for years and he has tried to find a date ever since they got together but with Clint needing time to get better and their work often continuing into the evening there hasn’t been time yet. Now it’s finally happening, it needs to be perfect.

They have reservations on a neutral restaurant. Phil would never dream of taking Clint to a designation specific restaurant and making him sit on the floor in public, knowing how private Clint is with his designation. Most restaurants will let the sub or their dom choose, but Phil doesn’t want to risk Clint feeling that he is bad because he wants to sit on a chair and not the floor or order his own food.

So they are going to a neutral restaurant where anything designation related is banned.

Phil is looking forwards to it for several reasons. The most prominent right now is that Clint promised to wear a suit and he looks _good_ in a suit. Opposed to Phil, Clint never wears a suit to work. The closest he gets to formal wear is his combat outfit and while that is also very attractive, there is something special about seeing the archer in a suit.

Phil is not disappointed when Clint comes out from the bathroom. The suit is tailor made, a gift from Tony, and fits Clint in exactly the right way. The shy smile and the way he keeps looking from Phil to the floor only makes Phil want to put his arms around him and hold him forever.

“So, is… Is this okay?” Clint asks.

Phil smiles, going over to him and kissing him lovingly. “You look amazing my love.”

Clint smiles, melting into Phil’s arms with a happy hum. Phil kisses his forehead and holds him close for a moment before they leave for the restaurant.

At the restaurant they are given a corner booth with a rose on the table. The way they sit means that they can see half the restaurant each and trust the other to keep an eye on what they can’t see. It is probably unnecessary, but work has made both of them a little paranoid.

Dinner is wonderful. It has never been hard for them to find things to talk about, but it seems even better when he can reach over and take Clint’s hand or run his foot up his leg. Clint is smiling from appetizer to dessert, his eyes shining and his hand quick to grab Phil’s whenever there is a chance.

When they leave, Phil moves to flag a cab, but Clint takes his hand and pulls him towards the park.

“Clint… You don’t have to…” Phil says gently.

“I want to. I need to. Please Phil.” Clint says, looking at him. Phil sighs and nods, taking Clint’s arm as they cross the street.

There are no traces of the assault. S.H.I.E.L.D. is efficient at cleanup and most of the city will never know of the fight between Clint and Tony and the hired goons. They are still working on a way to get Hammer for his involvement.

Clint grabs his arm a little tighter as they get closer to where it happened.

“We don’t have to do this…” Phil says gently.

“Yes… Yes, I do…” Clint says quietly. “I won’t let them take this from me. I won’t let them take anything from me.” His voice rises slightly towards the end. When they reach the place where Phil found him on that day, Phil stops and turns towards Clint.

“You are so strong.” He says, placing a hand on Clint’s cheek and catching his eyes. “You are so incredible and wonderful and I love you so much.”

Clint smiles shyly, putting his arms around Phil and kissing him before stepping a little closer and resting his head on the agent’s shoulder. “I love you too. No one else.”

“No one else.” Phil agrees, kissing Clint’s hair and holding him until Clint is ready to leave.

When they get home, Phil ties Clint up and shows him just how much he loves him.

Sunday is spent in bed as well, lazily making out and only leaving to get food. It’s the perfect weekend.

The week starts out fine. They are planning the next mission and so far they have most of it ready. They should be ready to move by then end of the week.

They don’t get to the end of the week before Phil seriously considers quitting his job and leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. forever.

He walks into Director Fury’s office with a stack of rapports and finds the director watching a surveillance feed on a large monitor. It’s not something that strikes Phil as odd, until he sees Clint on the screen.

“What is this?” Phil asks, putting the rapports on the table and focusing on the screen. It’s one of the break rooms. Clint is standing with his back to the wall, all but surrounded by three agents. Clint is completely stiff, his hands balled into fists and his eyes locked on the middle agent. The agent trying to command him. “What is this!? What’s going on?”

“We have resumed Agent Barton’s training.” Fury says calmly, not even looking away from the screen.

“You have… After what happened to him? Are you insane?” Phil shouts. Fury turns to him. “Do you have any idea what we could do with a sub agent who is able to resist commands? The benefits of this is –”

“Benefits? This is torture. They tortured him and you are continuing their job. You didn’t ask me. You didn’t ask _him_!” Phil yells at Director Fury. Something that will probably cost him his job but at this moment he is far too furious to care in the least.

“You are no longer involved in his training Agent Coulson.” Director Fury says calmly, an edge of steel in his voice. “Not since you became bonded to him. You care too much.”

Phil growls. He actually growls. For a brief moment, he is tempted to get his gun and shoot the director, but then he turns and runs to the break room.

The agents are still there, crowding Clint and blocking his exit.

“I told you to kneel.” The middle agent says, obviously repeating himself. Clint is partially hidden behind the agents, but Phil can see he doesn’t move. He doesn’t answer either and that raises a red flag for Phil. Clint would always answer during his training, unless he was about to break. He knows that Clint can resist commands when he wants to, but they have only ever tried with a single command or two. Phil would never try more for fear of hurting Clint.

When Phil strides over, one of the agents turns and moves to stop him. “Sir, you can’t be here. I have to ask you to leave.”

The agent looks worried. Phil is his superior and usually the one to be in charge of the training. Moreover, it is no secret that Phil is bonded to Clint.

“No.” Phil just says, pushing past all three agents to get to Clint. If they make an effort to stop him, he doesn’t notice. He is too focused on Clint.

The archer still isn’t moving. He is standing tall, not responding to their commands, but not reacting to Phil’s presence either and his eyes are empty and unfocused.

“Clint?” Phil says gently, stepping up to his love. Clint still doesn’t react at all.

The agents are obviously confused. None of them are trying to make him move, but they seem to be building to it. Phil turns to them.

“Leave.” Phil hisses. “Tell Fury that there will be no more training. Ever!”

The agents cast sidelong glances at each other, then turn and leave at exactly the same time. Phil turns back to Clint and the anger gives way for worry.

“Clint? Love, can you hear me?” He asks but gets nothing. It’s terrifying. Clint is too far-gone and Phil needs to bring him back, to keep him safe. And he can’t to that in the break room.

“Come on Clint. Come with me.” It’s as close to a command as he dares go and Clint moves, following him like in a trance. Phil is not sure if Clint obeys because he recognizes Phil’s voice or if he has reached his breaking point when it comes to resisting.

Phil guides Clint to his office and makes the archer sit down. Clint’s eyes are still empty, staring at nothing. Phil sits down in front of him, cupping Clint’s cheek in his hand.

“Clint… Can you hear me?” He asks gently. Clint just blinks slowly.

“Clint… I need you to come back to me my love… You did…” Phil has to swallow the lump in his throat. “You did so good. You resisted. You won. You did more than anyone could expect of you. You can come back now, it’s over…”

Phil pauses, drawing a deep breath and trying to get his voice under control.

“Come back my love. Please. I need you. It’s just me Clint, you can relax now. You can let go. I’m here. Come back to me.”

There is a small flicker of something. Phil is not entirely sure if it’s the mouth or they eyes, but something moves ever so slightly. It helps Phil fight the terror a little further away.

“You don’t have to fight anymore. You did all you had to. You did good, love, you were so strong. But it’s over now. It’s over and you can come back. Come back to me. I’m right here. Come back to me.”

Clint blinks again and his eyes slowly focus on Phil. For a moment, Phil is filled with relief, but then the emptiness in Clint’s eyes is replaced with hurt and betrayal and he pulls away from Phil.

“Why… Why did you let them…” Clint whispers, looking so vulnerable and scared and _hurt_. “You promised…”

Phil feels cold all over, his heart dropping in an instant. Phil is the one who usually trains Clint, who decides what is to be done and for how long. Clint knows this. Clint went through this, Phil realizes, thinking that Phil had arranged it after he had promised to make the training stop.

“No… No, my love, I swear! I swear, I didn’t know! I didn’t know they were going to resume your training before I saw it. I had no idea, Clint, I promise. I would never do that to you, never!” Phil says, desperately trying to convince Clint, to make him understand.

“You… You always…” Clint sways a little in the chair. He has to be exhausted, but he still looks vary and Phil is afraid to touch him.

“I would never have allowed this!” Phil swears vehemently. “Never!”

Clint hesitates a moment, but then he lurches forward into Phil’s arms, crying and clinging to him. Phil isn’t sure Clint completely believes him yet, but after what happened, Clint must be desperate to feel safe again, to get any kind of comfort and Phil just pulls him in close.

“I’m so sorry my love… I’m so sorry this happened to you… I should have realized they would try this, I should have known… I’m so sorry…” Phil is crying too, but it’s quieter than Clint, silent tears spilling from his eyes. Clint doesn’t answer, he just hides his face in Phil’s shirt, his breathing ragged and wet.

Phil tires to steady his voice. “You are safe… I won’t let them do it again, I promise. You never have to go through this again… I’m here, I’ll keep you safe…”

It feels hollow. He should have kept Clint safe. He should have known Fury would do something like this. Fury is an excellent leader, but sometimes he forgets that he is leading human beings and not just soldiers. The temptation of a command resistant sub seems to have made him forget everything he should know about Clint.

It takes a long time before Clint stops crying and even when he does his breathing is still uneven and he stays leaning on Phil. Phil puts a gentle hand on his neck. “It’s okay… You’re okay… When you are ready, I’ll take you home… Just take your time…”

“You… You really didn’t… Have anything to do with…” Clint takes a shaky breath. “Please tell me…”

“I didn’t.” Phil says honestly. “I didn’t know anything. I found you as soon as I discovered what was happening.”

Clint lets out a sigh and sag a little more into Phil, closing his eyes. Phil rubs his neck slowly, giving him the time he needs collect himself.

“I… I want to… Can we go home now? Please?” Clint whispers after a while. He seems a little lost, but it’s exhaustion, not subspace.

“Of course my love.” Phil says, slowly getting up and helping Clint to his feet. The archer is unsteady and holds on to Phil to keep himself stable. Phil gently wipes the remaining tears from his face before leaving the office.

It takes a little longer than normal to get home because Phil makes sure to avoid as many people as possible on the way. He wants to keep Clint safe from their eyes.

When they finally get home, Clint is barely conscious and Phil leads him directly to the bedroom. He takes off their shoes, shirts and his own tie before laying down next to Clint who is already out cold.

When there is a knock on the door, Phil only reluctantly leaves Clint, but he has an idea of who it is and he needs to deal with it.

He is proven right when he opens to door to see a worried Steve standing outside.

“Hi. I… Um… I didn’t want to interrupt, but we heard…” He say, but then stops, obviously not knowing what to really say. Phil just nods and holds the door open for him.

When they are in the kitchen, Steve speaks again. “Where is Clint?”

“Sleeping. Hopefully he won’t wake until tomorrow.” Phil says while he makes coffee. “Tell me what you heard.”

“Well… We all heard that you yelled at Director Fury, but no one really knows why… Sitwell claims it was because he refused to give Clint special treatment…” Steve’s eyes dart from Phil to the floor.

Phil huffs and brings the coffee over. “Figures. I yelled at Fury because he did give Clint special treatment. They were training him.”

“Already? I didn’t think you’d…” Steve pauses and his eyes widen as realization hits him. “You didn’t know…”

“No.” Phil grabs his cup with both hands to keep them from shaking. “I didn’t. I’m no longer responsible for his training. According to Fury, I care too much.”

“He’s your boyfriend. How can you not care?” Steve says and Phil is eternally grateful he did not say sub. Phil just shrugs. Strategically, he know exactly why Fury did this, why he avoided telling Phil and kept the agents trying to command Clint far longer than normally. But understanding and accepting are two very different things.

“What are you going to do?” Steve asks.

“I don’t know…” Phil sighs. “I mostly want to leave S.H.I.E.L.D., but Clint has worked too hard to get to where he is now and I’m not going to leave if he stays. I’m not leaving him alone.”

“He wouldn’t be alone.” Steve says gently. “None of you are. But I understand. If it were Tony… I’d need to stay close too.”

“I have to find a way to make sure it doesn’t happen again. I can’t let them…”

“Are they even allowed? You guys are bonded now. Commanding a bonded sub is illegal unless you get explicit permission.” Steve asks, but Phil shakes his head. “Not for Clint. It’s in his contract with S.H.I.E.L.D., he’s… Any agent above level five can command him, as long as it’s part of training and they are instructed by the one responsible for the training.”

They are quiet for a moment before Steve places a hand on his arm.

“Phil…” Steve looks at him with serious eyes. “You are not alone. No matter what happens, no matter what you need, we stand with you and Clint. We’ll help you any way we can, even if it means going against S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Phil is too grateful for words and just nods, looking at Steve’s hand instead of his eyes.

When Steve leaves sometime later, Phil goes back to the bedroom to check up on Clint, who is curled up around himself. He is still sleeping and the nightmare is mild compared to those that sometimes wake him up, but it still makes Phil ache to see him like that. Phil removes his shirt and climbs into bed with Clint, wrapping around him so the archer can barely move.

“Shh… Shh, I’m here… I’m sorry I left, I’m here now… Shh…” Phil whispers softly, placing a hand on Clint’s neck. Clint lets out a small sigh and relaxes slowly.


	8. Loyalty

Clint does indeed sleep well into the next day. Phil turns off their alarm and doesn’t bother to inform anyone that neither of them will make it to work that day. After what happened, he feels entitled to a day off.

He has been awake for some time when Clint jolts up in bed with a small, panicked sound. Phil sits up, quickly wrapping his arms around Clint. “Easy, easy love… You’re safe, it’s okay…”

“P…. Phil?” Clint sounds confused. “I… Wha… Where…?”

“We’re home my love.” Phil runs a hand through Clint’s hair. “We’re safe. Do you remember what happened yesterday?”

“I… There was… They came to… To command me… They…” Clint’s breathing picks up a little and Phil places a hand on his chest. “Easy. Take your time and breathe for me.”

Clint takes a few deep breaths, rearranging his thoughts. Despite just waking up, he seems tense and sits a little too straight even with Phil’s arms around him. “Three agents came to command me. I resisted and then… Then I… I don’t remember… Did you…?”

“I found you, but I had nothing to do with the training. Fury arranged it.” Phil assures him. “I told Fury that we should stop the training, but he must have decided to continue without me.”

Clint nods slowly and leans a little into Phil. “I… I thought you…”

“I didn’t.” Phil says firmly. “I would never do that to you. I promised to stop the training and if I have any say in this, it will be the last time anyone at work tries to command you.”

“I… I though I could resist it…” Clint says quietly, looking away. Phil turns his face back and holds his eyes. “You did. I have no doubt you did. But not even you can resist someone trying to command you non-stop for as long as they did.”

Clint turns a little so he can rest his head on Phil’s shoulder. “Why don’t I remember what happened?”

“You…” Phil places a hand on Clint’s neck. “You were far away. You didn’t recognize me when I found you and it took me a long time to bring you back. I think your mind shut down, trying to protect you from their commands.”

“I fought them…” Clint says quietly.

“You did. You were amazing. I have never known of anyone to do what you can do. They must have been trying to command you for a while for you to be so far away and you never gave in.” Phil rubs Clint’s neck with his thumb. Clint hums faintly. “More…”

“You going under love?” Phil asks, smiling fondly.

“Little bit…” Clint mumbles. His eyes are closed and he is resting completely on Phil now.

“Then I better take good care of you, huh?” Phil kisses his forehead. “Keep you safe and warm, when you are being so good. Look at you, so sweet and trusting, going under for me so fast. You are so wonderful Clint, everything I ever wanted. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. No one else has ever made me feel like this.”

“Phil…” Clint reaches up to grab his arm, holding on tightly. “Love… Love you… Best thing… Ever happen… T’me…” His voice is slurred and he is fighting to find the words, already far under, but it seems important to him that Phil understands.

“I know my love. You are the best thing that has happened to me too.” Phil says and Clint lets go of his arm, relaxing completely again. “My strong, beautiful heart. I know you love me. I’m yours and you are mine. You are my bond. No one else.”

Clint mutters something that might be an echo of Phil’s words, but he is too far-gone to make much sense, eyes closed and a content smile on his lips.

For a long time they just sit like this. Phil gently rubs Clint’s neck, occasionally praising him, telling him that he is loved and safe. Clint hums softly, aware enough to recognize the words but unable to form a verbal response.

Sitting like this has become a big part of Phil’s life and he enjoys it a lot. He still brings Clint under as often as possible, even if he is stable by now. Phil is working hard to convince Clint that he can get as much as he wants and even more important that he deserves to get what he wants.

Clint stirs a little later, returning slowly.

“How are you feeling?” Phil asks when he thinks Clint is lucid enough to answer.

“’m good…” Clint stretches a little without removing himself too far from Phil. “Really good…”

“Good.” Phil pulls Clint close to kiss him.

“What time is it?” Clint asks when they separate again. “I’ve lost all sense of time.”

“I’m not sure…” Phil turns to pick up his phone and finds several missed calls and text messages both from Director Fury and from the rest of Alpha Team. “It’s 11:45.”

“PM?”

“AM.”

“Wait… It’s tomorrow?” Clint quickly picks up his own phone. “We should be at work, we… Oh no, there’s… Director Fury tried to call… I… I need to…”

“Clint, stop.” The command makes Clint freeze, more in surprise than obedience, and look at Phil, his building panic momentarily forgotten. Phil gently takes his hands, covering the phone. “I’m the reason we’re not at work. I turned off our alarm and I’m going to deal with Fury. None of this falls on you, you did nothing wrong.”

“But I… I should…” Clint’s eyes flick between their hands and Phil’s eyes.

“No.” Phil says firmly. “You shouldn’t. What you should do is relax and take a deep breath. You are still coming back and I don’t want you to drop. So we are going to sit here a little longer, then we are going to go to the kitchen and get some food. You are going to trust me and I am going to deal with Fury. Do you understand?”

Clint finally fixes his eyes on Phil and nods.

“Do you trust me?” Phil asks.

“More than anything.” Clint says honestly.

“Good.” Phil gives him a soft kiss. “Come here…”

They lay down on the bed and Phil pulls the cover over them. “Relax but stay with me. I need you to come back, not go under again.”

“I’m here, just… Talk to me? Help me focus.” Clint says keeping his eyes open this time.

“Of course.” Phil runs a hand through Clint’s hair. “I’m going to tell you about yesterday, but I don’t want you to worry, okay? Everything is going to be fine. I’m going to deal with Fury. I yelled at him yesterday – “

Clint lifts his head to look at Phil with a surprise. “You yelled at him? Did you get fired?”

“I didn’t give him a chance to fire me. I left before he could say more.” Phil puts a calming hand on Clint’s cheek. “I don’t want to leave my job, but I’m not going to let them treat you like that.”

Clint nods slowly, laying his head down on Phil’s chest again. “Do you think they are mad?”

“I don’t care…” Phil says. “I’m mad. I will probably yell at him again when I call back, unless he apologizes as the very first thing.”

“Phil, I…” Clint’s hand is on Phil’s shoulder, gripping tightly for a moment. “Thank you… For… For everything…”

“Of course my love. Of course.” Phil says, gently cupping Clint’s cheek with his hand and turning his face to meet the archer’s eyes for a moment before kissing him with all his love. The kiss goes on for a long time. Both Phil and Clint are reluctant to let go of the other. When they finally do, Phil sits them up in the bed. “We better get some food now.”

In the kitchen, Phil makes something for both of them and they eat at the table. He stays close to Clint and rests a hand on his knee while they are eating. Clint seems fine, but that doesn’t mean that Phil will ever stop worrying about him.

“I’m going to call Fury.” Phil says when they are done eating. Clint looks nervous, but nods and smiles a little.

It only rings once before the director answers.

“Coulson.”

“Fury.”

Phil knows his voice is too cold to be considered neutral, but he can’t find it in himself to care. He waits for Fury to talk. If he doesn’t get an apology, he has nothing to say.

“You seem to inspire an impressive loyalty.” Fury says. “My office has been frequently visited by Alpha Team today. Apparently, they are all prepared to leave if I were to fire you, as I would normally do if an agent lost their temper and yelled at me at work. They were also very displeased with agent Barton’s training.”

Phil doesn’t answer. If Fury fires him, he’ll loose the team. Their loyalty matters a whole lot more than whatever Fury plans to do to him.

“I see.” Fury says after a moment’s silence. “I stand by what I said, a command resistant sub would be a great advantaged to us. I will, however, admit that my course of action towards getting that may have been ill advised and possibly harmful. So, in the interest of avoiding that for the future, you will get complete control of any further sub training, both of agent Barton and any other sub that might be useful in the field, effective immediately.”

“Agent Barton won’t receive any more training.” Phil says calmly.

“Well, that is up to you now. And I expect you both to be back to work tomorrow.” Fury finishes before hanging up. Phil smiles. It wasn’t an apology, not really, but it was much more than anyone else has ever been able to get out of Fury. And it was exactly what Phil wanted. With full control of the training he can prevent anyone from hurting Clint and make sure that the training will be a little less horrible in the unlikely even that another sub becomes a field agent.

He goes back to Clint and runs a hand over his hair with a smile. “It’s done. Fury gave me control over the training, so you never have to through that again.”

“Oh… But… Why? I… I agreed to it, in my contract… He didn’t have to…” Clint says. Phil sits down in front of him and holds his eyes. “Even if you agreed to training, you never agreed to anything like this. Besides, Fury couldn’t risk loosing his best team.”

Clint looks confused. “But… Agent Hill would take my place if I were to leave. The team would be fine.”

“Do you really think we are in this alone?” Phil smiles, but it does little to hide the ache he feels because it never occurred to Clint that his friends would be there for him. “Alpha Team was ready to leave if Fury didn’t listen. They told him as much today.”

“They… They did?” Clint blinks in surprise. Phil kisses him. “Of course. They are your friends. They care about you.”

Clint looks down, his eyes misty. Phil kisses his hair with a soft smile.

A little later Phil calls Steve to tell him how it turned out while Clint calls Natasha. It quickly evolves into everyone coming to their apartment with take out to celebrate. Steve of course brings Bucky and Tony and Natasha brings Bruce.

During dinner there are several toasts and they all drink a little too much considering they have work the next day, but no one cares. It also gets late before the others leave and they can go to bed, but by then Clint is too tired to be really anxious and falls asleep relatively fast.

Going to work the next day means that a lot of people stare at him because even if a big part of S.H.I.E.L.D. is covert operations, no one know how to keep a secret when it comes to gossip. Everybody knows that he yelled at Fury, even if the might not know why. As long as they don’t go for Clint because of it, Phil doesn’t care.

No one does. And no one comes after Phil either. No one dares. Alpha Team has proven to be a shield on itself, keeping its members safe. 

Everything goes back to normal after a few days, the gossip changing to something else, probably who got a new sub or something. Phil doesn’t listen to the gossip, he is much too busy with work. They have a new mission coming up and there are a lot of preparations to be made. Phil might not be active in the field any more, but he is still an important part of every mission.

The mission has Phil on edge. He does not think it will be a problem for the team, their intel is good and the plan is solid, but even if it all goes according to plan, the team will be away for several days and Phil does not want to be separated from Clint for even one day. He knew it would happen sooner or later, it’s their job and neither of them want to change it, but it still makes Phil a little uneasy. It’s the first time he will be away from Clint for that long since they got together.

The day before the mission Phil gives everyone half a day off to prepare themselves. He needs it as much as they do.

When they get home, Phil puts his arms around Clint and pulls him as close as possible. Clint kisses his cheek and looks at him. “What do you want?”

“I just want you.” Phil says.

“You’ve got me. No one else, remember?” Clint says, resting his forehead against Phil’s with a soft smile.

“No one else.” Phil answers and lets out a sigh. How is he going to get through a day without this, let alone several days?

Another reason they have most of the day off is to prepare their subs. A sub can usually go for a few weeks without going under if they are stable and since the team is only expected to be gone for about a week, it shouldn’t be a problem. Still, it’s better to be safe.

“Okay…” Phil says when he has ha a moment to collect himself. “Get undressed and kneel by the bed.” He lets enough command into his voice that Clint will feel it. They both know that Clint could resist it if he wanted to, but he never does. He just smiles and moves quickly to obey.

Phil watches him leave for a moment, then takes of his jacket and tie. He takes his time, knowing that Clint is already waiting on his knees. He finds a box in the closet and goes to the bedroom, where Clint is waiting. He looks up when Phil approaches, his eyes already a little glassy.

“So pretty for me…” Phil smiles, sitting down on the bed, placing the box next to him. Clint beams at him. “Give me your hands.” The command is stronger this time and Clint obeys without hesitation. He told Phil that it’s easier for him to follow commands when he is under, when he lets go of his resistance.

“Good. You are being so good for me.” Phil says as he opens the box and pulls out the soft rope. Clint makes a faint wanting sound at the sight and Phil smiles. “I know my love. Just relax, I’ll take care of you.”

He takes his time, tying Clint’s arms together and securing them to his chest afterwards. At first, Clint follows the work with his eyes, but soon he looses focus, his eyes glassy and his mouth slightly open.

“You look beautiful Clint… How do you feel?” Phil asks. He is done with the ropes, just admiring the dark shapes against Clint’s light skin.

“Good… So good…” Clint is smiling and his voice is slow and slurred.

“Do you feel safe my love?” Phil asks, turning Clint’s head so the archer has to focus on him.

“Always safe… W’h you…” Clint’s eyes are so full of trust that Phil has to smile and kiss him. Then he gets up and removes his clothes, folding it and placing it on the chair in the corner.

“Good. Get to your feet.” Phil commands. Clint stumbles a little when he moves to get up, but Phil supports him so he doesn’t fall. He guides Clint to the bed and makes him lay down on his back before wrapping his legs in rope as well, making it impossible for Clint to move.

“There we go… Do you still feel good?” Phil asks, sitting down next to Clint.

It takes a moment before Clint can answer. He is deeply under and speaking takes a lot of concentration when he is like this. “Yes… Good… Feel good…”

“You don’t need to talk, okay?” Phil lies down next to Clint and pulls him into his embrace. “You don’t need to think. Just enjoy yourself. I’m right here if you need me. I’m just going to hold you and appreciate how wonderful and good you are for me.”

Clint makes a pleased sound, too deep for words by now. It’s rare that Phil brings him so deep, preferring that Clint is able to speak up if he needs to. Mostly Clint just drifts pleasantly next to him, but once in a while Phil lets him get lost. It’s not something he ever experienced before Clint. Getting so deep, so lost in subspace takes a lot of trust because the sub will often need help getting back up. That Clint trusts him so much is the most wonderful and terrifying thing in Phil’s life.

They lie together for as long as Phil can allow it, but he knows that the ropes around Clint needs to be unbound soon as not to hurt him, so he starts moving slowly. Clint makes a small sound registering that something is changing.

“I need to untie you now love. You don’t need to come up if you don’t want to.” Phil says softly, running his hands over Clint’s arms and back. He makes sure always to be touching Clint’s skin so he never feels alone.

Unbinding Clint is a slow process because Phil takes his time with this as well. He starts with the legs, removing the ropes and rubbing them to boost the circulation. Clint moves sluggishly, making a faint sound.

“I know love. I’m here. I’ll take are of you, like always…” Phil promises as he moves to untie his arms with the same slow care that he used on the legs. When he starts rubbing Clint’s arms, the archer lets out a sound that evolves into a moan, making Phil smile.

He is done with the ropes and is lying next to Clint again when the archer whispers his name. It’s not much, it never is when Clint is this far-gone, but Phil knows what it means.

“I’m here. Focus on me. Take your time, okay? Just listen to me.” Phil says gently, still holding Clint. He grabs Clint’s arm a little tighter, creating a physical focus point as well as a vocal one. “I’ve been thinking that maybe we should go on vacation, just the two of us, somewhere far away. I’ve never done that much, so I have some vacation time saved up and you must have too. We could go somewhere warm, somewhere isolated, rent a cabin and just hide from the world. Walk along the beach, eat food we can’t pronounce.”

It’s not really something they should discuss with Clint being so out of it as he is, but they’ll return to it when he is back. For now, it’s just words to guide Clint back from wherever he went.

“Hawaii…” Clint mumbles, proving that he is slowly becoming more aware.

“Yeah? You want to go to Hawaii love?” Phil asks with a smile. “I’d like that too. Walking on the beach in the sunset, eating exotic fruits, maybe try out hand at surfing… I’d bet you’d be good at that…”

“Swimming trunks…” Clint says, running a hand over Phil’s chest. “Skinny dipping…”

“Mmm… You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Walking around in the sun, showing off your muscular chest and your very pretty arms, hm? Looking all tan and handsome for me.” Phil runs his fingers over Clint’s arms. Being an archer has made them very well defined and Phil does definitely not mind. Clint opens his eyes to look at Phil. They are still a little hazy. “Like to be yours…”

“You are mine.” Phil says before kissing him affectionately. “Always mine.”

“Wanna… Feel you… Need you… Please…” Clint whispers, rocking his hips a little so Phil can feels his physical want.

“Anything you want, me heart, anything.” Phil pulls them closer, kissing Clint firmly and letting his hands roam his unbound body. Clint lets out a relived sigh when Phil’s hands move lower, reaching between them.

It only takes a few strokes before they are both hard and Clint grabs on to Phil a little tighter. “More… Please…”

“Turn around…” Phil gives him a lingering kiss before reaching behind them to the nightstand to get what they need. When he turns back, Clint has his back to him and Phil kisses his neck. Clint hums and turns his head a little, exposing as much of his throat as possible for Phil.

Phil slicks up his fingers and busies his mouth on Clint’s neck while they work. Clint moans and Phil absolutely loves the sound of him like this. He works slowly, adding first one finger and then another. Clint is far enough under not to be impatient.

After a while, they do move on. Phil slides slowly into Clint, making the archer grab his arms tightly.

“You okay love?” Phil asks, not moving for a moment.

“Yeah… Yeah, ‘m good…” Clint says, squeezing Phil’s arms a little.

They move slowly after that, neither in a hurry to get anywhere but exactly where they are, as close as humanly possible. Both Phil’s arms are wrapped around Clint, holding his back close to the agent’s chest.

The word outside no longer exists. Tomorrow doesn’t exist. Time has no meaning. There is nothing but the two of them, wrapped around each other, moving slowly and lovingly together.

Towards the end, they move a little faster and Clint’s hold on his arms gets tighter again.

“You going to come for me Clint?” Phil whispers, a little breathless. “”I want to see that… I want you to… To come apart for me… Will you do that? Will you be good for me?”

Clint gasps out his name and arches in his arms, tense for a moment before he goes boneless. Phil comes a moment later, never letting go of Clint.

For a long time, they just lie together, catching their breaths. They Phil kiss Clint’s neck again. “How was that, my love?”

“Wonderful…” Clint turns a little so he can see Phil’s face. “Absolutely wonderful… I can’t believe I have to be without this for almost a week…”

“I’ll make it up to you when you get back.” Phil says.

“Promise?” Clint smiles.

“I promise. As soon as you get back, I’ll make sure to take good care of you.” Phil kisses Clint’s cheek and neck.

“And take me to Hawaii?” Clint asks hopefully, making Phil laugh. “We’ll talk about going to Hawaii, yes. I think we deserve a vacation.”

Clint hums happily and doesn’t complain when Phil makes him go to the bathroom so they can both shower before going to bed. Clint falls asleep quickly, hidden in Phil’s arms and maybe still just a little under. This is what is really worrying Phil. It is easier for Clint to sleep by now, but he still has bad nights and on the mission, Phil won’t be there to help him. They have agreed to let Natasha help if it becomes necessary. She is willing and knows what helps Clint, but it is much more likely that Clint will try to hide that anything is wrong like he used to. Being so far away means he has to trust that Natasha will notice if anything is wrong. It’s not that Phil doesn’t trust her, really. He would just rather be there himself.

The next morning, the team leaves for the mission. Both Tony and Bruce are there to see them off. They might not officially be S.H.I.E.L.D. but no one would dream of telling them to leave. Especially not since Tony started making a lot of their equipment and Bruce has helped sort out the science of several problems by now. Phil briefly wonders if he should find a way to hire them, maybe as independent contractors or consultants. No that they need it. Tony has more money than most countries and Bruce is mostly a kept sub, living on Natasha’s salary. Still, giving them an official connection to S.H.I.E.L.D. might be a good idea. It’s obvious that neither of them are leaving.

Goodbyes are kept short and then Alpha Team is off. They are instructed to check in every 24 hours unless something unexpected happens.

They do check in. Everything is fine and Phil spends the first three days doing paperwork because there is nothing else he can contribute with so far. On the fourth day he finds himself envious of Tony’s communications device, because he knows that while Alpha Team has no private phones on the mission, Steve and Bucky are always in contact with Tony.

It takes five days and seven hours before Alpha Team calls in to say they are in position. They have found the HYRDA base and are ready to take it down. Phil follows from the situation room, listening in on their communication. They have no visuals, so he has to get by on what the team says. He listens to Steve lead them through hallways Phil can’t see and shoot at people Phil will never know anything about. Clint and Bucky joke and Steve scolds them, but everybody knows that they are professional no matter what.

Everything goes according to plan until the bomb goes off.

It’s loud enough to make the speakers screech before they go quiet.

“Captain Rogers?” Phil turns to his technicians, but everyone looks confused. “Rogers! Barnes? Barton? Romanov? Answer me!” 

There is no answer.

Phil turns to the agents in the room. “Get me eyes on that base. Find out what happened.”

He can hear them tapping furiously at the many computers in the room, but there is a reason he didn’t have a visual before. The base is in a heavily wooded area so they can fly anything over to get pictures and the entire area was well protected.

Still, they try everything they can to get a visual, to get audio back, anything. And they get nothing.

Phil keeps yelling orders, trying everything he can think of and making the other agents think of even more solutions. If he stops even for a moment, he will realize that the team might not be able to answer and he can’t do that.

It might be ten minutes, it might be ten hours. Nothing happens.

Then a sound no one recognizes cuts through the speakers followed by a familiar voice. “–ear me? Tony, are you sure this – ? Yes, I’m – Fine. Coulson? Can you hear me? Anyone at S.H.I.E.L.D?”

“Steve…” Phil nearly falls over in his attempt to get closer to the speakers. “Captain. We’re here. What happened? Are you – ?” He stops, forcing himself to be professional again. “Status rapport Captain Rogers.”

“We’re fine. Everybody is fine. It was… There was an EMP. It took out all of our equipment, but no one got hurt. It seems to have been some sort of failsafe in case the base was compromised. All their computers were fried, so we didn’t get much from them, but the base has been destroyed. We are en route to base now, ETA within the hour. Luckily the quinet was to have been too far away to be affected, but the radio seems to be malfunctioning. We had to patch a signal through Tony’s communicator.”

“Good.” Phil takes a deep breath. “Good. We’ll debrief as soon as you get back.”

“Understood sir.”

The sound cuts out and Phil straightens up a little. “Let me know if anything changes.”

Then he turns and leaves the room before getting any response. He gets to his office and pushes the door close behind him before collapsing on the floor.


	9. Work Can Wait

Being bonded affects both dom and sub and the longer there have been a bond, the stronger it is. They have been away less than a week and Clint is starting to feel the separation from his dom. It’s not bad yet, he just feels a little uneasy and restless. He can get by just fine, but he is looking forwards to getting back. Looking around the quinjet, he sees Bucky fidgeting with his weapons while Steve is playing with the brunette’s long hair. They seem restless too, eager to get back to Tony. Doms feel the separation as well, even if it does not hurt them as much as it does a sub.

“You okay?” Natasha asks from her seat next to him. Clint notices that he has been picking the arrow in his hands apart for no reason and quickly puts it away.

“Yeah, just… Looking forwards to get back to Phil… It’s the first time we’ve been apart this long since…” _the kidnapping, the torture, the man commanding him…_ “Since we got together… It’s hard.”

“The first time always is.” She takes his hand with a smile. “We’ll be there soon.”

Clint smiles. The quinjet is on autopilot, so they don’t have to worry about flying for a while. Clint will need to take control again when they come in for landing, but for now, they have a little to do but wait.

The mission was a success. The EMP was a surprise, but not big enough that they couldn’t finish it afterwards. The days leading up to the attack had actually been worse for Clint. He never sleeps well without Phil, but he made it through the mission without waking anyone but Natasha with his nightmares and Natasha doesn’t count, she had promised to keep an eye on him before they left. He didn’t ask her to command him back to sleep, but knowing she was awake with him helped.

Still, he is exhausted and just wants to get home to Phil.

Clint lands the jet and the team arrives in the situation room a few minutes later. The S.H.I.E.L.D. team greets them happily, they must have worried when they lost contact, but Phil is nowhere to be seen.

“Where is agent Coulson?” Clint asks Agent Hill, who is the closest.

“He left shortly after you got in contact with us. I was just about to send someone after him.” She answers.

“I’ll go.” Clint says and leaves. He knows the way to Phil’s office well and can’t wait much longer to see him again. Maybe they’ll even have time for a short kiss in the privacy of the office.

All thoughts of a happy reunion disappear when Clint knocks on the door to Phil’s office and the door gives a little, which just doesn’t happen. Phil’s door is never open like this. Either Phil’s not in his office and the door is locked because of the many secret files in there or he is in the office and the door is closed to keep interruptions at bay.

“Phil?” Clint asks worried when he pushes the door open and looks into the dark office.

He spots Phil almost at once, on his knees on the floor with his back slumped and his arms hanging limp by his sides.

Clint hurries over and sits down in front of him. “Hey Phil. Hi love. Are you okay?”

Phil lifts his head slowly. His eyes seem dim in the dark office. “Clint? You… You’re here…”

“Yeah… Yeah, we just got back.” Clint says, doing his best to keep his voice even despite his rising panic. Phil looks so confused and Clint takes his hands. “Why are you on the floor sweetheart?”

“Can’t get up…” Phil mumbles after a moment, his eyes on their joined hands. “Okay… Okay, then we’ll just sit here a moment…” Clint says slowly, rubbing his thumbs over Phil’s hands.

“No… No I should… There’s work… And you…” Phil sways a little.

“Work can wait.” Clint says quickly and gives Phil’s hands a squeeze. “And I’m right here.”

“Need… Need to… Take care of you…” It seems like a fight to get the words out.

“That’s… That can wait too… Lets just figure this out first, okay?” Clint says gently. Phil finally looks up at him and he looks heartbroken. “But I…. I promised…”

“Oh Phil….” Clint lifts his hands and kisses them for a long moment. “You will. You always take good care of me. Soon as you are better, you can bind my hands and feed me while I sit at your feet. Anything I want right?”

The joke falls flat, especially with how much Clint’s voice is shaking, but some of the pain leaves Phil’s eyes. He still doesn’t move and Clint finally realizes what’s happening.

“You’re… Oh fuck, okay… Okay, we’ll figure this out… We’ll deal with this…” Clint looks at Phil’s face carefully. He is pale and his hands are cold and clammy.

Domdrops are uncommon, but not unheard of, especially after periods of separation or stress and Phil… God, Phil must have thought them dead when they lost contact after a fucking bomb went off.

“I need to get you home.” Clint says softly and moves to stand. Phil lets out a desperate sound and clutches Clint’s hands in his own. Clint stops, moving closer to him. “I’m not leaving, I promise. But I need to get you home where we can be…” _safe, undisturbed, alone._ Phil would never forgive himself if anyone S.H.I.E.L.D. saw him like this, so Clint needs to make sure they don’t. But he can’t do it alone.

“I just need my phone…” Clint says, putting an arm around Phil and taking the phone with his free hand. Phil pushes into him, wrapping both arms around him and burying his face in Clint’s neck with a small, broken sound. Clint kisses his hair several times before tearing his attention away for a moment to turn to his phone.

 **Clint** : Phil’s office. Now. Alone.  
**Steve** : On my way.

Clint puts the phone down and returns his focus to Phil, holding him as close as possible. Phil is completely quiet now, just clinging to Clint and hiding his face. Clint does his best not to let his worry show in his body.

“I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here.” Clint promises again and again, stroking Phil’s back soothingly. Phil still doesn’t move.

They stay like that until there is a knock on the door.

“Clint?”

“Come in. Close the door.”

Steve enters slowly, stopping when he sees them on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“We need to get home.” Clint says, struggling to keep his voice even. “I need… I need to get him home…”

“Okay…” Steve nods and gets his phone out. “I’ll have Tony send a car over. It’ll be here in a moment.”

“They can’t see… They can’t know…” Clint is not completely sure who ‘they’ are right now, but Steve understands.

“We’ll take a back way. I can scout ahead, make sure no one is there before we move.” Steve says, carefully moving closer. “Let’s get you up…”

“I… I can’t really…” Clint looks at Phil, who is still gripping Clint with all his strength.

“That’s okay. Phil…” Steve puts a hand on the agent’s shoulder, waiting until Phil peeks up just enough to see him. “Hi Phil. I need you to stand up, okay? Clint isn’t going anywhere, we just need to get your feet under you, so we can get you up. Come on, let me help…”

With Steve’s help they slowly get Phil to his feet. He is mostly standing on his own, but leaning heavily on Clint, unwilling to let go of him for even a second.

“I’ll make sure the coast is clear.” Steve disappears out the door. After a moment he returns and leads them towards the parking garage, where the car is already waiting. Phil is pliant and quiet, going where Clint guides him and only reacting when it seems like Clint might move away.

They get to the basement without meeting anyone. Steve stops them a few times, making sure whoever is in the hall in front of them has left before they move on. When they reach the car, Steve stops. “I have to go back. What should I tell them? They’ll expect both of you at the debriefing.”

“Tell them…” Clint pauses, looking at Phil, but Phil is in no state to answer any questions right now. “Tell them I’m starting to get scattered and Phil needs to take care of me.”

Steve looks at him for a long time. Clint has worked hard to make sure his designation never effected his work, always keeping as quiet about it as he could. He never used it as an excuse even when he was feeling terrible after training.

“Are you sure?” Steve finally asks. Clint looks at Phil again. The agent is clinging to Clint, hiding his face. It’s not a question, really. Phil’s reputation is so more important than his.

“Yes. Don’t… Don’t tell them… He gets to decide if he wants anyone to know when he is better…”

Steve nods again, but before he can turn to leave, Clint speaks up. “I… Um… I don’t… I’m not actually sure what to do when… How to help him…”

Steve pauses for a moment. “Just be there. Talk to him. It’s a little like when you drop, but never in a pleasant way. Stay as close as possible until he gets better. There is not much else you can do.”

Now it’s Clint’s turn to nod. Staying close seems like the only viable option. There is a no way he would leave Phil alone like this. “Thank you…”

Steve looks at him for a moment. “Let me know if there is anything else you need… Anything!”

Then he leaves and Clint gets Phil into the car before going in himself. There is a partition up between them and the driver, so they never see each other and never talk. As soon as the door closes, the car starts moving.

They are in the backseat. Phil is plastered to his side, both of his legs over Clint’s. His eyes are closed and his head is resting on Clint’s shoulder.

“Phil… Love, how do you feel?” Clint asks carefully. Phil hardly moves. “Don’t leave…” His voice is small and broken, begging and scared. Each word brittle and slow. “Don’t die…”

“I’m not…” Clint’s voice breaks and he has to swallow against the lump in his throat. “I’m not going anywhere!” He pulls Phil closer, holding him as tight as possible. It breaks his heart to see Phil like this, to see him so scared and lost.

When they get to the tower, the car stops as close to the elevator as possible, but the driver doesn’t get out. Clint opens the door, but Phil grips him tighter, whining a little.

“We’re going home love. I’m still right here, we just need to get out of the car and into the elevator. Together.” Clint says, undoing their seatbelts and gently pulling Phil from the car, making sure to put his arms around the agent as soon as possible. Phil leans into Clint, but stops trying to pull him closer.

Clint slowly guides Phil to the elevator and inside. They don’t need to push any buttons or worry that someone else will interrupt them. JARVIS makes sure they get to their floor as fast as possible but it still seems like a long time.

In the elevator, Clint leans Phil against the wall, crowding the agent’s body with his own. When Clint drops, he likes to feel completely surrounded by Phil and hopes it will help Phil as well. Phil drops his head to Clint’s shoulder, but when Clint moves his hand, Phil stiffens and makes a small sound.

“No no, I’m not… Here, this is better, just let me…” Clint promises, pulling Phil’s shirt up so he can get his hands underneath to rest on the bare skin. “There… How does that feel?”

Phil lets out a small sigh, melting into Clint with closed eyes. Physical contact seems to be as efficient as when Clint drops.

Getting Phil to leave the elevator and go into their apartment is easy as long as Clint keeps touching him as much as possible. Clint leads them to the kitchen first, grabbing a few things that he likes when goes under and then they go to the bedroom, where he sits Phil down on the edge of the bed. It takes a little convincing before he can make Phil let go enough to undo his tie and remove it, along with the jacket and shirt. Moving on to the shoes, Clint makes sure to always have on hand on Phil’s skin. Phil doesn’t move through it, just sits slouched on the bed while his dull eyes follow Clint.

Getting Phil stripped down to his boxers is easy compared to Clint’s uniform. There are too many laces and buckles for him to get out using just one hand.

“Hey Phil, do you want to help me with this?” Clint asks, getting an idea. “You… You’re so good at taking care of me and I need… I need your help, getting out of this…

Phil looks surprised, but a little life returns to his eyes as he lifts his hands to the clasp at Clint’s neck. It’s slow and clumsy, but often just having Phil hold onto the fabric while Clint pulls is enough and they slowly remove the armor.

“There we go… Thank you… You always take so good care of me…” Clint is sitting on the floor in front of Phil, smiling up at him. Phil eyes are a little more aware by now and he slowly lifts a hand to cup Clint’s jaw.

“Clint?” It’s still a little slow and insecure, but no longer scared or broken.

“I’m here Phil. Always right here.” Clint says, kissing the hand holding his face.

“Are… Are we home? I… I don’t… Remember…” Phil looks confused again and Clint moves up to kiss him sweetly. “Yes, we are home. I got us home.”

“But… Work? I… I need to…” Phil sways a little.

“No, you don’t.” Clint says firmly, pushing Phil back so he has to lie down on the bed. “Work can wait. All you need to do is stay here with me and get better.”

“Better?” Phil tires to sit up again, but it’s a weak attempt and he stops when Clint puts a firm hand on his chest. “You are dropping my love. You need to let me take care of you.”

“But I… I’m supposed to…” Phil breaks off, shivering and curling in on himself.

“Shhh….” Clint gently moves Phil’s legs into the bed, pulling the covers up around them as he lies down, putting his arms around Phil and wrapping his legs around the agent’s. “Shh… You will… You will, as soon as you are better… For now, just… Just lie here with me…”

Phil unfolds himself so he can curl around Clint instead, holding on to him with all his strength.

“I’m alive…” Clint whispers gently, running a hand over Phil’s shoulder. “I came back, I’m alive. I’m here with you.”

Phil takes a deep breath. He is shivering a little. “I… I thought…”

“I know…” Clint kisses his forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment. “I know… I’m sorry you had to experience that… But it didn’t happen. I’m here now, I’m fine.”

“You’re fine…” Phil mumbles quietly.

“That’s right. I’m here with you where I belong.” Clint says softly. “And I’m gonna take care of you for once, okay? Make sure you are okay. Here…” He turns a little and Phil tenses up at once, but Clint is back just as fast, holding a bottle of water. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m here, but you need to drink something. Come on, just a little, for me, okay?”

Clint gently coaxes Phil to sit up a little and makes him drink half the water before putting the bottle away again.

“There… Now we just… Lie here a little, yeah? Do you need anything?” Clint asks when they are both lying back down.

“You…” Phil whispers hoarsely. “I… I need you… Stay…”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Clint promises again, running a hand over Phil’s arm and kissing him gently. They lie like that for a long time, until Phil’s grip slowly begins to loosen, his embrace of Clint becoming less desperate.

“Clint…” Phil says quietly after a while.

“I’m here. What do you need?” Clint says, quickly turning his head to look at Phil.

“I… I don’t know… I feel strange…” Phil hides his face in Clint’s chest.

“Okay… Um… Why don’t we eat something? That might help a little…” Clint turns to reach for the nightstand, but Phil sucks in a sharp breath and grips Clint’s arm hard enough to bruise. It seems like a reflex, because he let's go a moment later, looking embarrassed. "I'm... Sorry, I... I don't..."

"Don't apologize." Clint says softly, turning fully back to Phil. "I understand. I'm not leaving. I'm right here. I'm just going to get something from the nightstand, okay? You know what, let's sit up a bit."

Clint pulls a little at Phil and moves himself so he is sitting against the headboard and Phil is sitting again him. Then he reaches to the nightstand without letting go of Phil and moves the bowl of fruit and chocolate over to the bed. It's usually for Clint, a special treat when he is being good, but Clint hopes it will work for Phil as well.

"Here..." He holds put a piece for Phil, who pauses and looks away. "That's... That's yours... That's for you... This is... This is wrong... I'm supposed to..."

"Stop that." Clint can't command Phil, but if he could, that is what he would have done. It seems to be enough, because Phil looks at him with surprise and shuts up. "You can't be the strong one all the time. You take care of me so much, let me take care of you now. Let me carry the burden."

Phil is quiet for a moment before he nods and accepts the fruit. Clint smiles and takes some chocolate for himself before handing a piece to Phil. It seems to help that Clint is eating too and Phil doesn't complain again. After the fruit and chocolate, Clint makes Phil drink water again, before he let's the agent lie back down against him.

Clint runs his nails over Phil's scalp, making the other man sigh slightly. "How are you feeling now?"

"Better..." Phil says, eyes closed and body relaxed against Clint.

"Chocolate always helps." Clint whispers, like it's some great secret. Phil smiles against his skin and they are quiet for a while. Phil seems more at ease now, more lucid and aware of what is happening. Clint is pretty sure they are over the worst of it.

"I feel pathetic..." Phil says quietly after a while.

"That's..." _ridiculous_. Clint bites down on the word, keeping it in. He know it wouldn’t help, and it might even make things worse, make Phil feel like _he_ is ridiculous for being weak for once.

"Why?" he asks instead.

"Because I... I'm scared..." Phil says hesitantly. "Of you leaving... It terrifies me to think that you can just get up and walk away... Even if you were just in the next room, I..." He stops, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. "I can't bear the thought of you not touching me..."

Clint is quiet for a moment, just running his hand over Phil's arm. "I know... It's... It's horrible, but it will pass... And I'm not leaving until it does. I'll stay right here for as long as you want me to."

"Is this… Do you feel like this when..." Phil stops, unable to really formulate the questions.

"When it gets really bad, yeah..." Clint says. Then he turns Phil's head and locks eyes with his dom. "But I haven't felt like that since we got together. You take care of me."

Phil looks relieved and leans in carefully for a kiss, like he is not really sure it's allowed. Clint just pulls him closer and kisses him until they are both breathless.

Some time after that, Phil falls asleep. Clint knows he won't be able to sleep, so he finds his phone and sees a message.

 **Steve** : Do you need anything?  
**Clint** : We're okay. Phil is better. We just need time.  
**Steve** : Let me know if you need us.  
**Clint** : Thank you  
**Steve** : Don't even

The messages make Clint smiles. Even if he doesn't think there is anything they can do, it helps knowing that his friends are close by and ready to help if he needs them.

Phil sleeps for a few hours before he slowly wakes up. Clint runs a hand over his hair. "Hey you... How do you feel?"

"Okay... I'm... I still don't want you to leave, but I think I would be okay if you did..." Phil sits up a little. Clint smiles at him. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you at least. But I'm getting kinda hungry. Do you think you'd be okay to get some food?"

"I don't feel like cooking..." Phil looks down and Clint kisses his forehead. "We'll order something. Less work, more snuggle time."

Phil smiles a little at that and Clint gives him another kiss for good measure before raising his voice. "Hey, JARVIS?"

"Yes Agent Barton?" While the AI is available in their entire apartment, it's not active until they address it.

"Could you order us some pizzas? And let me know when they are close?" Clint asks. Having the AI is very handy sometimes.

"Of course sir."

"Thanks." Clint smiles, turning his attention back to Phil, running a soft finger over his cheek. "Now we just wait."

Phil only smiles for a moment, then he looks away again. "I wanted to make you dinner... I wanted to... I'm supposed to..."

Clint shuts him up with a kiss. "You will. Tomorrow. We deserve time off after this, so you can spend all day tomorrow taking care of me."

Phil is quiet for so long that Clint is about to say something more, when he speaks. "Hawaii..."

"Yeah?" Clint smiles. "I could do that. Take a proper vacation, just the two of us on a tropical island... Do you want to start planning that tomorrow as well?”

Phil nods and rests his head on Clint’s shoulder. "You're not... Disappointed?"

"Of course not." Clint assures him. "I don't mind taking care of you a little. I know you'll always be there for me."

The words seem to help. Phil sighs a little and closes his eyes. The room is quiet until JARVIS speaks up. “Pardon me sirs, the pizza is on the way.”

“Oh… Okay, thanks…” Clint sits up, but stops when he feels Phil’s entire body tense up. It’s only for a moment and then Phil pushes a little away from him, keeping his eyes down. “Sorry… I… Just go, I’ll be fine…”

“No you won’t.” Clint says softly, placing a hand on Phil’s cheek. “And you don’t have to. We’ll go together, okay?”

He moves slowly, never going too far from Phil and always making sure to touch his skin, even when they decide that putting on pants might be a good idea. Clint holds Phil’s hand as they walk into the living room to the door. They arrive at the door by the time there is a knock and Clint opens to receive the pizza. When he closes the door and turns, Phil suddenly grabs on to him, pulling the archer into a desperate embrace, hiding his face in Clint’s neck with a small sob. "I'm sorry... I... I can't... I need..."

Clint hurriedly puts the pizza down so he can put his arms around Phil. "Shhh... Don't apologize... It's okay, I'm here... Anything you need my love... I'm here..."

They stay like that until Phil’s breathing becomes more even and he lets go a little. “Sorry… The… The pizza is getting cold…”

“Pizza can wait.” Clint says, pulling Phil closer and kissing his hair. Phil doesn’t let go of Clint for a long time after that.

The pizza is cold when they finally go back to the bed to eat, but neither of them care.


	10. Hawaii

After dinner, Phil falls asleep and stays that way until morning. Clint knows this, because he barely sleeps. It’s not even his own anxiety or fear of nightmares that’s keeping him up, it’s the fear that Phil might wake up and need him, but Clint won’t notice. So he stays awake, becoming more and more grateful for all the nights he knows Phil stayed awake watching him.

The alarm goes off in the morning as always, but Clint quickly turns it off and runs a soothing hand over Phil’s arm, lulling the stirring agent back to sleep. Moving as little as possible, Clint grabs his phone and sends a message to Steve, explaining that they are okay, but won’t make it to work today. Steve answers that they can take as much time as they need and that they won’t get any trouble.

Clint spends the next couple hours appreciating his friends.

When Phil moves, Clint is instantly focused on him. Phil turns his face towards Clint, slowly opening his eyes. “Hey…”

“Hi love…” Clint smiles. “How are you feeling?”

Phil shrugs. “I feel like you ask me that every five minutes.”

“You weren’t doing so hot yesterday. I’m worried about you.” Clint says.

“I know…” Phil manages a small smile. “I’m okay. I still feel a little odd, but much better than yesterday. And I… I’m sorry you had to – ”

“For the love of god, you have to stop apologizing! I don’t mind taking care of you. I love you Phil. I care about you. I want to help you when you need me.” Clint says firmly.

Phil looks surprised for a moment, but then he smiles. “I’m…” He stops himself and laughs a little. “Right. No apologies. Can I say thank you?”

“I’ll allow it.” Clint says with a smile.

“Thank you!” Phil’s voice is so filled with gratitude that Clint blushes a little, but he forgets his own embarrassment when Phil kisses him firmly and lovingly.

They are still kissing when there is a sharp knock on the door.

“Oh… I better… Will you be okay if I leave?” Clint asks. Phil lets go of him. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Just… Don’t go to far?” Insecurity sneaks into his voice.

“Promise.” Clint says, kissing him for a moment before going out to the door as another knock breaks the silence of the living room. When he opens the door he finds Natasha, arms crossed and green eyes expectant. “So, are you going to tell me the truth?”

“The… The truth about what?” Clint asks.

“About yesterday.” She says, pushing into the apartment without waiting for permission.

“I asked Steve to tell – “ Clint begins, but Natasha turns towards him and cuts him off. “Steve told us some bull about you being scattered and I know you were not. I’ve seen you fall apart, that was not it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you…” Clint says. He hates lying to Natasha, but he will do anything to protect Phil.

“If you had needed Phil so much that you had to leave as soon as you saw him, I would have noticed.” Natasha says. He green eyes are firm and never leaves him.

“Clint…” Phil’s voice is still insecure and when Clint turns, he can see Phil standing in the door to the bedroom. He doesn’t look good, he is pale and his eyes are a little too wide, but he is looking worried at Clint. “Did you need me? You didn’t…” He stops, slowly realizing the truth. “No, you… You lied because of me…”

It’s a testament to how much Phil is still not okay that he lets Natasha the tears collecting in his eyes as he crosses the room to put his arms around Clint and give him a kiss. “You threw yourself under the bus for me… You shouldn’t have done that…”

“People aren’t kind to doms who drop…” Clint says quietly. Phil looks firmly at him. “And you think they’ll be kinder to you? Clint, you worked so hard to prevent anything like this…”

“You are more important…” Clint says. Phil smiles a little sad and kisses him. “I could say the same about you, you know…”

“I… I was afraid you’d get in trouble with Fury…” Clint says.

“Oh, don’t worry about him.” Natasha says before Phil has a chance to answer. “I’ll make sure he plays nice. God Clint, you are hopeless.” She walks over to them with an exhausted expression on her face, but it turns into a smile as she gives Clint a brief kiss on the cheek. “And I’m telling the team.”

“Nat, you can’t just –“ Clint begins, but Phil stops him with a gentle hand on the archers arm. “It’s okay. They should know the truth. They are our friends.”

“Are you sure?” Clint asks, unable to hide his worry.

“Yes. I am glad you gave me the chance to decide love, but they deserve to know. I won’t keep secrets from them.” Phil says. He looks calm and collected, almost like himself again. “They won’t treat me different for this…”

“You’re damn right we won’t.” Natasha says with a smile. “Now I know the truth, I’ll leave the two of you to enjoy the day.”

“Nat, I… I’m sorry… That I lied… I didn’t...” Clint says, but Natasha just waves her hand. “Don’t worry. I understand. Now, I’m going to go bother Steve and Bucky for a while and see if Tony has improved my Widow’s Bites like he promised.”

“Tony will probably try to convince you to move into the Tower with Bruce again.” Clint says with a smile.

“He can try.” Natasha just says before giving them both a wave and leaving the apartment.

“I can’t believe you did that for me…” Phil says quietly, leaning into Clint a little.

“I’d do anything for you Phil… I love you…”

They stay like that for a while, just holding each other and not talking. Clint is not sure if it’s for his sake or Phil’s, but he doesn’t need to know.

“So what now?” Phil says when they must have been standing unmoving for almost an hour.

“I’m thinking Hawaii…” Clint says smiling and Phil laughs. It makes Clint feel more at ease than any words could. Phil is almost himself again, but Clint still prefers to stay close. It turns out not to be any trouble as they curl up on the couch with his laptop and start looking at vacation sites.

Clint has never planned a vacation before and Phil has far more experience planning missions, but they quickly find a promising hotel and start making plans. Clint sends Tony a text, asking for advice, since Tony Stark is the person he knows who travels the most in the world. Tony, of course, offers his help with everything from attractions to paying for the entire trip. They don’t accept that part, but they do accept the offer to loan his private jet, because really, if you can’t take advantage of the fact that your friend has a private jet, what good is it then?

They both have several weeks of vacation time saved up, so getting time off is no problem. With help from Tony and Pepper, who turns out to be the mastermind behind most of Tony’s world travel, they are ready to leave in just a few days. By then, Phil is completely over his drop.

Clint had offered to fly the private jet himself, but Tony is adamant that you can’t fly the plane and be on vacation at the same time. So when the plane takes off, he is sitting next to Phil with a glass of champagne and a view of Tony, waving from the tarmac. After a few moments he is gone and there is nothing but sky outside their window.

Clint leans back into his seat, looking at the sparkling glass in his hand.

“So… An actual holiday…” Phil says with a smile. “Do you think we can figure out how to do that?”

“I’m going to do my best.” Clint says and leans over in his seat to kiss Phil, putting a hand on his thigh, sliding it slowly upwards. “I’m good at making you relax.”

“You are not going to make me ‘relax’ on Tony Stark’s plane.” Phil says, taking Clint’s hand from his leg and intertwining their fingers instead.

“You think Tony hasn’t been very relaxed here?” Clint says with a sly smile.

“I try not to think about what he has done here.” Phil says. “Now, be good and behave at least until we reach the hotel.”

Clint lets out a very soft, involuntary sound and puts his head on Phil’s shoulder, tucking into his side as much as possible with the armrest between them. Even if he can resist commands, being good for Phil has never stopped making his entire body hum pleasantly. Phil smiles and puts an arm around him. “There we go… You are so good for me Clint. No one has ever been as good for me as you are…”

The plane ride gets a little fuzzy after that, but that’s okay. Phil is there to take care of him.

The smell of food brings Clint back to his senses and when he opens his eyes, there are two plates in on the table in front of them. It looks incredible and very expensive, so Tony probably decided the menu.

“You back with me love?” Phil asks gently, petting Clint’s hair slowly.

“Mmm… You’re cheating…” Clint says, nuzzling a little into Phil’s side.

“Do you want me to stop?” Phil smiles at him and Clint turns to kiss him. “No… Never…”

Dinner is indeed incredible and when they are done, Phil tips their seats back, so they can lie down together. Phil falls asleep quickly, his steady breathing making it easy for Clint to doze a little.

The plane lands hours later and after saying goodbye to the captain and crew, Clint and Phil take a cab to their hotel. Check-in is easy, because Pepper is excellent at arranging everything, and soon they are alone in their cabin.

Clint throws his bag on the bed and turns to Phil with an expectant look. “Well… Was I good?”

Phil puts his bag on a chair with a smile and steps closer to his archer. “You were very good and very well behaved… Do you still want to help me relax?”

“Very much…” Clint smirks while putting his arms around Phil and kissing him affectionately. When he lets go, his hands have moved under Phil’s shirt. “First we need to get you out of all this clothes… It’s much easier to relax naked…”

“Is that so?” Phil says lifting his arms so Clint can pulls his shirt off. Clint just hums and starts trailing kisses from Phil’s mouth and down over his chest. Phil sighs quietly, running his fingers through Clint’s hair.

It’s easy to slip to his knees in front of Phil, bracing with both hands on his hips. From there, Clint lets his hands glide forwards to the zipper, so he can open Phil’s pants and pull them down, leaving the agent naked but for his underwear.

“I think, I see the problem…” Clint muses, rubbing the soft skin on either side of Phil’s rapidly hardening cock. His thumbs slip under the soft cotton of Phil’s boxers. “You seem very tense right around here....”

“Mmh… That something you can help me with?” Phil asks, still with his fingers tangled in Clint’s hair.

“I have some ideas…” Clint buries his nose in the cotton, mouthing at Phil’s hard length through the thin fabric. He knows he is doing it right when Phil’s fingers tighten their grip in his hair. When Phil’s breathing becomes swallow and uneven, Clint finally pulls his boxers down and licks the skin underneath.

“Fuck Clint…” Phil gasps, placing a hand on Clint’s shoulder to steady himself. Something about making the normally so composed agent curse revs Clint’s engine in exactly the right way.

Clint swallows Phil, licking and sucking until his lover’s nail digs into his skin and Phil almost doubles over above him.

As Phil’s breathing becomes even again, Clint gets to his feet and pulls him in for a long, indulgent kiss. When they eventually have to let go, Phil is smiling fondly. “I’d say that worked… Do you want me to – “

Clint stops him with another kiss. “I’m not done yet. I know you. It takes more than that to make you relax completely. Come…”

Taking his hand, Clint leads Phil to the bed and pushes him down on it before going back to his pack. Phil pops himself up on his elbows and watches him. “I’m pretty sure I need a break before I can participate again…”

“You don’t need to do anything. Vacation, remember? We are trying to make you relax.” Clint says as he walks back to the bed with a bottle in his hand.

“So that’s…?” Phil asks, inclining his head towards Clint’s hand.

“Massage oil, you perv.” Clint laughs as he jumps onto the bed next to Phil. “Now lie down.”

Phil does as he is told and Clint starts rubbing the oil into his skin, slowly and carefully. He makes sure to cover Phil’s entire body and if he spends a little extra time on certain areas… Well, it’s a good thing he is not getting paid for the massage.

By the time he is done, Phil looks half asleep, eyes closed and breathing soft. Clint pulls off his shirt and kicks off his pants before curling up next to him. Phil lazily puts an arm around the archer.

“You are so wonderful…” Phil mumbles without opening his eyes, sounding a little dazed. Clint smiles and pillows his head on Phil’s chest, pleased with his success.

When Phil moves to kiss his hair a little later, Clint just hums, contend to be exactly where he is.

“I think I like your plans…” Phil says softly. “Do you have any more?”

“No…” Clint turns a little so he can plant a kiss on Phil’s chest. “Your turn…”

“Well, then we are going to order some dinner and then I’m going to take care of you, how does that sound?” Phil asks.

“Sounds wonderful” Clint says with a smile, already enjoying his vacation tremendously.

_“I’m going to train you to be good for me.”_

There is a hand in his hair and he can’t breathe. He can’t get it off.

_“You want to be good, don’t you?”_

The light is so bright he can’t see anything, but the voice is right next to him.

_“Say ‘thank you Master.’”_

The voice is commanding and strong. It’s so close but it’s wrong. It’s all wrong.

_“Say it!”_

Clint wakes up with a broken gasp. His body is shaking, but can barely move, held firmly by two strong arms. There is a voice somewhere, but he can’t grasp the words just yet. There is a tapping on his chest and that’s easier, it’s a rhythm he can follow.

Tap tap tap… Tap tap… Tap tap tap tap tap tap… Tap tap tap… Tap tap.

_You’re safe._

“Phil…”

“I’m here my love. You’re safe. It was just a nightmare.”

It’s still hard to get enough air and he has to keep his eyes shut tight against the faint light in the room, but Phil is holding him, whispering softly and tapping the message into his heart.

_You’re safe._

When he is finally calm enough to take a deep breath, he feels a slight ache in the skin on his neck. The scratches will still be there when they get up in the morning, reminding him of the nightmare.

“I’m sorry…” It’s barely a whisper, but Phil is close enough to hear it. The tapping stops and Phil’s hand comes to rest over Clint’s heart. “Don’t. Don’t ever apologize for this. You didn’t choose any of this.”

“I’m ruining our vacation…” Clint tries to curl in on himself, but Phil’s legs are wrapped around his, holding him.

“You had a nightmare. That’s hardly ruining anything.” Phil says softly.

“We weren’t supposed to think about it, about…” He can’t finish. There is not enough air in his lungs.

“Clint…” Phil gently turns him around so they are face to face. “You can’t expect this to go away just because we are on vacation. Especially not in an unfamiliar place with sounds you don’t know and more light than you are used to. A nightmare is not going to ruin anything. I’m here. I’ll take care of you, like always…”

It’s a little easier to breathe now, so Clint takes a few deep breaths and curls in around Phil. “I need you…”

“I know… I’m right here…” Phil’s hand is on his neck, rubbing the skin gently. His breathing is far steadier than Clint’s and his heartbeat is firm and constant.

“Will you let me try something?” Phil asks after a moment’s silence. Clint just nods and Phil kisses his forehead before slowly getting out of bed. Without him, Clint feels far colder than he should on the tropic island.

Then Phil is back, sitting down on the bed next to him. “Come, sit up for me.”

Clint moves over next to him and sits. He is a little surprised by the item in Phil’s hands and for a second he forgets the nightmare. “You brought a tie on vacation?”

“I always have a tie.” Phil just says, then leans over and places the tie over Clint’s eyes, tying it firmly. It’s soft and dense, blocking out the light from the room.

“There… Now, take out your hearing aids…” Phil says, making Clint pause. His hearing aids are made by S.H.I.E.L.D. and improved by Tony, so he never really has to remove them. It’s too dangerous on missions where he need to pay attention at all times, even when he rests, and at home he needs to be able to hear Phil. Taking them out would mean… Silence. Silence and darkness. Clint is suddenly so so grateful that Phil always just _knows_ but the tie soaks up his tears.

He takes them out carefully and holds out a hand. Phil takes them away. With everything gone like this, Clint has to trust that Phil will be vigilante for both of them and take care of him. He does. He trusts Phil with everything.

Firm hands guide him back into bed and strong arms wrap around him before covering both of them with a blanket. Clint places a hand on Phil’s chest. He can’t hear it, but he can feel Phil’s heart and his slow, steady breathing. Falling asleep after that is far easier than Clint thought it would be.

They spend the next day in bed, where Phil does everything he can to make Clint forget the nightmare. For a lot of that, the blindfold stays on.

When they can finally be bothered to leave their cabin, they spend the time walking the beaches, exploring the island and eating anything that sounds good. With the blindfold and without his hearing aids it’s easier for Clint to sleep and even if there are still nightmares, Phil is always there to make it better.

They try surfing too and like Phil predicted, Clint quickly gets pretty proficient at it. Phil gives up after a few tries, finding that he does not have the balance or dexterity for it. After that he just spends hours on the beach watching Clint.

All in all, it’s one of the best weeks of Clint’s life. He might be broken and unable to obey orders like a normal sub, but Phil never cared about any of that. Phil always loved him and Clint has come to realize that nothing else really matters.


	11. Fucking Aliens

It’s no secret that Tony Stark gets easily bored. He is not really paying as much attention to the meeting as Pepper would like, his thoughts caught somewhere between the way Steve looked getting out of the shower this morning and how to incorporate the Arc Reactor into his suit so it would be able to carry him and not just fly to transport itself.

His phone chirps and he opens it discreetly to find a picture of Phil looking mildly annoyed wearing a lei at an actual fucking luau. Tony has to cover his snicker with a cough, earning him a disapproving look from Pepper. At least Clint is enjoying his holyday. Maybe Tony should arrange a trip for his soldiers. If Phil can be convinced to take time off, there must be a way to convince Steve as well.

Making a mental note, he puts the phone away and tries to focus on the rest of the meeting.

When he gets home there is a message from Bucky that both he and Steve are training. That means they will be back late, but when they get back, they’ll be hot and sweaty. Tony hums to himself, already planning what fun they can have in the shower.

Until then, he goes to his workshop and starts working on the Mark IX. He is determined to fly.

“Tony? Tony, sweetheart?”

It takes a little too long for Tony to realize someone is talking to him. He’d been completely absorbed in his work. Looking up, he sees both Steve and Bucky standing in front of him. Steve’s shirt is damp and leaves very little to the imagination and Bucky’s hair is tied back so he won’t get it in his eyes.

“Um… Hi?”

“Hey Tony.” Steve smiles. “You listening now?”

“Yeah, I’m… Sorry, I was…” Tony makes a vague gesture towards the table. Bucky walks close and gives him a kiss. “We know. We know you. But how about you leave work for now and go help me tear that sinfully tight shirt off Steve?”

“I can do that.” Tony says with a sly smile, as Bucky grabs his arm and the front of Steve’s shirt and pulls both of them from the workshop.

It’s not always easy convince Tony to leave his tinkering behind, but Bucky and Steve have learned a few tricks by now. As soon as the elevator door closes, Tony is in Bucky’s arms, his lips on salty skin. Steve is behind him, his hands roaming under Tony’s shirt.

Tony hardly notices when the elevator stops, too busy with the taste of Bucky’s skin. He doesn’t have to notice. Bucky just picks him up and carries Tony into their apartment, letting Steve open the doors between the elevator and the bathroom. Somewhere along the way, Tony looses his shirt and Bucky’s hair gets untied.

In the bathroom, Bucky puts Tony down next to the sink, taking a step back with a smile. “When was the last time you saw something that pretty Stevie?”

“This morning when he was getting ready to leave for work and you were still snoozing.” Steve says with a smile as he comes to stand next to Bucky.

“Well, you can never have too much of a good thing.” Bucky says and gives Steve a nonchalant kiss. With his left hand he grabs the collar of Steve’s shirt and pulls down, tearing the fabric in two. Steve rolls his eyes but doesn’t break the kiss. It’s nowhere near the first time, since Bucky has a thing for destroying their clothes and Tony has no problem buying more or seeing Steve in a torn shirt.

He doesn’t have a problem watching his two soldiers kissing like they have been apart for months, only thinking about the other and the need to explore his mouth. His pants feel too tight and Tony jumps off the counter so he can remove both them and his underwear.

“Getting impatient baby?” Bucky asks with an arm casually slung over Steve’s shoulders as his eyes travel slowly down over Tony’s naked body.

“Getting uncomfortable.” Tony answers, moving between the to of them with a smirk. “You gonna help me with that?”

“You know I’m always ready to lend a hand.” Bucky smiles as he reaches out with his free hand and grabs Tony’s cock, stroking it slowly. “This helping?”

“Mmm… Would help more if you weren’t still fully dressed…” Tony gives Bucky a disapproving look, making the other man laugh. With a short kiss Bucky lets go of both of them and starts undressing. Tony turns his eyes to Steve and raises an eyebrow. Steve smiles and shrugs off the ruined shirt before removing his own pants.

Then it’s Tony’s turn to let his eyes travel, getting their fill of first one and then another naked soldier, enjoying their obvious physical want, before going into the shower and turning the water on. One of the joys of living in an apartment controlled by JARVIS is that the water is always the right temperature when it’s turned on, so he can let it cascade over him immediately.

Steve and Bucky join him in the lavish shower. It’s big enough for all of them, because Tony Stark never does things halfway. Steve pulls him in for a firm embrace, holding Tony against him from chest to hip, grinding a little into him. Tony makes a very pleased sound and grabs Steve’s wet hair, guiding his face close enough to kiss.

Bucky moves in behind Tony, kissing the shell of his ear, the soft skin behind it and the short hairs in the nape of his neck, making the engineer shiver a little. He reaches behind himself and finds Bucky’s hard cock after only a little fumbling. Bucky moans and bites down on Tony’s neck to stifle the sound.

When Steve goes to his knees in front of him, Tony’s breath hitches a little. This is one of the (many) reasons he loves Steve. Doms don’t kneel. Doms don’t serve, they get served. Tony knows that when Bucky and Steve were together they would take turns, changing positions after what they wanted, but dom relationships are different. They are rare but mostly accepted. A dom on his knees in front of a sub would not be.

And Tony loves it. He loves that their designations have no say over what they do, who they are. He loves that he is their lover, not just their sub. And he definitely loves the way Steve’s mouth feels around his cock.

Bucky’s arms folds around Tony’s chest, making him lean back onto the broad chest behind him. Bucky’s chin is resting on Tony’s shoulder. “He looks good on his knees our Stevie, doesn’t he? So fucking pretty like that.”

“Yeah… He’s… Real pretty…” Tony gets out between the moans. He grabs Steve’s hair with one hand and Bucky’s metal arm with the other. He can feel Bucky’s cock grind against his ass every time Steve moves them.

Then only reason Tony doesn’t fall when he comes is Bucky’s arms around him, holding him up. Steve gets to his feet slowly, kissing Tony and sharing his taste. It’s filthy and completely wonderful.

Tony somehow has enough focus to grab Bucky’s cock behind him and stroke it quickly until Bucky bites down on his shoulder again, harder this time, as he comes. Bucky licks the mark apologetically before letting go Tony and pulling Steve in for a kiss.

After a moment Tony pushes Bucky away gently, taking his place in front of Steve, leaving Bucky free to roam the blondes body with his hands. Between Tony’s eager tongue and Bucky’s experienced hands it’s not long before Steve cries out, grabbing Tony’s sides hard enough to bruise.

The days that follow are peaceful. Without both Clint and Phil, Alpha Team doesn’t have any missions. It is easy for Tony and Bucky to relax and enjoy it and when Steve gets too tense, they make sure he gets a thorough workout. 

Clint and Phil return on a rainy Wednesday and Tony is there to greet them. They both look stupidly happy and tan, making Tony remember his own plans to convince his soldiers to go somewhere where a shirt is optional.

After unloading their things, Phil and Clint join Tony, Steve and Bucky for dinner. Clint talks animated about their trip and shows pictures. Tony has seen Clint cheerful before, but it’s only recently he has begun to understands just how energetic his friend can be when he is fully balanced and truly happy. Even if the darkness will never be completely gone, like Tony’s own demons, Steve’s anxiety or Bucky’s panic attacks, the last vestiges of pain have left Clint’s eyes now.

The agents return to work the next day and are immediately busy. Director Fury has them investigating some unknown threat that he won’t tell them much about, but seems to deem very important. To his surprise, Tony gets asks to help Bruce examine a strange, glowing blue square Fury calls the Tesseract. Clint is assigned to security while they work, which for some reason means that he hangs out in the rafters above them, watching everything at once.

They are in an old army base converted to research station. Outside of the three of them, there are five S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on the base, but as long as they don’t know more about the Tesseract and what it can possibly do, they keep the staff at a minimum.

It doesn’t take long before they figure out that the Tesseract contains a lot of energy that seems to come from… Somewhere. Learning more becomes a little difficult when some of this energy starts to radiate from the odd square.

“Fuck this!” Tony yells after another spike of energy fries several computers.

“How did that happen? Did we make it happen?” Bruce asks, moving a little further away from the Tesseract.

“No, we didn’t do anything.” Tony says, throwing the useless computer away and finding one that still works. “We stopped doing anything when the power levels started spiking.”

“So it’s not on our end…” Clint says from his nest in the rafters.

“It’s… What?” Tony asks, craning his neck to see his friend.

“Well, the energy has to come from somewhere, right? Like a door. Doors open from both sides.” Clint continues like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. And it is. It should have been. Tony was just too busy with the energy readings to even think about that.

“Maybe we should find a way to lock that door.” Bruce suggests when another spike of energy shoots out right next to him.

“I don’t think we have time.” Tony says watching the flashing red lights on several monitors. “The energy is peaking. Something is happening.”

“We’re leaving.” Clint says, sliding down the rope to the floor between them just as the alarm to evacuate starts blaring. Tony shoots him a look. Clint is still not happy about loud sounds, but if the alarm is uncomfortable for him, he doesn’t show it.

“But we – “

“No Tony.”

“But – “

“No. Leaving.” Clint says, grabbing Tony by the arm and hauling him towards the door. Bruce follows quickly, but before they reach the door, the entire room shakes as a beam of blue energy shoots out of the Tesseract towards the far wall. It seems like a small implosion when the energy hits, forming a huge blue sphere of crackling light.

Without Tony ever seeing him move, Clint is suddenly no longer in front of him moving towards the door, but behind him, placing himself between Bruce and Tony and whatever is happening, gun in hand.

“What the – “ Tony begins, but then the blue light erupts and several figures burst out of it. It’s a portal, because of course it’s a portal. “JARVIS, I’m going to need the Mark IX a little sooner than anticipated.” Tony says, tapping his watch. Thank god he expected something like this and had the suit brought to the base. It barely takes a minute before it arrives and starts wrapping around him.

In that minute, however, the strange creatures from the portal have started attacking them and Clint is doing everything in his power to keep them away. He is doing a damn good job too, but he is alone and there is apparently no end to the amount of enemies spilling from the portal.

As soon as the faceplate is shut Tony steps into the fight. Having spend a lot of time training with Steve and Bucky quickly comes in handy and experience with the suit makes it easier for him to fight the aliens. (Tony is pretty sure they are aliens by now, nothing from Earth looks like that). Having successfully incorporated the Arc Reactor and added repulsers to each glove turns out to be a genius idea on Tony’s part, as he blasts the never-ending line of aliens.

“Bruce, get out of here.” Clint yells at the scientist as he whacks an alien in the face with his gun before shooting another. “Tell the agents the lab is compromised. We need assistance to containing the threat.”

There is only one door in the lab and as soon as Bruce is gone, Clint closes it behind him to keep the enemy from escaping. The aliens don’t really seem interested in escaping though. They seem more interested in attacking Clint and Tony. Or distracting them.

“They are after the Tesseract!” Tony shouts over the screeching and general mayhem in the room.

“Then we need to get it first.” Clint yells while shooting two aliens at the same time.

“On it.” Tony would have liked a little more time to test the Mark IV in his lab, but a field test will have to do. The thrusters in his boots blast to life and lift him from the ground. The lab is quite a big room and it’s possible for Tony to shoot over the heads of several aliens before slamming down next to the ones who are trying to get the Tesseract out of it’s container.

The aliens’ masks prevent him from seeing any expression (if the aliens even have facial expressions he would be able to recognize), but Tony imagines their surprise as he blasts them away from the glowing square.

With the aliens distracted by Tony, Clint scrambles up the rope to the rafters, pulling the rope up after him. From his vantage point it’s easy for the sniper to take down the aliens. But there are still a lot of them.

It helps when the door opens and the other agents enter the room to fight the aliens, who let out a lot of loud angry screeching. Then one of them throws something that looks a lot like –

“Watch out!”

It’s not enough. A blinding flash of light fills the room, knocking the agents back and Clint off the rafters. It’s a big room. Big enough that Tony can fly inside it. Big enough that Clint will get seriously hurt when he hits the floor.

The aliens seem unaffected by the light and are turning towards the Tesseract. The thing they actually want. The suit meant that Tony is unaffected as well. He should stay and defend the Tesseract. They know it’s powerful and the aliens are obviously hostile. There is no telling what they’ll do if they get their hands on the blue square. He should do anything in his power to keep that from happening.

Tony can try to defend it or he can save his friend.

It’s no question really.

As he shoots away, Tony hears the telltale sound of breaking metal and knows that the aliens have broken the container. He can’t deal with that now, he is too busy trying to match his speed with Clint’s so getting caught by a metal suit won’t hurt the archer.

Clint is unconscious and shows no reaction to being caught by Tony. That could be good or bad. Good if Tony’s math was correct and the collision with him didn’t hurt or bad if Clint is already too hurt to react to more pain.

While Tony was busy, the aliens have turned their weapons to the far wall. As he lands they break through and hurry out, taking the Tesseract with them.

Tony ignores the alien army disappearing into the world with a very powerful weapon and eases Clint to the floor among the other agents. None of them have moved since the flash of light.

“Come on buddy, you are not gonna let a little alien bomb take you out, are you?” Tony pops his faceplate and yanks off his gloves as fast as possible so he can check for a pulse on Clint’s neck. There is a moment where Tony fells just as cold as he did during his withdrawal, but then he feels a slow, steady beat.

“Oh thank god. I was not going to explain to Phil how a research assignment got you killed.” Tony mumbles before closing his faceplate again and picking up the gloves. “J., I’m assuming the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. is already informed of this little event. How soon can I expect some medical assistance?”

“ETA in seven minutes for the closest vehicle Sir.” Comes the immediate answer. “Captain Rogers and Sargent Barnes are inbound as well.”

“Great. Get me Bruce.” Tony says as he tears himself away from the unconscious agents and hurries to the gaping hole in the wall. Another voice fills his helmet after a moment. “Tony? God, Tony, are you okay? What happened?”

“Alien attack Brucie-bear. I need you to get back to the lab and keep an eye on the agents while I se if I can find any trace of the aliens.” Tony takes off as soon as he is outside the building. With no roof and no walls it’s so much easier to get height and speed. Turning on as many scanners and filters as possible, he starts searching the area.

“Did they get away?” Bruce asks, the lets out a small gasp. He must have entered the lab. “Oh no, are they okay?”

“Clint had a pulse when I left and more agents should be on the way. And yes, the aliens got away, there were a lot of them!” Tony’s irritation is not as much with Bruce as with the fact that he can find no trace of the aliens. How can extraterrestrials disappear so completely in such a short time?

When he gives up and returns to the lab, several more agents have shown up. A medical team is securing the unconscious agents to gurneys while a science team has started to secure the area and collect the dead aliens. Tony sweeps in between two agents, grabbing the object that made the flashing light before removing his faceplate again.

As soon as he is still, Bucky and Steve are there, looking worried. “Tony, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. How’s Clint, is he…?” Tony looks behind them to the medical team.

“Stable, but unresponsive.” Steve says, putting a hand on Tony’s arm. Tony can’t feel it through the metal, but it’s nice anyway. “They are bringing them back to base now. What happened?”

“Aliens.” Tony turns his eyes back to Steve. “Aliens and portals. And this thing.” He holds the object up.

“What is that?” Bucky asks.

“Don’t know yet. But whatever it is, it’s the reason for what happened to Clint and the agents, so I’m going to find out.” Tony says.

It takes the agents several hours to clean the lab, but Tony only learns about that after the fact. He goes back to base with the medical team, along with Bruce, Steve and Bucky. They meet Natasha and Agent Coulson (not Phil, not when they are working) by the gate and, after making sure that Clint is in no immediate danger, accompany them to the situation room. Bruce and Tony explain what happened and Tony shares the video from his helmet so they can get a look at the aliens.

Tony leaves the agents with the video and goes to one of the labs on the base to have a closer look at the object. He can’t plan their search for the aliens, but hopefully he can find a way to help Clint. Bruce goes with him.

Tony sets out to scan the object that seems to be much like a flash-bang grenade, meant to incapacitate the enemy, making them easy to capture. Combining his findings with Bruce’s examination of the unconscious agent, they figure out that the light somehow creates a temporary coma. It takes four hours and several simulations before they figure out that a small electric shock might be what it takes to wake them up.

Convincing Director Fury to let them zap his agents takes a little while and Tony demonstrates the shock on himself to prove it’s not dangerous. It smarts something fierce, but only for a second. It also helps that Agent Coulson is understandably eager to wake Clint up.

They go to the medical facility where the unconscious agents are being monitored. They are all stable, but unresponsive, like Steve said.

Tony and Phil (because when Clint is hurt, it’s most definitely Phil) go to Clint’s bed first. Phil removes the archer’s hearing aid with an ease that proves he has done it before and then takes half a step back.

The shock has an immediate effect. Clint bolts upright in bed with a startled yelp. Phil grabs his shoulder with one hand and places himself in Clint’s field of vision, signing something with his free hand. Steve has tried to teach Tony ASL, but so far the movements mean nothing to him. They do to Clint, of course, and the archer lets Phil ease him back into bed and accepts his hearing aid again.

Clint turns his head towards Tony and raises an eyebrow. “Electroshock Stark? Really?”

“I thought it might kick start your birdbrain into not falling from the beams.” Tony grins. 

Clint laughs. Follow up checks indicate that there will be no lasting effects of the alien weapon and the shock is just as efficient in waking up the other agents. They stay under observation for 24 hours, but no ill effects show up and after that Clint joins them in the situation room, trying to figure out what to do with the actual aliens.

They all know something is coming, something big, and when they are not trying to plan for every single scenario that they can imagine, they are getting their gear ready. Tony is building the Mark X and optimizing Clint’s bow and Natasha’s Widow’s Bites. Bucky and Clint practically live at the shooting range, shooting every weapon the own and Steve trains with the shield for hours.

Still, Steve is not too distracted to notice the many hours Tony spends in his workshop.

“You are planning to fight, aren’t you?” The soldier asks one day when he finds Tony working on the Mark X.

“Yep. It smells like an invasion. You’re gonna need everyone you can get.” Tony says, not looking of from his work.

“You are not a soldier Tony…” Steve says, putting a hand on his shoulder. Tony puts down his tools and turn to look at his lover. “No. I’m the reason the aliens have the Tesseract.”

“You saved Clint. It was the right call.” Steve says, not for the first time.

“But it lead to the enemy having a weapon we know very little about.” Tony counters. Not for the first time either.

“Tony…”

“Steve…”

They lock eyes for a moment, then Steve sighs and nods. “I see… I… I wish you would stay somewhere safe, but if you must fight, you will fight with me. I’m putting you on Alpha Team for this.”

Tony smiles and gives Steve a long kiss. He could never stay out of this fight, not even if he had to fight alone on the other side of the world, but knowing he will be fighting alongside his friends and loved ones makes it a little less terrifying.

Something is coming and they have to be ready.


	12. Battle of New York

Something does come. It takes a week and a half and then, without any warning, a portal opens up above New York. It’s just like the one in the lab, except it’s so so much bigger and in the sky.

And then there is the army. The alien army. It’s pouring out of the portal, wave after wave of them. Not just the humanoids from the lab, but gigantic flying creatures with several alien soldiers on their backs. The city is in turmoil within minutes.

S.H.I.E.L.D. reacts as soon as the portal appears, calling in all assets. Again living in The Tower proves beneficiary, especially as Tony may have outfitted most of the vehicles in his garage to go a little faster than originally.

Alpha Team is the first to enter the fray, having met Natasha on the way. Bruce is at S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters with Director Fury, working on a way to tract the Tesseract from the data they collected before the aliens attacked the lab. Hopefully, he will be safe there while the rest of New York descends into chaos.

When they arrive, they pause for a moment, taking in the oncoming army.

“Tony, are you seeing this?” Steve asks from the ground. Tony, already closer to the enemy than the rest of Alpha Team because of his suit, banks right and moves back to the team. “Seeing. Still… Working on believing.” He answers, hovering low behind the others.

“All right, listen up.” Steve says, getting everybody’s attention without ever raising his voice. “Until we can close that portal, our priority is containment. Barton, Barnes, I want you on that roof. Eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Tony, you got the perimeter. Anything gets more than three blocks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash.”

“Can you give us a lift?” Clint asks, looking at Tony, who nods. The movement has to be bigger than normally to register with the helmet, but he is learning how much is needed.

“Right. Better clench up, Legolas.” Tony says, grapping the neck of Clint suit and one of the many straps on Bucky’s uniform. It can’t be comfortable. He will have to design something better when he gets the time, maybe a harness or something. Right now, it will have to do. Tony blasts off, carrying the two snipers to the roof before moving on his own task. Steve continues to call out orders to the other teams.

Taking orders and working in a unit was never really Tony’s forte, but he quickly realizes why the team follows Steve’s every order as scripture. They are not commands, not really, but every order has it’s own power behind it, a power that comes from Steve and has nothing to do with him being a dom. So when Steve tells him where to go, Tony obeys without question for the first time in his life and he is not the only one. All the S.H.I.E.L.D. teams follow Steve’s commands, even Beta Team, despite the many discrepancies between the teams Tony has heard about.

They set up a perimeter, trying to keep the aliens from spreading over too much of the city and keep the fight to the already affected area. The police arrive in time to assist with the evacuation, focusing their people on getting as many civilians to safety as possible while S.H.I.E.L.D. handles the actual fighting.

And there is a lot of fighting to be done. The aliens are already on the ground, spreading out in the city and attacking everyone and everything they can find. Some are in the air, flying on what looks like small open crafts. S.H.I.E.L.D. are working on getting their jets in the air to fight them, but they are big and slow and far too cumbersome to be really useful in the urban environment. 

That leaves Tony. His suit makes it possible for him to fight the smaller alien crafts and lure as many of the as possible back into the fight and towards the roofs where Clint and Bucky are stationed.

“Stark, you got a lot of strays sniffing your tail.” Clint calls out, shooting at anything within distance without pause.

“I’m just trying to keep them off the streets.” Tony says, gliding low in an effort to shake some of his followers.

“Well, they can’t bank worth a damn.” Clint says, shooting an arrow into one of the aliens trailing Tony, making it explode. “So find a tight corner.”

“I will roger that.” Tony says, making a sharp turn and listening with glee as the trailing aliens all but one slam into the building in front of him. He continues into a low arcade, turning the last of the alien crafts into flaming wreckage. Tony swings around the building where Clint is stationed and gives him a wave as thanks. “Nice call.”

Tony goes back to check the perimeter after that and is shooting a few of the smaller crafts out of the sky when he hears Natasha speak. “Just like Budapest, all over again.”

“You and I remember Budapest very differently.” Clint answers and Tony wonders, not for the first time, what actually happened between the two of them in Budapest. No one will tell him and he is pretty sure not even Steve and Bucky know.

While Steve saves a bunch of civilians in a bank on Madison, Natasha actually manages to get on one of the smaller crafts, stabbing her knives into the shoulders of the alien flying it and controlling it through him. With it, she leads several aliens towards Bucky and Clint, making it easy for the two snipers to pick the off one by one.

When the alien craft crashes into the ground, she leaps off and joins forces with the agents on the ground.

Swooping low, Tony passes the area where Natasha, Steve and Agent Coulson are picking off aliens by a bunch of overturned cars. They seem to have the area under control. Steve sees him and points skywards.

“Tony, I need you to find a way to take out those flying beasts.” Steve tells him. It’s probably not a request he wants to make, but Tony is the one best equipped to find a way to kill the thing, even if it brings him in danger.

“Got it Cap. How to kill a giant space whale, coming up.” Tony says, turning in the air towards the enemy. The Mark X handles like a dream and flying has already become second nature to Tony. He easily maneuvers around two alien speeders – Tony needs to get his hands on one of those when this is all over – and towards the nearest ‘giant space whales’.

The whale – he’s going to keep calling it a whale until someone corrects him – moves slower than the speeders but creates considerably more damaged when it smashes into buildings. Flying along the side of it Tony fires a wide array of different weapons from his suit, but it soon becomes obvious that the beast has some kind of armor that protects it’s outside.

“JARVIS, find me a soft spot.” Tony says, flying closer. Some flares seems to annoy the beast, even if it doesn’t hurt it and even if it turns slowly, it suddenly seems to be coming after Tony very fast.

“Well, we got its attention. What the hell was step two?” Tony asks himself, as he turns and tries to get out of range of the flying colossus. Making a wide turn, he circles back and tries one of the lasers on his wrist, only to be interrupted by JARVIS. “Sir, we will loose power before we penetrate that shell.”

Oh well. On to plan Z.

“JARVIS, you ever hear the tale of Jonah?” Tony asks, rounding the tail of the whale and moving towards the face again.

“I wouldn’t consider him a role model.” Comes the hesitant answer, just as Tony is face to face with the alien monster.

It’s not pleasant. It’s really rather disgusting. The whale roars as he moves towards it, opening a mouth easily big enough for Tony to fly in. Once inside, he fires several different rockets in several directions, hitting the soft stomach of the beast. Explosions follow and then Tony is flung from the beast to the ground, stopping as he collides with an abandoned cab. Numerous aliens start shooting at him before he has a chance to get to his feet again.

“We’ve got it. Captain!” Bruce’s voice cuts in over their comm links. “The Tesseract. We have a location.”

“Tony, go!” Steve shouts, his voice somewhere between desperation and relief. He sounds out of breath. Tony hasn’t seen him for a while and the battle is raging everywhere. Steve might be hurt. Bucky might be hurt. All his friends might be hurt and he has no time to find out. There is something more important to do first.

“On it.” Tony makes JARVIS put all power into the thrusters and blasts off from the group of aliens around him towards the coordinates that have appeared in his helmet. The other will follow him when they can, but Tony is much faster than them. Hopefully he will be able to get to the Tesseract on his own and hold the aliens away until help arrives.

It turns out that the Tesseract was placed on one of the rooftops in the city, giving it clear access to the sky and the portal above it. Getting closer, Tony can see that the glowing blue square had been placed in some kind of machinery that seems to both hold the thing in place and guide it’s power towards the portal. Several aliens are positioned around the machinery, guarding it.

Well, no one ever said saving the city was easy.

Tony drops lower, flying along the edge of the roof and shooting some of the aliens before they have time to react to his presence. Of course, that only gives him a brief advantage as the aliens turn towards him with their weapons. Falling beneath the wall means that Tony can avoid most of the blasts and he hurries to the other side of the building before rising up and attacking again, hitting the aliens still shooting in his previous direction in the back.

That tactic works twice, then the aliens arrange themselves in a circle around the machinery, keeping an eye in every direction at once.

So Tony has to change his approach and attack them head on. Luckily the suit can take a lot of damaged without Tony ever feeling it, so most of the blasts do little more than slow him down. The aliens have armor as well, but not as efficient as he does and the repulsor blasts powered by the Arc Reactor in his chest piece cut through most of it.

Still, there are a lot of them and even with the blasts it takes a bit of work for Tony to get close to the machinery. He throws one alien into several others and shoots the two behind that one. He knows the others are on their way, but getting to the roof will take them some time and as long as the portal is open, more aliens will come through.

Then Tony is in front of the machine, ducking under a blast from the closest alien and slamming his shoulder into it, throwing it away behind him. The Tesseract is placed on what looks a little like a pedestal, bound with metal to keep it in place. Blue light still emits from the square, filling the roof and powering the portal.

Hoping his suit will protect him, Tony reaches out and grabs the Tesseract. The power is making his entire suit hum and several warnings flash on his display, but he mutes them all and sets to work wresting the Tesseract free.

It’s hard work. Hard enough that Tony doesn’t notice the aliens behind him until one of them slams into his back, pushing him into the machine.

Tony screams.

It’s not the Tesseract and the machinery behind it, pressing in on the chest piece of his suit so hard that it’s bending inwards, making his ribs creak with the metal. It’s not the blinding light, bringing tears to his eyes even through the visor of the helmet. It’s not even the alien behind him, clawing at his suit with some weapon, cutting through metal and skin.

It’s the feeling of a lightning strike to his heart.

It’s a second that feels like an eternity. Then the machinery in front of him breaks and Tony stumbles forwards, clutching the still glowing Tesseract to his broken chest.

Above him, there is a sound like an explosion and then another blinding light. Looking up, he sees the last remnants of the portal collapse in on itself. Without the Tesseract, it disappears completely within seconds.

They’ve won. It’s over.

That’s when a spear pierces Phil’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...


	13. Arc Reactor

For a moment, nothing else happens as Phil falls to the ground, the spear still penetrating him. Then Bucky moves. ”We need a medical team, NOW!”

After that, everything moves very fast and not fast enough. Turns out the remaining aliens do not like the idea of surrendering and several of them go directly for Tony and the Tesseract. Tony takes off from the roof and puts as much distance between himself and the aliens as possible. At least the alien whales and the gliders seem incapacitated without the portal and have started dropping from the sky.

It’s hard to focus on the aliens with Clint’s voice in his comm link. It’s barely a whisper and Tony is pretty sure no one else can hear it over the general pandemonium of battle, but inside Tony’s helmet the most important sounds are enhanced. Like his friend pleading.

”Please don’t leave me, please. I need you. I need you, please please please.”

Tony hurries in the direction of the others. Already at a distance he can see Clint kneeling by Phil’s lifeless form. There is so much blood.

“J., give me some good new, please.” Tony says.

“I’m afraid I’m not picking up any life signs sir.” Comes the answer. The AI actually sounds regretful.

Before Tony gets closer, the medical team arrives at the same time as another wave of aliens approach them. Clint gets up and turns towards the enemy. Nothing in Tony’s life could have prepared him for the sound Clint makes as he throws himself at the aliens. It is the horrible, inhuman sound of someone who has lost everything. Clint has no arrows left, but that doesn’t even slow him down as he pounds on every alien within reach with his first, knives and bow.

Tony clutches the Tesseract in one hand and fires blast after blast at the aliens with the others. His vision is blurry, but it must be an error in the visor because of the damaged it has sustained during the battle. He stays lower than before, keeping an eye on Clint and taking out as many aliens around him as possible.

Several other agents show up, among them Natasha, and she does a great deal to help Tony keep Clint alive. Something Clint does not seem to have any interest in himself.

The battle seems to continue for hours after that, but that is probably not the case. No more aliens are coming and the army is finally moving in. Slowly but surely they are taking the city back. The aliens don’t seem to know anything about the concept of surrender and all of the fight till the death, leaving S.H.I.E.L.D. with no living prisoners, but several bodies.

Tony lands on an empty patch of road, stumbling a little as he touches down. He has to grab one of the abandoned cars to steady himself. It feels a little odd to move, so the suit must have been more damaged than he though.

Somewhere to his right, he sees Clint slamming an alien weapon into an already dead alien with uncharacteristic fury. Natasha hurries up to him, grabbing his arms and pulling him away from the body.

“Clint, it’s over. We won…” She says. Her voice is far gentler than Tony has ever heard before. Clint looks up at her, his eyes almost black with grief. “Did we?”

“Tony!” Steve’s voice makes him look away from the two assassins to where the Captain is running down the road, followed by a bloody and battered Bucky. They both look worried and Tony doesn’t really understand why. Bucky is the one who is covered in blood. Clint is the one who looks like the world is ending. Phil is… Oh God, Phil…

“Tony!”

There is a snap and Tony’s faceplate opens. Steve is suddenly right in front of him and Tony blinks in surprise. When did Steve get close enough to open the fail safe on his helmet?

“Tony, look at me.” It’s a command and Tony obeys, although he finds it hard to actually focus on Steve, who is looking at him with growing concern. Whatever he sees in Tony’s eyes does nothing to remove that concern. “We need to get you out of the suit.”

“I would advise against that Captain Rogers.” JARVIS says over the humming in Tony’s ears, loud enough that Steve can hear it through the open faceplate. “Opening the chest piece would most likely increase the damaged already done to Mr. Stark’s ribcage.”

For a moment, the words just confuse Tony. Then he looks down and realizes that the entire front of his suit is smashed and there is blood leaking out through the cracks.

“Oh…” He just manages to say, before the world tilts on its own axis and everything disappears.

The darkness lasts forever. Waking up takes longer.

His chest feels heavy, making it a little harder to breathe. There are sounds around him, beeping and talking and movement, but none of it makes any sense to him. Everything seems muted somehow.

Then the darkness returns.

The world starts making sense to Tony again when he notices someone holding his hand. It feels nice. The hand is strong and gentle, holding on to him, preventing him from disappearing into the darkness again.

It’s still a struggle to open his eyes and he has to close them again immediately against the blinding white light above him.

Someone moves next to him and for a second he is deadly afraid that the hand will let go and he will be lost in darkness again, but it doesn’t. It stays, anchoring him to reality.

There is a voice above him, calling his name. It’s as gentle as the hand, familiar and loved. When he opens his eyes again, there is a shadow in front of the light. He still has to blink a few times to clear his eyes before he can recognize Steve. He looks tired and worried, but when Tony is finally able to focus on him, the soldier smiles.

“Hey Tony… There you are…” Steve says softly, placing a light kiss on Tony’s forehead.

“Hi…” Tony’s voice is rough and even the short word makes him cough painfully. His chest hurts and he gasps a few times to fill his lungs.

“Easy doll. Deep breath for me.” Bucky’s voice is somewhere to his left and then there is a hand on his shoulder. Tony focuses on breathing for a moment and when it’s even again, a straw is held out to him. The cold water helps on his parched throat and he drains the glass quickly.

“How are you feeling?” Steve asks, when Bucky takes the glass away again.

“M’ chest hurts…” Tony mumbles, relieved that his voice is steadier now.

“I know sweetheart…” Steve says quietly, rubbing Tony’s shoulder gently with his free hand. The other one is still holding Tony’s. Bucky sits down next to Steve, so Tony doesn’t have to turn to see both of them. Now that he is more aware, he can see that they both look tired and worn, but they are clean and so is their clothes, even if it is a little rumpled. Tony gets the feeling they have forced each other to get food and rest while waiting for him to wake.

“What happened?” He asks, slowly getting worried. He feels like he has been asleep for a long time.

“It… You got hurt…” Steve says. Slowly, almost unconsciously, he lets the hand on Tony’s shoulder trail down over his chest. Looking down, Tony realizes that his entire torso is wrapped tightly in crisp white bandages.

“We are not sure how it happened.” Bucky continues, when it becomes clear that Steve is incapable of explaining. “Bruce thinks it has something to do with the Tesseract. There were traces of radiation on the chest piece of your suit.”

“Yeah, it… One of the aliens pushed me into the machine holding the Tesseract. It hurt…” Tony says, remembering the harsh electrical pain.

Bucky nods slowly and it takes him a moment before he can meet Tony’s eyes. “It did… Something to the Arc Reactor… Bruce says it… Fused it with your chest because it was pressed into your ribcage… They had to operate to get the suit off…”

Tony’s breathing is picking up again and Steve runs a soothing hand over his arm. “You’re okay baby. They got the suit off. You’re gonna be okay.”

“Something is not okay. You don’t look like everything is okay!” Tony says, his voice tight with rising panic. Bucky clenches his jaw and speaks again. “The Arc Reactor… It’s… Still there… They can’t remove it. It’s… It attached itself to your heart somehow. If they try to remove it, your heart would stop. It… It would kill you…”

Tony sits up abruptly, clawing at the bandages to get them away, to see what they are talking about. Steve quickly grabs his hands to prevent it, but not before Tony feels the hard circle of metal in the center of his chest even through the bindings.

“Easy Tony. You can’t… You’re still healing, you can’t take it off yet…” Steve says hurriedly. Tony slumps back into the bed, suddenly exhausted. “What is it doing to me?”

There is a pause. Then Bucky speaks. “That’s the thing… It doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything but power your heart… We haven’t been able to detect any harmful effects… But Bruce wants to run some more tests now you are awake and can help…”

Tony nods, closing his eyes. Between him and Bruce, they should be able to figure this thing out. He is glad his friend is safe after the battle. Wait…

“Phil…” Tony opens his eyes as a doctor enters the room. Steve and Bucky look at each other when Tony tries to sit up again. “What happened to Phil? Is he…”

“Focus on getting better first Tony.” Steve says, his eyes sad, as he gently pushes Tony back in the bed. Tony has a brief flashback to him pushing Steve down like that a long time ago, but it disappears as the doctor changes the settings on the monitor next to him and sleep claims Tony again.

Clint is the only one who does not come to see him during the next days. Either Steve or Bucky is with him at all times, only leaving when forced to go home to change. Bruce is there most days, showing Tony every scan and test he has made while Tony was unconscious and helping him come up with new ways to understand both the Tesseract and the Arc Reactor in his chest. Natasha doesn’t say much when she comes by, just sits next to him and smiles a little when he looks at her. When she leaves, he gives him a kiss on the cheek.

Even Director Fury comes to thank him for his efforts. That’s when he learns that the Council, the people above Director Fury, had been prepared to send a missile to take care of the aliens if S.H.I.E.L.D. hadn’t been able to fight them off. He is extremely grateful to Director Fury for keeping them from making that decision for long enough for Alpha Team and the others to close the portal. If Tony hadn’t gotten the Tesseract when he did, the isle of Manhattan would be no more.

Pepper and Rhodey come to see him as soon as Steve forces S.H.I.E.L.D. to give them clearance to the medical bay where Tony is.

“Well, on the bright side…” Bruce says after another day of studying the reactor in Tony’s chest and finding no way to remove it. “It’s powerful. That thing could run your heart for fifty lifetimes.”

Tony idly taps his chest, listening to the metallic sound. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Most of his chest is healed by now and the Arc Reactor seems to be fitting well in his skin. No inflammation, no infection, barely any pain. It’s not hurting him and Tony is slowly coming to realize that he will have to live with it from now on.

“It runs the suit…” He say, not really paying attention to what Bruce is saying.

“You are doing it again.” Bruce says, putting his tablet away. Tony gives him a questioning look and Bruce nods to his hand. “The tapping. You do that sometimes when you are thinking.”

“Oh…” Tony quickly takes his hand down.

“Does it bother you?” Bruce asks, getting up to get some water for Tony.

“No.” Tony answers truthfully. “And that bothers me.”

“Why?” Bruce sits down again, handing him a glass. Tony takes a drink, thinking about how to explain it best. “There is a foreign object in my chest, powering my heart and it feels… Normal? It shouldn’t feel normal. It shouldn’t feel normal to have a mechanical power source in my body like that.”

Bruce removes his glasses thoughtfully before answering. “A lot of people have to live with foreign objects in their body, titanium bones, glass eyes and the like. Maybe you can think of it like a pacemaker. You even made it yourself, so it’s not even that foreign. Maybe it’s just a mechanic that your body needs to function now.”

“Like Clint’s hearing aids…” Tony says, then flinches. He still hasn’t see then archer and no one will tell him anything. Bruce looks away and gets up. “I should go…”

“Bruce, please. Just tell me…” Tony pleads.

“Get better Tony. Then… Then we’ll explain…” Bruce says with a sad smile as he leaves.

It takes three weeks before Tony is allowed to leave the hospital. Then they tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony might know now, but you won't until Wednesday...


	14. Eight Seconds

It’s beautiful.

But it only lasts a moment. Then it’s gone and the darkness is heavy and uncomfortable.

Someone is crying. That’s wrong. He is supposed to stop it, but the sound is so far away and he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know how to reach it.

After a while, it fades away again.

There are voices talking too. One voice more than others. It’s a voice he knows, but it is also very far away. It helps though. Hearing the voice. It makes the darkness less uncomfortable.

Then the darkness becomes a little lighter.

It takes a while before he becomes aware that his eyes are closed. Then he starts working on opening them, which is hard, because they seem to have been transformed into lead while he slept.

There are sounds around him, the soft beeping of machines and something that sounds like bellows. Breathing seems a little strange and it takes him a little while to figure out that it is because there is something in his throat, pushing the air into his lungs. His body feels almost as heavy as his eyelids and the parts that aren’t numb hurt.

When he does open his eyes, he sees a dimly lit white room. There is a light next to him and out of the corner of his eye, he can see someone sitting in a chair next to the bed, reading by the light. It takes a moment before he recognizes Clint. His hair is too long and there is a beard on his chin. It seems odd on him, like it’s hiding something. There are dark marks like bruises under his eyes. It is strange to see him with a book. Clint only ever reads if forced and then he mostly skims for what he needs.

But it is Clint, there is no doubt about it. Clint is there with him. Phil lets out a faint sigh, killed quickly by the machine. Before the darkness takes him again, he sees movement next to him.

Clint is still there when Phil wakes up again. He looks tired and worried. Phil tries to say something, but all that comes out is a choked sound because of the tubes. Clint head snaps up, his eyes suddenly alert.

“Phil!” Clint jumps from the chair, dropping the book on the floor, and pulls a string by one of the machines before bending over the bed and placing a hand on his cheek. “Phil, can you hear me?”

Nodding is hard, but somehow Phil manages. He tries to reach for Clint, but his hand just flops uselessly by his side. Clint notices, however, and grabs it firmly.

It looks like Clint is about to say something more, but then the room is filled with nurses and doctors, surrounding the bed while talking and looking at the machines. Settings are changed, wires are adjusted and the tube in his throat is removed. It’s deeply unpleasant, but when it’s gone he can breathe freely again. Clint hovers by his side all the time, only reluctantly moving when one of the nurses or doctors tell him to.

It seems to go on forever. A doctor is shining a light into his eyes while another is hooking a new IV to his arm. One of them pokes his feet, asking if he can feel it. They are saying a lot, but none of it really registers with him. He just wants them to leave so he can see Clint again. The archer is standing by his shoulder and Phil can’t turn to look at him.

Before the doctors leave, Phil slips back into sleep.

He wakes up to Clint running his fingers through Phil’s hair. It’s a little easier to open his eyes this time, but it still takes longer than it used to. Clint is sitting on the backrest of his chair, his feet maintaining balance on the seat and his eyes focused on Phil. He smiles weakly when he notices that Phil is awake, but his eyes are shiny and there are lines on his forehead that Phil doesn’t recognize.

“Phil…” Clint’s voice breaks halfway through and his breathing is uneven.

“You’re… Too far away love…” It’s barely a whisper, but Clint can read his lips. Phil is not sure if it’s for his sake of for Clint’s, but it doesn’t matter. When Clint hurries into the bed, careful not to pull on any of the wires still attached to Phil and wraps around him like an octopus, Phil just knows he feels like he is actually awake again for the first time.

He is still too weak to do much more than turn his head towards his love, but Clint arranges them so they are both comfortable before hiding his face in Phil’s neck.

“I… I was so scared… That you wouldn’t wake up again…” Clint’s voice is broken and wet, his tears soaking through the thin hospital gown Phil is wearing. Phil holds him as close as his weak arms allow.

“I’m sorry you were scared love…” Phil’s voice is still weak, so it’s a good thing Clint is as close to him as humanly possible. “I’m here now...”

Clint just nods without lifting his head. Phil kisses his hair. He has several questions, but they will have to wait.

They stay like that for a long time. At some point they both fall asleep.

He wakes up when the doctor arrives and makes Clint leave the bed. They have more questions and tests, but it seems that Phil passes, because the doctor smiles at him. “It’s good to see you awake Agent Coulson. You had us worried there.”

Phil is sitting up in bed, waiting for the examination to be done. “Trust me, Dr. Cho, it was not my choice.” He says, casting a glance to Clint, who is sitting in the chair next to him. He looks horrible. He obviously hasn’t slept well on his own, if he has slept at all. His hair and beard is unkempt and his clothes is worn and rumpled.

“I’m glad you surprised us all in the end.” She says, still smiling. “All your results look good. If you continue like this, you should be able to make a full recovery with some physical therapy.”

She leaves a little after that and Phil looks at Clint. He is sitting with the book again, but it’s closed in his lap. Phil recognizes it easily. It’s his. It’s the one he was reading before the battle. He can even see his bookmark in the last half of the book.

“Clint?” He asks quietly. Clint doesn’t look up. “You died… They said… They said you were dead for eight seconds… And even when you came back, they weren’t sure you would ever wake up again…”

“How long?” He asks, putting a hand on Clint’s shoulder. He already feels a lot better, if still a little weak.

“Five months…”

“Clint… Look at me…” It’s a gentle command and Clint can easily ignore it, but he doesn’t. He looks up at Phil, looking as lost and tired as when they found him in the HYDRA base.

“If I have any say in the matter, I will always come back to you.” Phil says firmly.

Clint sighs and leans his head on Phil’s arm. “I missed you…”

“I’m here now. I love you. Nothing else matters.” Phil says, tugging gently in Clint. “Come lie with me.”

Climbing into the bed and resting his head on Phil’s chest, Clint finally smiles a little. There is a lot of therapy in the future for both of them, but as long as they are together, it will be okay.

It doesn’t take long for Clint to fall asleep, clearly still exhausted from worry. Phil stays awake, watching him and running his fingers through Clint’s long hair.

A few hours later, Steve comes to see him. Clint is still asleep, clinging to Phil like he is afraid the agent might disappear if he lets go.

Steve hesitates in the door when he sees them, but Phil nods. Steve walks in soundlessly and sits down next to the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel fine. More tired than usually, but nothing hurts. Dr. Cho says I can return home within the week. You don’t have to worry about me.” He says, but Steve just smiles sadly. “We do. We all worry. Seeing you like this, it’s… It hasn’t been easy… Not for any of us…” The soldier’s eyes fall on the sleeping archer.

“How is he? Really?” Phil asks quietly as to not wake the marksman sleeping next to him.

Steve nervously licks his lips. “He’s… A lot like I was, when Bucky was gone…”

“That bad, huh?” Phil says with a sad smile. He remembers all too clearly how hurt Steve had been when Bucky had been declared KIA.

“You know how much he loves you…” Steve tells him. “Natasha has been taking care of him, as much as he would allow, but he hardly accepted anything unless he was falling apart.”

“He’s not really… Good at accepting help…” Phil sighs, gently caressing Clint’s face. The archer makes a soft sound, but doesn’t wake up.

“He needs you…” Steve says softly.

“I need him just as much.” Phil answers.

The rest of the team comes to see him too, as does Tony and Bruce. Tony is wearing a black shirt that doesn’t hide the glowing blue light in his chest. It’s a rather interesting surprise, but it seems like Tony has accepted the Arc Reactor as part of himself now. Of course, he has had several months to get used to it.

Clint doesn’t leave Phil’s side, but he does shave his beard and let Natasha cut his hair. He also accepts the change of clothes that Tony brings him. He sleeps a lot, but doesn’t go under. Even a private room in the medical bay is too public for him. Phil starts to notice the signs that Clint is getting scattered, his hands are shaking when he thinks no one is looking and he has trouble focusing on anything for longer periods of time.

It means it has been a while since Natasha took care of him and Phil is surprised to find that he is glad. He knows Clint needed it, because five months? No sub should be alone for that long. He also knows it’s not the first time, Natasha and Clint were together for a long time and she helped take care of him even after they broke up. But it’s different now. Clint is his now and he severely dislikes the idea of someone else bringing him under. It’s possessive and probably not healthy, but he waited so long for Clint. He is not inclined to share.

When Phil is well enough to go back to the Tower, he is a little surprised to learn that Natasha and Bruce have moved in on the floor below him and Clint. Their apartment was damaged in the battle and instead of waiting for it to be rebuild, they finally accepted Tony’s offer to live in the Tower. It would seem that Tony Stark's Collect A Friend Tower Collection, as Clint calls is, is now complete.

They leave their friends in the elevator. The entire team had showed up to take Phil home. It hadn’t been necessary at all, but it was nice to have their support. It was nice to know they were his friends now, not just his team and colleagues.

“Do you want to go rest?” Clint asks when they have locked the door behind them. Phil looks at him for a moment. He kept the hair a little longer and it looks good. He looks good. Sleeping in an uncomfortable hospital bed next to Phil has been good for him. But he needs more than just sleep.

“I want to take care of you.” Phil says, putting his things down and walking over to Clint, who looks away. “You… You don’t have to… I’m fine… You must be tired…”

“My love…” Phil gently guides Clint’s face towards his own and captures his eyes. “I want to take care of you. It’s not a strenuous activity. We’ll just sit on the couch.”

“Phil…” Clint’s eyes are a little shiny. There is something begging about the word that Phil hasn’t heard from him since they rescued him from HYDRA and it pains him that it is back.

“Let me take care of you Clint. Take off your shirt.” It’s a command and Clint obeys slowly. Phil goes to sit down on the couch, removing his own shirt on the way. When Clint comes over, he pauses a moment, unsure.

“Up here, with me.” Phil says and pats to cushion next to him. There is something relieved in Clint’s eyes as he sits down next to Phil and immediately leans into him.

Putting his arms around the archer, Phil says. “Steve told me Natasha has been taking care of you…”

“I… I didn’t… I wanted it to be you…” Clint says very quietly.

“I wanted it to be me too… But I’m glad someone did, when I couldn’t…” Phil is gently threading his fingers through Clint’s hair, feeling his love relax slowly. “I’m glad our friends didn’t let you fall apart without me… But I’m here now. I’m going to take care of you. You are still mine.”

Clint sighs deeply at that, closing his eyes. Phil moves his hand to Clint’s neck, caressing it tenderly. “You don’t have to worry. Nothing has changed. I still love you. You are still good. I’m still going to take care of you and keep you safe.”

“No one else?” Clint mumbles. It’s a question that only ever has one answer.

“No one else my heart.”

Clint goes under quickly, but not deeply. Phil know that it will probably be a long time before Clint will let himself get lost again. He knows it in the way Clint is gripping his arms tight, even when the rest of his body is relaxed. He knows it in the way Clint opens his eyes more than once without coming completely back to check on Phil. He knows it in the faint lines on Clint’s face that he doesn’t recognize and don’t disappear even now. It’s not because there is any lost trust between them, but because Clint is afraid Phil will be gone when he comes back.

Phil silently vows that he will do anything in his power make sure Clint will get lost again. It will take a lot of time, but that never mattered to Phil. Only Clint matters.

There will be new nightmares after this. Nightmares of failing, of loosing and dying. Nightmares that wake them up to tears in the dead of night. Nightmares that mean holding each other close until the sun comes up. But that doesn’t matter either, because they will never wake up alone to the tears and the fear. They will never have to hide the pain or pretend they are okay when they are not. They will always have each other to share the burden, the pain, the fear. Because they are together. Because they belong together. They are alive and together and Phil is not going to let anything change that ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one is dead, yay :D
> 
> And no more cliffhangers. Aren't I nice to you?
> 
> Last chapter on friday.


	15. Avengers

It’s the six-month anniversary of ‘The Battle of New York’ as the media has come to call it. Phil has started his physical therapy and Clint is beginning to look like a human again. Natasha and Bruce have gotten used to live in the Tower, Nat using the shooting range as often as Bucky and Bruce often visiting the labs and workshops with Tony. Steve, Bucky and Natasha have all returned to work, but no one expects Phil and Clint to go back for a while yet. Even Tony has returned to Stark Industries, participating in meetings with shirts that let the glow of the Arc Reactor be seen. He is not ashamed of it, it is part of him.

Tony has been offered a contract by S.H.I.E.L.D. to become an official consultant. On paper, he offers insights to new inventions and ‘special situations’ as they call it. In reality, it means that if there is trouble, Iron Man will help. The media has named all of them, of course. Iron Man isn’t technically correct. The suit isn’t made of iron. But it’s very popular and Tony sees no reason to change that one. He did, however, see a reason to make his PR team work on changing Natasha’s name, since Black Widow is much cooler than Sexy Ninja Babe. To no ones surprise Steve’s old nickname of Captain America has made the news and Tony has already seen a lot of paintings of Steve wrapped in the American flag, with more or less nudity. Some of the pictures were very impressive, but none as good as the real thing. Clint has become Hawkeye for obvious reasons. His ears might not work, but his eyes are impeccable. For not obvious reasons, Bucky is being called the Winter Soldier. No one really knows why or where it came from, but it seems to fit.

Steve and Bucky bring the invitations back from work. There is one for each of them, for ‘The Avengers’ as they have been nicknamed, the heroes of The Battle of New York. From what Tony hears, Beta Team is not at all happy with Alpha Team getting so much attention, but really, they can suck it. All of S.H.I.E.L.D. helped with the invasion, but without Steve to make a plan, Bucky, Clint and Natasha to carry that plan out and Tony to get the Tesseract, they would have had a crater instead of Manhattan. Besides, people love The Avengers and it is great publicity for S.H.I.E.L.D., so Director Fury is happy.

That is the reason for the invitation and the coming gala. A party to celebrate The Avengers and their bravery in the battle. Mostly, Tony expects, it is an excuse for the rich and powerful to meet Alpha Team and try to gain their favor. Most of them would prefer not to go, but attending has been a direct order from Director Fury, so they have to. At least the gala means Tony will get to see Steve and Bucky in dress uniforms and Tony has learned that he _really_ likes the sight of Steve and Bucky in dress uniforms.

As it turns out, Clint and Phil also have dress uniforms, making them look almost as good as Tony’s soldiers. He and Bruce wear suits and Natasha, who apparently also have a dress uniform, but can opt out of wearing it because she is a lady, is in a stunning red dress making her look absolutely incredible.

They arrive in a limo, because tonight is mostly about appearances. Outside is an army of paparazzi, asking questions and taking a thousand pictures. Steve leads, sending the reporters friendly smiles but not answering any questions. Bucky and Tony follow, Tony with his bright media smile and Bucky with his most neutral expression. It took some convincing for him not to scowl at the paparazzi. They planned this on the way over. The needed a plan, to make everyone feel a little more at ease. If they can treat it like a mission with clear goals, they know how to handle it.

After them comes Natasha and Bruce, arm in arm, smiling and waving at their audience. They look perfectly at ease, but Tony knows they would rather have snuck in the back or avoided the gala completely. Bringing up the rear is Phil and Clint, holding hands and both wearing pleasant smiles. They keep walking, don’t stop for questions and hurries to the entrance as much as the can without it being obvious.

Inside the ballroom it gets a little easier. They mingle politely, but never stay too far from each other and no one is ever left on their own with any of the ass-kissing strangers. Alpha Team is fiercely loyal and always seem to keep an eye out for the others, ready to step in if anyone needs it.

Natasha is a natural, gliding seamlessly from one conversation to another. Steve is polite and patient, meaning he talks for a long time with anyone who approaches him. While he doesn’t make anyone angry, he has to be saved more than once by Bucky, who is no very good at small talk and will often excuse himself from any conversation that bores him. Phil is doing nicely too, being polite but knowing when he can leave without seeming rude. Tony talks the most, which doesn’t surprise anyone. He has a lot of experience at these kind of things and has gotten very good at talking for a long time without saying anything at all. It does, however, seem to surprise a lot of the guests that he talks. They also seem surprised every time Bruce or Clint speak up. Tony silently hates it. So many of the guests are doms and the subs there are only their plus-ones to be seen and never heard. The rich and powerful are always old fashioned.

Tony sighs quietly, going to the bar with Clint and Phil to get a drink. A martini might help him not hate the doms looking back at him like he is breaking the law by looking them in the eye. Then he spots another S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. He can only tell by the insignia on the shoulder, because the way the man looks at them is frankly unpleasant. It’s not even that he looks mad or annoyed. It’s the way he smiles and the hatred in his eyes that sends a shiver down Tony’s spine.

“Rumlow…” Clint says quietly, following Tony’s gaze.

“Why is he even here?” Tony asks. He knows what that man tried to do to Clint. They all know.

“He was part of the battle, same as us.” Phil says, deliberately not looking at the other agent. “Any agent taking part in the fight was invited.”

“I don’t like the way he is smiling. Like he knows something we don’t.” Clint says, his entire body far too tense for the relaxed setting

“He can’t hurt you.” Phil promises, putting a calming hand on the small of Clint’s back. It’s an invisible gesture to the rest of the room, hidden by Tony standing on Clint’s other side. “He can’t hurt any of us.”

“I still don’t like it…” Clint mumbles, leaning a little into Phil’s hand, and Tony finds himself agreeing.

They go back to mingling and Tony gets occupied by questions about the Arc Reactor that he answers without saying anything specific. Several people show a more or less controlled interest in seeing it, but Tony dismisses them with a joke about not wanting to undress in public. He might not be ashamed of it, but it is _his_ and not just something everyone gets to see.

When the bell rings and they go to the dining room, Tony realizes why Rumlow was smiling and it makes him want to hit things. Preferably Rumlow. Preferably in his Iron Man suit.

The room is beautifully decorated, it’s large and the tables are arranged tastefully, decorated with flowers and nametags for everyone. Each table has a varying number of chairs and floor pillows. The sight makes Tony’s entire body tense up and he knows instantly that he is not the only one. While Clint does not hate his designation as Tony does sometimes, he is very private about it. He is never on the floor in public and even at movie nights, he will only sit at the floor if Phil does too. Tony is never on the floor. Period.

It doesn’t make things any better that their table is in the center of the room where everybody can see the four chairs and three floor pillows. It doesn’t help that Tony’s is placed between Steve and Bucky. That actually makes it worse. They way they are placed he wouldn’t even be able to talk to Clint or Bruce without having to look through the legs of the people sitting on the table.

It’s a good thing that Steve and Bucky have joined them by now, otherwise Tony might have had a less graceful reaction than he does.

“I’m not sitting on the floor while you eat at the table.” Tony says quietly.

“No. You’re not.” Steve agrees, reminding Tony why he loves the man.

“Hey.” Bucky stops one of the waiters as she passes by with a tray of champagne. “We’re going to need those pillows replaced with chairs.”

“I’m sorry sir, this is a designation specific venue. All submissives must be on the floor.” She says. To her credit, she is looking like she is sorry about it, but that doesn’t change anything. Tony is considering just leaving, when Steve crooks his head with an odd smile. “What about doms?”

“I’m sorry?” The waiter says again.

“Do you have any rules about where dominants are supposed to be?” Steve asks.

“Um… Not that I know of sir.” She answers, obviously not understanding where he is going with this.

“Great.” Steve says with a smile as he sits down on the floor pillow meant for Tony. The confusion on Bucky’s face is replaced with a smirk as he flops down next to Steve. “Move over, punk.”

“Get your own pillow, jerk.” Steve says, jostling Bucky playfully.

“Oh, we’re going to need a lot more pillows.” Natasha says as she sits down on Bruce’s pillow with a lot more elegance than the dress should allow. At the same time, Phil gives Clint’s hand a gentle squeeze as he sits down on the pillow next to his own chair, leaving the three subs standing while their doms sit on the floor. Tony’s own surprise is not enough to block the whispers from the rest of the room, as the other guests notice what is happening.

“Oh… I… Excuse me…” The waiter smiles a little forced at them before she quickly leaves, most likely to find a manager who can explain their strange behavior. Tony kind of want to tell her that this is not the only thing Steve and Bucky have done that is not seen as proper dom behavior, but he is pretty sure Steve wouldn’t like that. That is another thing that is just for him.

“You are going to be on every front page tomorrow.” Tony says, looking down at his boyfriends.

“Pepper can help with that.” Bucky says from where he is comfortably leaning against Steve so they can both be on the pillow that is only meant for one.

Tony shakes his head with a smile while Bruce quietly sits down next to Natasha. Of the three of them, Bruce seems to have the least problems with being on the floor in public. Tony looks at Clint, who is smiling slightly and Tony realizes that this could actually work. Sitting on the floor in itself is not really that bad, it’s being placed there while others eat at a table that bothers him. It’s being made lesser than the others.

Before he decides, the waiter returns with four others and remove the chairs. Then more pillows are added and the table is even replaced with a sub-table, which is closer to the floor so they can reach their food without needing anyone sitting at the table to feed them. The waiters do not look happy with the arrangement and several people on the surrounding tables are looking at them like they are mad.

When the waiters retreat again, Clint slowly sits down next to Phil, leaning a little against his side. Tony shrugs and grins. “Well, if everybody else is going to…”

Then he sits down between Steve and Bucky.

Sitting on the floor turns out to be really nice, a little like a picnic. It only takes a few minutes before they are talking and laughing, almost like when they have team dinners in the Tower. People don’t stops staring at them and whispering, especially when Tony holds out a piece of grilled trout on his fork and Bucky doesn’t even pause before eating it.

Between the main course and dessert, Director Fury comes over to the table. By then, Natasha and Bucky are leaning against each other, discussing where best to conceal weapons in formal wear. Steve has an arm slung around Tony’s shoulders as the brunette discusses a new upgrade for his suits with Bruce. Steve, Phil and Clint are talking about what changes have happened in the city since the invasion.

When Fury stops by their table, most of the discussions die out.

“Is there a problem, sir?” Bucky asks with a defiant look in his eyes.

“No, no problem.” Fury says, letting his eyes run over the scene in front of him. “Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Everybody talking about Alpha Team, I need to know why.”

“Just making the best of a bad situation sir.” Steve says with a smile.

“I can see that. Well, enjoy your evening Avengers…” Fury nods once at all of them and leaves again. When he is gone, Bucky starts laughing and Steve gently punches his shoulder.

In the end, dinner turns out to be quite enjoyable, but the best part is defiantly when Rumlow walks by, fully expecting to see the subs on the floor and finds the entire team laughing at Natasha’s joke. The look on his face is priceless and one Tony will treasure for the rest of his life.

After dinner, they go to the ballroom, where a band starts playing. Steve might be an excellent soldier and a very elegant fighter, but dancing is something he never really got the hang of, so Bucky steals Tony away for the first dance. In is wonderful and intimate, even with the many other guests dancing around them. Tony hardly notices them anymore, he just listens to the music and follows Bucky’s movements, enjoying being held so close.

After that, he dances with Clint, who is just as graceful as Bucky, then Natasha who is kind enough to let him lead, even if she is the better dancer, Bruce and even Phil before finally convincing Steve to join them on the dance floor. Steve doesn’t really dance as much as sway to the music, but Tony has no complaints. Steve’s arms are strong and safe around him and Bucky is laughing somewhere nearby.

Tony might hate his designation at times, but his friends make it easy to forget. They treat him like a person and never expect him to behave like his designation demands. This night has only proven to him how much he cares about them and, even more important, how much they care about him. He knows now that he is never truly alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys!
> 
> Is it then end of the series?  
> Well, did I get to drop a building on Rumlow's stupid face?  
> No. So that will happen later. I don' know when yet. I would like to have written a bit more before I start posting.  
> I have, however, a one-shot that will introduce some new characters needed for the finale and that will be up on next Wednesday :)
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, especially those of you who commented on every single chapter. It has been really fun talking to you guys :)
> 
> Love you 3000


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